Always time for distractions....

Even with exams all around me, I am trying to keep up with the updating. Although to be honest, I am cheating. I am posting some of my newly discovered favorite web sights. There is so many awesome web sights out there, some are a little too addicting (as those of you know with my previous Veoh obsession. So, here are some of my favorites:

http://www.peevid.com/ –ok, get your mind out of the gutter, it is a website that lets you watch movies and TV online. Not like Veoh though, you don’t download. Instead you just watch them online. So far I have watched Mario Brothers, Blood and Chocolate, and A Smallville episode. Best yet, this lets you put it full screen, so forget going to family video (although the quality can be somewhat lacking).
http://www.veoh.com/ –yeah, I am listing addictions. This website is my favorite for downloading video. I downloaded (and sadly watched) all episodes of X-men (the cartoon fro the 90’s), Sliders, Smallville, and a few others. The best thing about this sight is there is a filter, so it keeps you from seeing the stuff you don’t want.
http://www.channelchooser.com/ – ok, you’re your probably sensing a theme here. This lets you watch live television. Although most of the channels aren’t your average channels. Still, it’s entertaining, fun to check out.
http://www.techsupportalert.com/best_46_free_utilities.htm#1 – this website is freeware that replaces some of the best programs out there, but does a better job. This is coming from a computer analyst, it’s my job to fix computers that professors have busted. A lot of the programs I knew about that I thought were under the radar were on this sight. Who would have guessed anyone knew about Opera (internet browser). Although the sight doesn’t have one program that it should… Ccleaner- best program out there for fixing your registry. http://www.ccleaner.com/
http://www.stumbleupon.com/-This is the best of all of them. All you do is download this program, and tell it what you like. It then finds websites that have been rated high by other users. Forget having to find the best websites from your friends, this does it for you. I have been seriously impressed with some of the sights it showed me…its actually how I came across peekvid.
http://www.ultrasonic-ringtones.com/ -It’s true, there are actually sounds out there that you soon are unable to hear. Well, not that soon, try 20+. People are using them as ring tones know in school so that teachers can’t hear when their phone goes off.

And why your at it, check these fun sights out:
http://www.christiantuner.com/ - listen to any Christian radio station
http://www.thinkgeek.com/ -website that lets you order fun stuff.
http://www.ruckusnetwork.com/ - if your in school, it means free music for you.

And don’t forget if your down with the Jesus movement…
http://www.wordmadeflesh.com/
http://www.hisholyspace.com/
http://fourthseason.blogspot.com/
http://www.projectmanuelito.org/
http://www.micahcentral.org/

Stupid Papers!

I’m no smarter than the average bear. In fact, if I was any bear, it would be far from yogi, it would probably be Poo... he always struck me as kind of retarded. I am not retarded, but I'm what they call "Learning Disabled". I didn't have to ride the short bus, but I didn't get all the normal treatment either in school. I am not saying I want everyone to be the same... this semester going through grad school has definitely taught me that. There is one girl in our clinical psychology that just turned twenty not even a month ago. She finished college up in a year. When she writes a 10 page paper, it probably takes her six hours. When I write a ten page paper, it takes me 25 hours (no seriously, I just spend two days writing 10 pages... although it did cite 26 other publications). Speaking of paper, I have to go finish one... so I guess this is where I leave any readers out there some parcel of wisdom....well I got nothing. Go read a book.

Procrastination and Masturbation...

I heard a good quote from a friend of mine Tabitha a month ago. Truthfully, it was her cousin who came up with it. I think it's something most people struggle with some time in their life that leaves them saying, why do I do this to myself? She said "Procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good when your doing it, but in the end your only F*%$@#% yourself." God knows I procrastinate like it's my job. Heck, my name is part of the word! But that's no way to live, is it. C.S. Lewis said "laziness means more work in the long run". He is right...and on that note I am going to finish this abnormal test that is due tomorrow at 12:00...in fact why am I blogging if I have a take home test due tomorrow? Do you see how twisted i am!

lesson learned #436

Another lesson was learned this morning after noticing my handiwork from last night. I had run out of cleaning supplies for the bathroom, and assumed that if I put some anti-bacterial Listerine (orange flavored) in a spray bottle, that it would serve as a substitute. Even now it doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me. In reality though, it was. I used this makeshift cleaner to clean the toilet, sink, shower, and kitchen sink. This morning I woke up and went into the bathroom. My first endeavor was to clip my toenails. So I sat down on the edge of the tub and clipped away. It was when I got up that I noticed the edge of the tub had clung to my boxers. Getting up felt like pulling off the wrapper of a candy role up. Apparently while Listerine was fighting gingivitis in my tub, it was also leaving a sticky residue for me to clean up this morning. Yeah, that sticky residue was everywhere. Imagine what my shock would have been if I had discovered this on the toilet! So I guess I’ll add that to some of the other lessons I have learned over the years like: Don’t dry pants in the oven, or don’t mess around when on scaffolding, or my personal favorite…don’t take model rockets apart and then light the gun powder in your basement. My left eyebrow never was the same after that.

quote of the day

The quote of the day comes from Rob Bell. He is referring to the Christian Life when he says, "You have to smoke what your selling". It's impossible to do (living the Christian Life) when done on our own strength. I don't know why I have to learn this simple point again in again...but I am guessing it has something to do with being human. Another thing I have learned about this statement, smoking what your selling will always require sacrifice.

thanks for the wisdom...

