Broken...

You do know this but today (Thursday) I have been under attack spiritually. I feel battered and broken....I feel like all is standing right now of my sanity is a shell. I am in so much emotional pain...I wish you wouldn?t have left. Oh how I wish you wouldn't have been scared of my pain. I wanted you to hug me, but I know you couldn't. You didn't know what I was going through, you didn't even know I was under attack. I wanted you so bad to pray for me right there and then. I wanted you to come to the rescue for me, like I had did earlier for you. But you left, and it has helped me to realize...in the end God is first because God is absolute. Absolutely there, absolutely caring...and has an abundance of strength that He offers to me. I need that strength right now...but why am I so afraid to reach for it, why will I not take His strength, and be victorious in my emotional and mental state. Because His strength means the death of me...I know that. I need that, if only I would want that. Sometimes I do...but not now. Forgive me Father, and pick me up back into your tender grace. Forgive me for loving myself more than you. It is through you that I have a voice in eternity. Amen.