The Crappy Christmas Pt 2

This is not the first time I've talked about a Crappy Christmas.

However, this year the sullen mood results from facing the fact that I soon will not have a Grandfather. Recently I've gotten to spend some quality time with him. In such a short time I've seen him express both extreme joy and deep sorrow.

A couple days ago I told him that I donated my birthday to Him, and used it to raise money for Blood/Water Mission. I was able to raise $370 dollars towards the cause. He started crying; first for the joy he felt, then for the unresolved sins in his life. It was very powerful- I've never seen him cry so uncontrollably before.

I also had to help my grandma clean up after he alleviated himself in his diper. I hesitate to even type these words- as the act itself is seems so degrading that it should remain private. And yet that is what people tend to do with their Sin. They try to hide it so the appalling reality is hidden under the covers. As disgusting as it was in both sight and smell, what I was witnessing was nothing in comparison to the way God views our sin. The process really made me reflect on the purpose of Christ birth and death on this Earth. Christs death allows God to pick us up from our own filth and wipe off the sin excrement. God then restore us to a pure state. Why.... because of His Love!

Designing a web interface and.... woah, I'm a Glutton!

While looking at blogs to get ideas for designing a User Interface, I came across this phrase (linked here)

Most people think of gluttony in terms of eating. However, the more generic definition of this sin is over-consuming something to the point that it is wasted. It’s a desire to consume more than you can possibly consume.

Wow, I realize recently I have become a glutton for movies. Why? Is it because I download on average 6 movies a day? Is it because my Netflix in-box has 250 movies saved in its queue? Is it because I have two hard drives with about 500 gigabytes filled with movies? Is it because I have around 200 movies on DVD? Is it because I have an accounts at nine different video stores in the midwest? Is it because I know of all the web sights where you can watch free movies/TV? (stagevu.com, quicksilverscreen.com, hulu.com, veoh.com, crackle.com, sidereel.com, surfthechannel.com, southparkstudios.com, vimeo.com, youtube.com, megavideo.com, megaupload.com, tudou.com, .....).

While these are all symptoms of gluttony, I don't believe any alone represent my depravity. They are symptoms, not its source.

I identify myself as a glutton because I acquire so much more than I'm able to consume. Why do I do it? Because I can never have enough... because it is a habit....because I am sinful. We as humans are all to familiar with self destructive tenancies.

I recognize this tendency in my life. Please God, now give me the desire and strength to break it.

a dream within a dream....

Last night I had a dreamed that I was dreaming about my ex girlfriend. It is weird to have a dream in a dream. Then in my dream I was analyzing what I needed to do in response to my dream. In my dream was planning how I would get her back. It was interesting because I don’t think about her much anymore, however she still seems to haunt my subconscious. Why is it that there are those who still haunt us despite having little to do with our current lives? People who have left their mark so vividly that even in their absence they haunt our dreams. Be wary of the people you entrust yourself to. The impact they have may be far greater than you can ever realize.

Driving vs. Crashing Through Life...

Yesterday one of my housemates (and the nephew of the landlord) wrecked his car. Somehow he managed to hit a guardrail head on. As I heard him arguing with his uncle in a mixture of Polish/English, It made me reflect on an epiphany I had come to the week before while reading Tim Kellers Counterfeit Gods. To really dive into it, I need to introduce it as it was revealed to me.
Have you ever found yourself frantically search for your keys as you contemplate on being late for an appointment or work? If not, I commend you..., and you're a weirdo. For those more normal individuals who occasional find themselves misplacing things, this may strike a cord. I assure you there is a sense of urgency, and you experience a sense of tunnel vision where nothing else matters. The reasoning behind this is simple, if we can't find our keys then we can't get to where we need to go.
In Ephesians 2 we here Paul talk about the same dependence. Why don't I radically pursue Christ like I do when I lost my keys? Don't I realize I will never be able to drive on the Christian Road of life without Him? My past week I did little this to seek Jesus, and the byproduct was a multitude of selfish decisions. However, focusing on not making those selfish decisions is fruitless, because if I did not want to make them I would not have. My problem is I need to change not just behavior, but the mind in heart that leads to such behavior. Despite what psychology has taught me, I seem to be unable to do on my own. Therefor, absolute surrender seems to be the only option.

Life in Christ

Chapter 3 of Collossians has such a similar message to the one Tim Keller Presents in Counterfeit Gods. Tim's Message focuses on the Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power. Paul's message is that "we are to be concerned about heavenly things". This section is not a 10 point bulleted list of ways to "live the Christian life"... but rather something so simple it is easily missed, "Set your mind on things above...". If I lost my keys, I would look for them where I suspect I lost them. I wouldn't do anything else before I find them, probably because I wouldn't be able to get where I am going without them. I need to be as passionate when finding true life "In Christ", I must go where Christ is, and seek Christ, for only then will I be able to get anywhere in the Christian life.

After reading this article, i am wondering if my ambiguious tendency was a factor in my three year dating relationship. The high ambivalence had been useful in counseling situations, but not ideal in long term relationships.

"Such shades-of-gray people tend to have trouble in relationships...they stay in relationships longer..."

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703694204575518200704692936.html

My problem with Multi-Level Marketing

I had two friends pitch Network marketing (multi level marketing) to me last week. Not a fan of the whole process, especially since it has some inherent flaws. However, my problem is that I can no longer trust my friends. Let me explain. When I watch a advertisement on TV, I already know there is an agenda attached to the ad. However, when a friend recommends me something, I am typically more apt to consider their recommendation. However, when a friend wants to talk to me about network marketing (and does not tell me upfront), automatically they become a walking commercial to me, pushing to others what ultimately benefits them. I know in some fashion or another we all do this with our peers- but at a socially acceptable level. However, with multi-marketing, friends become dollar signs. I never wish to see my friends as means to an end.