I had a friend recommend a great idea to me that I have just incorporated into my life. Like a post it note on one's desk or those inspirational posters in school hallways (click here to see spoofs of such posters), it serves as a reminder during regular day to day activities. It's also been a great way to encourage me to pray even during simple tasks like washing dishes (read "Practice in the Presence", by Brother Lawrence to be enlightened in this area). What is it you ask? It's putting a penny in your shoe. Feeling the penny benith my foot serves as a reminder of God and His goodness. It's not as irritating as it sounds, promise (although this would require you to wear shoes Tim Founds, sorry). Try it for a week and let me know if it helps you reflect on God.

unwelcome guest...

It’s five O’clock in the morning and I am sitting at my desk working on a paper when suddenly I see out of the corner of my eye a little shadow dash along the baseboard of the wall behind my dresser. Since it’s 5 am and I hadn’t had any sleep yet, I suspected I had started to hallucinate. Still, I put batteries in the flashlight and began to investigate. After a minute of inspection, I turn the light off and rose up from my investigative crouch near the dresser. Suddenly, there it is again, only its trajectory was the opposite of its previous path. So I follow it back to it’s origins under my desk and low and behold there is a large crack where a mouse could have entered the house. At least I know I wasn’t hallucinating, but it’s a lot easier to get rid of hallucinated mice than the real deal. So, the mouse hunt begins. This adventure inspired me to write the small children’s story you see below in my previous blog post. Of course you may recognize some similarities to previously read material…thanks Dr. Seuss!

Green Eggs and Ham Parody...

A Mouse in the House"
By Mr. Felt

A parody of the following work "GREEN EGGS AND HAM" By Dr. Seuss

I am Nate
I am Nate
Nate the Great

Do you like
a mouse in your house?

I do not like it,
says Nate the great.
I do not like
it makes me irate.

Would you like it
here or there?

I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
a mouse in my house.
this I hate,
for I am Nate the great.

Would you like it
in a cage?
Would that then
alleviate your rage?

I do not want it
in a cage.
that would not
alleviate my rage.
I do not want it
here or there.
I do not want it
anywhere.
I do not like a mouse in my house.
it makes me irate, for I am Nate the great.

Would you catch him
in a box?
Would you feed it
to a fox?

Not with a box.
Not to a fox.
Not in my house.
Not that mouse.
I do not want it here or there.
I do not want it anywhere.
I would not like a mouse it my house.
it makes me irate, for I'm Nate the great.

Would you? Could you?
Live in your car?
Live there! Sleep there!
And Drive your car.

I would not,
could not,
live in my car.

You may like him.
You will see.
You may make him
Your family!

I would not, he could not be family.
Nor I live in my car! While he be the star.

I will not catch him in a box.
I will not feed him to a fox.
I do not want him in my house.
I do not want this little mouse.
I do not want it here or there.
I do not want him anywhere.
I will not live out of my car.
He should be the one leaving far

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you,
Live on a train?

No to a train! No to my car!
No to this mouse! I’m Nate! It’s my house!

I will not catch him in a box.
I could not feed him to a fox.
I do not want this little mouse.
I do not want him in my house.
I do not want him here or there.
I will not want him anywhere.
I do not care if the mouse may plea.
It is my house, let me be.

What if only at night?
He chose to delight…
In your house, would you accept that mouse?

I would not, could not,
Even in the night.

Would you, could you, if it rained?

I would not, could not,
Even if it rained.
Nor in the night. Nor will I live on a train.
Nor my car, the disdain!.
This mouse is not right for me.
Not in my house. Not in a box.
Not with a friend, not in my sox.
I do not want him here or there.
I do not like him anywhere!

You do not like
This little mouse?

No, I do not!
Not in my house!.

Could you, would you,
If he paid in cash?

I would not,
could not,
if he gave all his stash!

Would you, could you,
If he granted wishes?

I would rather have a itchy rash
Then take any of his cash
I will kick him out in the rain.
Rather than live on a train.
Not at night! I must be free!
Nor live in my car! You let me be!
I do not want him in a box.
Nor could I feed him to a fox.
I do not want him in my house.
I do not like this little mouse.
I do not like him here or there.
I do not like him ANYWHERE!

I do not want a mouse in my house

This makes me irate, I’m Nate the great!

You do not like Him.
So you say.
Meet Him! Greet Him!
And you may.
Meet him and you may, I say.

Alter personality,
If you will let me be,
I will meet him.
You will see.

Say!
What a cute little mouse!
That has moved in to my house!
I will not force him in the rain.
to do such a thing would be insane

He can walk about in the day, and the night.
Use my toothbrush, and sleep in my bed, oh what a sight!
For he is so cute, so cute, you see!

So I will put him in a box.
And still not feed him to a fox.
I will let him in my house.
And I will befriend this little mouse.
And his friends will join him here and there.
And diseases will be EVERYWHERE!

I do so like
This little mouse!
Come!
Join me,
In my house!

Tragedy strikes Bangladesh

Currently in Bangladesh the death toll has risen to more than 3,100 people, with estimates that up to 10,000 could be dead once officials survey the other surrounding islands. I was reading a news excerpt about the disaster (read here) online and some of the stories were quite chilling. One 45 year old farm worker called Mridha who lived with his family in Barguna Bangladesh thought that nothing would come of the warnings he received about the storm. Between sobs he states that "Just before midnight the winds came like hundreds of demons. Our small hut was swept away like a piece of paper, and we all ran for shelter." Miridha was separated from his wife, mother, and two children. He found their bodies the next morning stuck in a battered bush along the coast. Such tragedies break my heart and are significant reminders. I am reminded that this is not my home, I belong to a heavenly place where there is no pain or death. Second, the call resounds even stronger to bring Christ's world to Earth. We could live in a world where aid to others is the priority, and not time and money spent on self pleasure. I consider myself guiltiest in such matters. We live in a world now where "What can I do?" no longer needs to be asked. Prayers can be prayed, money can be given (see here) , people can be sent. Marshal Macluhen suggests that we are a global village, but tragedy like these remind me that value is still found more in our residency than in our humanity. How truly global are we? The most destructive natural disaster in the history of the U.S., Hurricane Katrina, killed 1,600 people across our gulf coast and made 800,000 people homeless overnight; Americans showed an unprecedented outpouring of aid and public support. Twice as many people have died in Bangladesh and three million are effected and yet comparing to the previous disaster, little media coverage is given. Finally this disaster poses a question that has haunted me of late... assuming that altruistic action is the outpouring of compassion... Why don't I care? 

Lethargy, that bX*&%#

Before you read this, I want to put a little disclaimer on this piece of fiction. Not sure where it came from, or what it is, besides a work of fiction. I started writing about an idea I had for a story, and this came out. I don’t like it, it seems confusing and pointless, like a cheap hooker trying to be mysterious. Regardless, I would rather post this story than admit to myself that I just wasted a good two hours of my time precious time. So with no further torture, try to enjoy the metaphor

A slender yet strangely solid man runs through a dense woodland passage. He runs with a determination, face flashing a strong resolve as think as blood. The same thickness mixes with sweat and drips from his brow. He continues to run towards his vision. The world around becomes a blur. He longs for nothing but distance from its deathly stale smell; its deceptive glare; the hardness of its embrace. “It doesn’t matter any more”, he mutters to himself in a smooth commanding tone, “None of it matters”. None if it, not the approaching bluish moon slowly being reviled as the sun retreats behind the horizon, nor the songs of the crickets that seek to claim nights silent state. When he gets tired of running, he jogs, but he never stops. When his legs begin cramping to the point where muscles seem like they will tear through flesh, he slows, but doesn't stop. Instead he clenches his jaw and keeps on keeping on, for he can’t stop. He can’t sit. He can’t rest.


Rest…. The idea appears to his mind as beautiful as the angle Gabriel. It calls to him with faint whispers. He wants to listen, but he fears another voices will affect his pace. A voice that asks no one to speak yet silences many. His ears honed in on the voice; his eyes become sharp swords as he scans for an attack. The voice calls for him again but he sees know one. It calls at him like a female dog barking in heat. He knows this sound for he was once in this snare. Odd, it would seem his memories were betraying him. What was once as clear as crystal was now met with a foggy mist, such that clings to the windshield in the early morning?


Lethargy was what he called her, but never did he remember her seeming so sweet. He continued on pace through the ever darkening woods towards the bluish hue that spread out over rolling plains. His running was towards the embodiment of his dreams. Still, rest had not given up her sweet smooth speech; still she softly invited him to her soft featherlike embrace. The voice was peaceful and just hearing it brought out a powerful sigh from the depths of his lungs. Then his abdomen tightened as the one he knew as Lethargy resumed her song. Her voice was also sweet, but not soft like that of Rest. Her tone was powerful like Rest, but it was not peaceful. Rest’s call was like a babbling brook under a hot summer sun. But Rest’s sisters darker words were eerily appealing with their slight echo that enhanced her voice. She didn’t sing like Rest, but instead she summoned like the sirens. Whose’ purposes were also similar, persuading people to linger longer then they aught, thus causing their destruction. The saddened sweet voice seemed quite powerful. Yet its empathy cry was like that of Orpheus, whose bodiless head cried out for his Eurydice's even as it floated away down the Hades stream. “No more talk of water”, he said to himself in a condescending way. It had been such a hot summer. Waking up to run towards the dream in the morning, then coming home at night to Rest. As night approached and took back the land from day, our heroes resolve began to wane. He felt himself suddenly stumbling towards the soothing voice of Rest and the trance of Lethargy; it didn’t take long for him to find them, or maybe for them to find him. Before him were two beautiful delicate sisters shining like polished ivory as the cobalt blue moon cast shadows on their slender bodies. Separate cloth that shining of sharp silver covered both beauties, as they were anticipating his arrival. Rest approached and layers her soft hands on his shoulders. His eyes go shut, suddenly the eerie blue is no more.

His eyes opened as the blazing sun began to rise, revealing it’s hiding place behind the earths graceful form. He plants his firm stance on the ground and begins to arise. But alas, he sees a beautify site near his resting place. It is Lethargy, her slender form kneels behind him and her touch causes his shoulders to droop. As he returns to the place that rest had once prepared for him, he now is able to see Lethargy face to face as she stared down at him. Her appearance is still like that of a Goddess, but the golden sun leaves shadow across her face.

Her eyes do not display the look of motherly concern like earths did. These eyes are solid black, and seem to reflect everything around them. The fiery ball that floats in the sky blasts raise of rejuvenation over Him, but it does not matter. He can see his reflection off Lethargy’s dark stare. As his eyes close and his mind retreats, he mutters curses under his breath. His eyes shut, and what once were broad arms now resemble lead weights. What was once strong legs now are heavy burdens that ignore his command? Each morning he tries to rise and each morning she gently pushes him back down. As he ages, he remembers her half cocked smile, and her cold stare. Every morning she looks over his face. Each day he remembers a little bit less, and each time the day seems a little darker. Finally after habit has set in, he forgets who he is and what he was chasing. Lethargy leaves, she is no longer needed. He has lost his pace and forgotten his goals. The worse part is he forgot where he came from, and so he could not see where he was going. Lethargy may be at work in some of you too. It doesn’t have to be lethargy though. It can be Pride, or addiction. Perhaps fear or loneliness holds you down. For me it is lethargy, sloth. What makes it so much harder is I know the truth. If you allow yourself to be distracted by the little insignificant things that everybody else is distracted by, you will never rise like the rest, you will never get up and continue the quest, you will have sacrificed what some consider the best.

Measuring my life...

Do I rest enough....

Am I eating a balanced diet...

Do I exercise regularly...

Am I too stressed or to relaxed...

Am I taking times of solitude and quite....

Am I healthy?

Do I have a addiction to a drug, emotional feeling, TV show...

Do I control my feelings or do my feelings control me....

Do I rely on a drug or stimulant on a daily or weekly basis....

Do I over work myself..

Do I schedule times of solitude and quite...

Do I harm my body?

Do I spend time with those I love...

Does my time reflect my priorities...

What can I sacrifice today for the greater good...

Do I consume without limit...

Am I helping the helpless...

Do I build up or tear down my fellow man?

Do I only love those who love me....

Do I truly forgive and forget...

Do I welcome pain or try to avoid it...

Do I learn from my mistakes...

Do I have a goal or purpose in life?

Remember that thoughts become actions...actions become habits.....habits become character....character becomes destiny

What is it about women at night…?

What is it about the female species during the later hours of the night…? As I sit in the library and study for my upcoming research methods test tomorrow (pray for me ), I can’t help but notice the number of women who are loudly laughing at each other (seriously, it’s distracting). I am talking “fall out of your seat” laughter at situations that seem to be only mildly humorous. Observing this behavior triggers memories of my previous girlfriend’s or female friends, even female family members engaging in similar comical behavior after the sun had gone down and the darkness had crept around us. And so I ask you in all sincerity, are the majority of women susceptible to increased perceptions of comical episodes resulting in larger amounts of laughter during later hours of the evening or night? Alice Eagly mentioned in her in her book “Sex Differences in Social Behavior: A Social-Role Interpretation” (1987) that “in social situations women smile and laugh more than men”. The research seems to agree with such a statement (Hall, 1984), but why? Perhaps examining the research with greater scrutiny will give us an indication. A study conducted at the Stanford University of Medicine ran physiological tests on one group of men and one group of women (10 subjects each) to examine the way that a person's brain responds to humor. They did this by exposing subjects to comical stimuli). The study found that the women were more likely than their male peers to use the part of the brain that processes rewards during exposure. Further analysis of the data seemed to suggest that women had lower expectations in regard to a reward (in this case, the reward being the punch-line of the joke or cartoon), which resulted in them enjoying the experience more than the men (visit the address http://www.helium.com/tm/395919/several-recent-studies-suggested for further exploration). Could it be that the expectations in regard to a reward in females decrease at night?
Of course this is simply one study with one possible interpretation to why women laugh more than men, so it’s quite difficult to draw causality, especially if a study is still vulnerable to research biases. What if things are not funnier, but that women are simply less hindered in expressing emotions when tired? Research does support the idea that women are more emotionally expressive than men (Brody & Hall, 1993; Broverman et al., 1972; Zuckerman & Larrance, 1979). Perhaps circadian rythem is tied to emotionally expression, and more noticable in the more vunerable?
I recognize that proposing a valid hypothesis about such a statement in only an hour’s review of the vast research available on female and male nonverbal & verbal communication is impossibility. It is futile and a obvious and unfortunatly overly successful time consuming distraction. It is now 1:20 in the morning and I have a test to study for. Seriously, I can’t believe I spent a hour and a half writing/researching this when I have a very hard test tommarow morning…what the %#@$! is wrong with me?!? (sigh) goodnight…(and pray for me)

By the way, If such seemingly futile questions appeal to you, check out Sex Roles: A Journal of Research published Jan, 1995 by Nancy Briton and Judith A. Hall. The article can be found at http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2294/is_n1-2_v32/ai_17012184 .

Confessions

For the will commands that an act of will should be made, and it gives this command to itself, not to some other will. The reason, then, why the command is not obeyed is that it is not given with the full will. For if the will were full, it would not command itself to be full, since it would be so already.
It is therefore no strange phenomenon partly to will to do something and partly not to will to do it.It is a disease of the mind which does not wholly rise to the heights where it is lifted by the truth, because it is weight down by habit. So there are two wills in us, because neither by itself is the whole will, and each possess what the other lacks.
-augustine (Confessions)

Today, six hours on Veoh
Yesterday, four hours
This past weekend, 27 hours
Since I have been in Grad school, 149 hours…and that’s only in 2 & 1/2 months!

Yeah, I would say I have an addiction. Not sure why it took me so long to realize it. I had the epiphany this morning. I was so mad for wasting my time on Veoh, and made up my mind to delete it, when I felt something resisting inside me. That is when I knew it was controlling me… It had to go. Trying to barter with anything that has a hold off you is always a loosing battle. So guess what I did this afternoon…yep, invested five hours on Veoh. Tonight I came to my second epiphany, that I can’t do this by myself. I need help, especially God’s. Claiming His death on the cross has helped me with addiction in the pass, and it can help me now. So if you’re reading this, ask me if I deleted it from my computer… I could use the accountability. The worst part about it is I had two test this week. If I can learn from such mistakes, than I am a better man for it. If I don’t learn and continue down this road, then I am a fool who is like a child who is invited to the Ocean by his father, but continues to play with mud in the dirt, ignorant to how grand the ocean is (paraphrased from a quote by C.S. Lewis).

P.S. For those of you who don’t know, Veoh is a program that lets you stream and download tv shows and movies.

Lenord Griffith in his book titled “God’s time and ours” states that “Satan Temps us at the point of our physical needs. Not that we might gratify them to excess, but that we may think of nothing else and gratify them at the expense of our usefulness in this world. Satan temps us at the point of our ambitions. Not that we might engage in positive evil, but simply except the fact of evil, learn to live with it, come to terms with it and maintain a discrete silence in the presence of it. Satan temps us at the point of our religion. Not that we might disbelieve in God, but that we might demand certainty, that kind of certainty that leaves nothing to faith, nothing to God Himself. These are the moral struggles that have reality for people such as we are. The subtle temptations to renounce our duty in favor of what is attractive, that insidious allurement to a kind of a half goodness which is the essence of everything bad. And which is more productive of suffering and hatred, war and misery in this world than all the desires of wicked and greedy people combined”. What challenging statement. Lord, help me to detest mediocrity and luke warmness as much as you and return to my radical roots as a child of God in "The Way", roots that You established!

my taxes pay for what the...?!?

Ok, so I knew it was the polite thing to do, but I never dreamed it was “the law” to get over on the opposite lane when there is a cop car on the shoulder with his lights flashing. I wanted to, but there was a car in the other lane. Getting over was not an option. So, I do the next best thing, I put my foot off the gas to slow down. Wouldn’t you know it not five minutes go by where I am being pulled over by two cop cars (because it takes two of course since I am such a dangerous criminal). It is late and the moon is hidden behind the clouds, leaving darkness over the highway. Blue and Red lights flash in my peripheral, while questions plague my mind. A young cop approaches my car window with cloths that obviously don’t fit him. The boy in blue demands my licenses. I knew I wasn’t speeding, so I was perplexed. “What did I do officer?” He looks at me like I should know, and with a attitude like John Wayne in a western he says “It’s against the law not to get over when a emergency vehicle is on the shoulder.” My face is contorted revealing my thoughts “you have got to be kidding”. Sadly, he wasn’t the joking type. Ten minutes later I get my license back with a “citation” and 110 dollar fine. I can’t believe it! I have gotten pulled over more than 20 times in my life for some of the ridiculous reasons, but that reason takes the cake and all the calories with it! So, let this be a lesson to the rest, get over.

a 'mormon'umental mistake....

Today was fall break, thankfully a break that included me jetting home to Michigan for some R&R. Something happened though that stuck out to me. On my way to RB (the tech building) on Ball State's campus I walked hurriedly by a pair of young men dressed in white & black suits. They were holding a sign on a wooden bench, trying to make eye contact with people. I thought they looked like the men in black, although a Will Smith was no where to be found and these guys were whiter than skim milk. The sign said "...Mormon..."... that explained the cloths. The boy (he didn't look older than 20) caught me staring at the sign and asked, "you know anything about Mormonism?". My eyes shifted from the poster to him as I hurriedly walked past them, "I'm Christian". I exclaimed in a louder than normal voice and my gaze quickly returned to my destination, the RB building. I could hear as I was walking away one of the young men asked "What did he say?...", and I think the other one exclaimed "He said he was Christian...". By then I had almost reached the building when it dawned on me.... what had I done? Here as a believer I am aways "called to give a reason for this hope that I believe"...that hope is Jesus, and they needed him more than I needed to get to RB. Guilt began to set in, I had a opportunity to wittiness and I hadn't taken it. "Why"? I asked myself. First reason, I didn't feel like defending the faith and getting into a long debate when I was on a deadline.... not an excuse! Second, it was fall break and I had only two hours to get everything done so I could leave. As I was doing my business in RB, those previous events haunted my psyche. "I am a Christian"... the words echoed in my head with a haunting sensation. Great, what had I done!?! The impression I had probably given them is that us so called "Christians" don't have time for them, were to busy involved in our own world. But I knew Christians like me should always have time to listen to those who's religion is different from our own. Not only do we need to show God's love for them and the truth of the Cross... but we need to also show them we value them as God does. These boys took time out of their day, and I couldn't even give them a second. Well, as you can tell, Jesus called me out on it, thankfully. Next time the situation arises, I will make the right choice. I can be so selfish, thankfully God works through situations like these to shape us into who he wants us to be. Sorry to my brothers and sisters out there for giving us a bad name, and if you see these Mormon friends... please say a few words for me.

do I live a lie?

"Were mildly attracted to Jesus’ virtues, but were strongly attracted to our vices. We wouldn't like to loose them because they please us, and the prospects of a significant life with Jesus doesn’t please us as much. Do we expect a new Christian life will just happen without us having to make inconvenient changes with how we live on Monday to Sunday? If so, were like people who want to be solvent, and max out their credit cards, or people who want to be sexually pure and bookmark porn sights. People who want to learn Chinese, but without all the tiresome study that is required with that. " That is from an article in Christianity today's September, 2006 episode. A powerful statement about self sacrifice. I have heard our spiritual nature and our human nature compared to Dog's. The one that we feed the most will obviously be the stronger one, and be able to over power the week. This suggestion technically isn't theologically sound, but I like it anyway. This is scary in a world where the average Christian only spends 4 minutes in prayer a day. I believe in Grace most of all, but that grace doesn’t justify our destruction of ourselves. The beauty of God though his Grace is He can allow any Sin in our lives to show us the freedom we can receive in Him.

Do you feel the Spirit?

How interesting it is in the Christian life that I haven't gotten in the habit to spiritually overcompensate. In fact, the idea was foreign to me till I heard A.W. Towzer mention it in a sermon. He also mentioned the following below:

Things that will fashion you whether you know it or not:
1. Literature you read- ideas fashion your mind like the author
2. Music you listen to- determines what your like inside
3. Pleasures we indulge in. nothing now, but look where it will lead in 15 years.
4. Ambitions we entertain- whatever you would like to be
5. Places we go- on way to heaven, where do you visit? Does it reflect where were going?
6. Words we speak- how careless we are with our speech, our jokes...
7. The friends we cherish- may be hardest aspect. Better break with certain friendships if you’re going to serve God. (Take up cross, turn our backs on everybody necessary, even family). Better have no friends but Christ, than full of friends in Sodom before it's destruction. Walk in counsel of Godly. To go back to this idea of overcompensation, combining it and the Christian walk makes sense, doesn’t it?

Most of my life I have undercompensated for Christ. Meaning; the time I spent with Him was minor, compared to all the other things I invested in my life in. It was five minutes of Christ, three hours of TV. 20 minutes of Prayer, 1 hour of homework. 3 hours hanging with friends, 10 minutes in God's Word. 1 hour eating, 0 time serving the poor. So what has changed? Not totally sure, but I know that the Sprit of the Lord is actively moving in me. I am not sure if my explanation grasps this radical change in my life, but the big change seemed to have occurred last week. I spent four hours in Romans, and afterward I felt cleansed, like God was once again my priority. It's not a hard process. Think about how people spend time tanning on the beach. What does one have to do get a tan? Does he/she have to negotionate with the sun to pour down on him/her? No, the Sun is always doing just that, all the individual has to do is take off his or her covering. Spending with Christ is the same way, we just expose ourselves to Him. My guess is we do this through Fellowship, His Word, Speaking Truth, and Prayer...etc. Then perhaps we will bear the mark, the evidence of being shined on from the Son. Never was a evil dead done that wasn’t thought about first. So Surrendering our time, our thoughts, our hearts to His service, then this Christian Life has begun. "God never tells us anything to get along without Him." - Towzer

And I begin again...

It has been a while since I have last written in this blog. It's a mixture of laziness, and thoughts of pointlessness. For who am i to speak when there is "Nothing new under the Sun"? Well, lets just say with that said I think I am going attempt more quoting on those who have said it before me. John Wesley was a famous preacher or the seventeenth century. Born in to poverty with 18 brothers and sisters, he managed to go to Oxford. May 24Th, 1738 at a prayer meeting God got a hold of him. I am taking an excerpt from his writings "Christian Perfection". Two of my greatest weaknesses of late are laziness and allowing my pleasures to not be fully rooted in Christ. "... (do not) expect the end without the means: expecting knowledge, for instance, without searching the scriptures and consulting with the people of God or expecting spiritual strength without constant prayer and steady watchfulness, or expecting God to bless you without hearing the word of God at every opportunity."
There are times I think that I can resist the temptations of this world, but I can't without diligence in my relationship with the Father. Wesley reminds me of this truth.
"Beware of thinking, 'because I have the love of God I do not need holiness,' or 'since I pray all the time I have no need for set times of private prayer' or 'because I am spiritual I have no need for self examination'"..."Do not allow the desire for tasteful food or any other pleasure of the senses, the desire of pleasing the eye or the imagination, the desire for money or praise or power, to rule you. While you have the ability to feel these desires, you are not compelled to feel them. Stand fast in the liberty wherewith Christ has made you free...Let others see that you are not interested in any pleasure that does not bring you nearer to God, nor regard any pain which does."
That is an intense statement, for I am quite far from only seeking the pleasure that appeases God. I truly realize what this means. If reading a book or watching a movie isn't glorying God, we must not pursue it. If playing a game or singing a song does not Glorify God, it probably isn't what we want to be doing. While this may seem somewhat legalistic, I assure you that a Spirit totally surrendered to God will have natural inclinations such as these. Perhaps we should all consider what it means to be "co-laborers". Being a Christian involves regular disciplines of prayer, fasting, solitude. There is no short-cuts to the "righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" (1 Cor. 3:9, Rom 14:17).

Cost of Discipleship

After examining experts from Dallas Willard’s “The spirit of the Disciplines”, I am reminded that discipleship is not an option like purchasing that IPod or going out to eat instead would be. The following are excerpts that portray his wisdom in such matters:

“…The New Testament is a book about disciples,…all of the assurances and the benefits offered to humankind in the gospel evidently presuppose such a life and do not make realistic sense apart from it. The disciple of Jesus is not the deluxe or heavy duty model of the Christian…He stands on the pages of the New Testament as the first level of basic transportation in the Kingdom of God.
For at least several decades the churches of the western world have not made discipleship a condition of being a Christian…and one may remain a Christian without any signs of progress toward or in discipleship. …Most problems in contemporary churches can be explained by the fact that members have not yet decided to follow Christ. …When Jesus observed that one must forsake the dearest things – family, ‘all that he hath,’ and ‘his own life also’ (Luke 14)- insofar as that was necessary to accompany him, he stated a simple fact: it was the only possible doorway to discipleship. …The disciple of Christ desires above all else to be like him. …The Disciple is one who, intent upon becoming Christ like and so dwelling in his ‘faith and practice,’ systematically and progressively rearranges his affairs to that end. …. One cannot be a disciple of Christ without forfeiting things normally sought in human life, and that one who pays little in the world’s coinage to bear his name has reason to wonder where he or she stands with God. …The correct perspective is to see following Christ not only as the necessity that it is, but as the fulfillment of the highest human possibilities and as life on the highest plane.”

Check out Matthew 28-16-20 to find more reading on this. This week I must meditate on the Lordship of Christ. I do not believe my life currently reflects being under the authority of Jesus. Instead of focusing on the cost of giving these area’s over to Christ, I need to focus on the high price I pay by keeping them under my control.

Wisdom from Lewis

“The Christian way is different: harder, and easier. Christ says, ‘Give me All. I don’t want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want you. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don’t want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked- the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours.’” –C.S. Lewis

What are some of the reasons I fear giving my life completely to God? Perhaps because I want this life to be easy, and I know when I give it away to God it could become hard. I am lazy, and laziness means more work in the long run. Which areas of my life am I most reluctant to surrender to God? Currently it is my time and my eyes. I pour anything in that I want to, not contemplating on the consequences of such actions. In what ways have I experienced the heavy burden of trying to remain in control of my life? I don’t want to surrender to God every morning, and now I have come to the point where I feel I am faking Christianity. I need to return to the place where I diverged from my Heavenly Father, and ask for forgiveness and seek restoration.

Massacare at Virginia Tech

This was sent to me by a friend of Kim's, I think it really gives us a good idea of what to pray specifically, and helps to put more of a personal face on want may be tempted to be a impersonal tragedy. We need to not only feel deeply for those hurting, but aid in what ways we can. If anyone has any idea's, please don't hesitate to share. Already the Body of Believers on Campus are reaching out.

Hello all, Thank you for your continued prayers for the staff and students at Virginia Tech. Please keep praying. I imagine I might have more to update you on later tonight but I don't know that I'll get a chance to email so here is what I know so far. Jeff and Lisa Highfield (the directors of Cru here) with Sarah Gale (the regional director) have been at the Crusade office all day to provide comfort to the students and to brainstorm direction for the staff. They spent most of the day trying to confirm who was injured and killed by making contact with the students. So far, they have confirmed that 4 members of their ministry were killed, 2 women and 2 men. One of the women was a junior and was likely going to take over the international aspect of the campus ministry next year, the other was a freshman. One of the men was actually a student of another campus but was a part of the ROTC program at tech and was in a Crusade Bible Study. One of the big distractions is the amount of media and the invasiveness of their contact with the staff and students here. As I mentioned before, Jeff was on the 700 club this morning and has been consistently bombarded with requests for newspaper, magazine and television interviews. Everyone is trying to find that perfect story or interview and they aren't acting with much tact to get it. It has been an unnecessary distraction that has interrupted the mourning process of everyone here. Would you please pray that the Christians here would respond well to the requests, knowing which requests to answer and also for wisdom as they seek to represent the Lord well in media. In some cases it seems as if the media is asking the Christians to speak for God - explaining why God would allow something like this, or telling where He was. These questions really are impossible to answer and it's clear that no one will really be satisfied with the answers so please pray for wisdom and guidance while they're being interviewed. Continuing with the media prayer requests, there were several Cru students who were present at each stage of the shooting and therefore are being pursued heavily by the media. Molly, a freshman involved in Cru, was the first person to discover the bodies in the dorm room. She is in complete shock at this point, acting somewhat erratically and swaying from one emotion to the next. Please pray for her emotional, physical and spiritual health as she seeks to process through what she saw. CBS will be interviewing her this morning and airing her interview sometime in the next few days. Please pray for Molly this morning. Please also pray for Sarah Gale who will be accompanying her and Tony Arnold (a national staff member who advises on media relations). Molly's story is an incredible story of God's protection of her. Several things came together that morning to protect her - including the fact that she locked her door that morning for the first time and that she slept through her alarm (something she rarely does) and if she had not she likely would have encountered the shooter in the hallway. Molly believes that the shooter went down her hallway and checked the first room, then hers and found that it was locked and so entered the room where Emily and her RA was shot (the 3rd room). As they still have found no connection between the shooter and the people in the dorm room we believe that the Lord did supernaturally protected Molly. Jeff Highfield advertised a website when he was on TV called Gobbletalk.com and everystudent.com. Both are evangelistic websites. On gobbletalk.com there is a facebook ad that takes you to a link called "Where is God in the midst of tragedy?". In the last day there have been 3600 hits to this link, including 9 people who have indicated they made decisions for Christ after reading the article. To help explain the immensity of this, in February they did a media campaign where the sent out 120,000 flyers with the websites address on it. For the entire month of February there were 2600 hits. We're praising the Lord that in the midst of tragedy he is bringing people to himself. Today there will be a prayer meeting at 12:00 at the drill field (kind of like Old Main lawn for the Penn Staters). It is open to all and is being led by the Religious affairs department which encompasses all of the religions on campus. If you could, it would be great if you would pray with us then as well. Thursday evening they are still planning having their regular Crusade meeting. Would you please pray for Jeff as he prepares what to tell the students at that time? There were many students at the house last night and they are a mix of emotions and are all different stages in the mourning process. Jeff and Lisa are opening up their home today for students to come which means that their daughters will likely encounter many of them. We have tried to shelter the girls from thinking anything is wrong but the oldest is aware that something bad happened. Would you please pray for Katie (4) and Lauren (who turns 2 today). I am trying to organize an impromptu birthday party for Lauren today. Please pray that she would feel special. Also, it is Jeff's birthday on Thursday. It may seem silly to think of these things at a time like this but would you please pray for the normal things of life to be celebrated even in sadness. At this point Sarah is leaving on Thursday to go to Singapore and I'm thinking of leaving at the same time. Would you pray that staff would arrive when Sarah leaves and so would babysitting support? I think Tim Henderson will be replacing Sarah and if he does come they may ask him to speak at the weekly meeting. Tim leads the Penn State Cru movement. I suggested that Tim share something about Community 2:8 with a twist, about providing open spaces for their friends to mourn. I'm not sure if that's what will happen but if Tim does speak, please pray for his words as well. Well, I'm sure there's more but I hear the girls upstairs and I'm going to see if I can help. I'll try and update as I hear more. Oh and PS I bought a phone charger. Feel free to call me again.

Love! Thank you! Kim

When the Devil Steals From you..

This Sunday a group of guys met to share what was going on in there life. We do it every Sunday. I initiate the conversation, and they take it from there. Yesterday God took the conversation deep; people confessed there sins to each other, and we prayed for each other and for those who could not attend. The experience strengthened my faith, and encouraged my spirit. Yesterday, in a matter of less than a day I feel like Satan stole that from me. Through just the small decisions that I made through the day, felt a loss of that attentiveness to God the Father.

Thomas Kelly writes of the spirit-empowered life that "Continuously renewed immediacy, not receding memory of the Divine Touch, lies at the base of religious living." It seems simple, but I see now why it is imperative that we continually have fresh experiences of God at each moment of each day. If we subsist on memories of previous experiences with our Creator, we will find that the light in us will fade, the will begins to weaken, and the humdrum of normality will be at our door before we know it. How easy it is to understand that living in Christ is a continual thing...not from memory to memory, but from continual experience of the Creator from every second of every day. Lapses may be at first frequent, but I believe if we pursue this continual renewal, we will be habitually refreshed in our Fathers presence.

Am I neglecting the crusaid for Christ and setteling for a cruise?

I got back from Virginia beach the other day, I had a interview with Regent University for their Psy D clinical psychology program. On the way back to Detroit on the airplane, I talked to a couple who had just been on a cruise. A retired couple, who had been retired for more than fifteen years. The older man was mentioning the many things his wife bought, including a gold necklace for 3,000 and a gold piece from a sunken Spanish ship dated back to 1640 that cost 2,500 dollars.

Today my mom suggested that it would be fun to go on to a Cruise with K-Love (a "Christian" radio station), where audio adrenaline and more would be playing. We have been on one Cruise before, it was perhaps the most fun I have ever had on a vacation.

I am currently aware that there are millions of children who have no access to running water, food, or medicine. There are many more children who are forced into horrible sex trafficking, and forced labor. If Jesus were here today, would he be on the Cruise with K-Love, or in the brothels with Iresha who was sold there at 12 years old. Perhaps there is a better use of our time and money than exploring exotic islands and stuffing our face. Arn't Christians called to live diffretly the couple I mentioned above? We are called to help the helpless. With that said, I realize that I am not a good steward of my blessings. Things will need to change... that change starts with me.

Today is Global Fast 07'...another great reminder that those that have much have a responsibility to those who have few. We were not given such luxury to lavish on our selves. Jesus would not be riding in expensive cars, going on cruises, or eating $20 meals while children were starving. Check out the link below to see what you can do....

$3,135 Provides a water well and pump for a needy community.

$2,600 Provides a house for a destitute family.

$750 Provides 5,000 pounds of rice and beans.

$150 Provides 1,000 pounds of rice and beans.

$135 Provides a water pump to a thirsty village.

$75 Provides 500 pounds of rice and beans

$54 Provides food for two children for one year.

$27 Provides food for a child for one year.

$15 Provides 100 pounds of rice and beans.

$10 Fast for a day and donate what you would've spent on food.

https://www.kintera.org/site/c.dnJGKNNsFmG/b.2507311/k.3C01/Global_Fast__A_Lenten_Sacrifice/apps/ka/sd/donor.asp?c=dnJGKNNsFmG&b=2507311&en=fgJFLPMyHbLELQOCKbKEKXOIKpIZJ7MAIaKMJZNILjKQL6MQE

Thanks be to the Lord that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus, we are forgiven of our apathy, so let us no longer be apathetic to the needs of humanity.

bad boys.... bad boys....what ya gona do?

Call it a comeback, I have decided to again pursue the art known as writing. We had class groups tonight with the Guys. What that is for those who aren't in the loop, class groups are a chance for the different high school grades from Westgate to get together and be the Body of Christ. Tonight I started the non-Jerk-A-Thon. The guys were put into groups of two, and each paid $10 for each other to join. If one is out, they both are out. It is the best way to reflect accountability. This is how it works in the real world to. If I backslide into sexual sin, you know I am hindering my prayer life, and that in turn means less protection/intercession for those I regularly pray for. On a side note, I got another ticket tonight. That's the second one in just two weeks. I also just bought a radar detector tonight. I figure, if I had one all along than I could have saved at least the more than $600 I have paid in tickets and fines. Perhaps this is just putting a band aid on a deep wound, the healing solution prob is to pay absolute attention to my speed.