Thursday, December 22, 2005

stagnant- it exists, but not in life


stagnant (stgnnt)adj.
1. Not moving or flowing; motionless.

2. Foul or stale from standing: stagnant ponds.

3.

A. Showing little or no sign of activity or advancement; not developing or progressing; inactive: a stagnant economy.

B. Lacking vitality or briskness; sluggish or dull: a stagnant mind.


The definition for stagnant, so there is no question on what I mean by stagnant. Can one be stagnant in life? If I am sitting in a pond perfectly still, the water is stagnant around me. In life, can we be sitting still in stagnant water? Although life may feel like that at times, I consider that feeling only an illusion. Any movement in the still water can create a ripple, and with the rapids of life in time moving all around us, we are anything but stagnant. I will say this though, if you?re not swimming or moving, you?re being sucked under with the current. I want to be one of those stubborn people who refuse to move with the current, instead fighting it. But the next dilemma that comes is exhaustion. Like those who struggle against an under toe, struggling may cause us to drowned. So now what do you do? You swim with strength that?s not of your own, that?s out of this world (I am referring to strength that comes from the Holy Spirit). But do not be deceived my friend to think that you are living a stagnant life in stagnant waters. In rapids such as the rapids of life, we can only wish to be stagnant. If you think you?re stagnant, perhaps something else is occurring. Perhaps you?re drowning.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

A Crappy Christmas and the fertilizer it brings?



It?s interesting that when God wants to use us in his plans, we tend to neglect the amount of suffering that will entail. We assume that pain is bad and happiness is good. When I think about the people who changed the world, many of them lead very painful lives. Nelson Mandella had to be put in jail forty years for his desire to change his country. You know what he did when he got out? became president and changed his country. Martin Luther King had constant death threats on him, until he was assassinated on April 4, 1968. Ghandi changed the world of India and was key in aiding their freedom from Britain through peaceful protesting. All these men had callings and followed through with them?yet they also all suffered greatly. Does anyone recoil at hearing the words of the Lord to Ananias in Acts 9:15&16, "But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name." To hear the way the Lord talks about suffering, it is quite challenging I must confess. Yet look at the impact their lives filled with suffering had on the world.
With Christmas approaching, Mary is an appropriate example. God?s blessing on Mary, the honor of being the mother of the Messiah, lead too much pain. Her peers most likely ridiculed her for belief that she was unfaithful. Her fiancée? would come close to leaving her. She had to watch her son be rejected, and murdered. But through her son would come the world?s only hope. Did she have an impact on the World? I?d say so.
And finally, with this Christmas season approaching, I would like to bring up something else about Mary; a poor, young, female. The situation of Mary really made her seem unusable by God for any major task. But God chose Mary for one of the most important acts of obedience he has ever demanded of anyone. When we think that another?s abilities, experience, or even their education make them an unlikely candidate for God?s service, think again. I do not believe God?s favor brings instant success or fame, nor does he need to use the successful or famous. It seems to me He chooses the lowly in status and to bless the world (James 1:9&10), and he uses the pain of those he calls to change the world.
For my final thought, if your suffering this Christmas like many are, let Jesus use you to change the world around you. You don?t have to be happy to better others, but you have to be willing. If Christmas gives you crap this year, use it as fertilizer on others lives so that they may grow through your pain, and so our broken hearts may change others.

Imagine you are in front of an auditorium full of people, one thousand people. You have to do a drama presentation in front of the entire assembly. You?re dressed up as a shepherd, wearing a dark multi colored striped bathrobe over your nicer cloths. Six other people are in the sketch, all with previous acting experience. Unfortunately, you have little to none experience. Your lines are memorized, yet you feel this fear swell up inside of you in the bottom of your stomach. You have no time though to dwell on your fear, to think of all the things that could go wrong. You have a show to perform, and your heading out on stage right now. You run out to the stage and play the part, spouting your lines with dramatic emphasis. Things are going smoothly?.until the middle of the sketch. You begin to draw blanks on your lines. Blanks become what seem like long periods of pausing. You panic, not knowing what to do?you start to make up stuff. Shoot, it?s your line. You start it right, ? I don?t know, but I trust God, and know that scripture says?? Yet you don?t remember what the scripture says. You stumble, and say, ?If you believe that the Lord will come, He will come.? ?Great? you think to yourself, ?I just made up scripture?. The other angles in the play are mad at you, the screwed up the first chapel drama, and you made up scripture in front of 1,000 Christians. Sounds like a nightmare? It was, and you can imagine how horrible I felt. Not only had I wrecked it for the experienced, I made up a bunch of stuff that didn?t even fit. So next time someone tells you to be wary of the magic of the stage, I suggest two things. One, This magic isn?t a lucky charms magically delicious good kind of magic, its mean. And second, practice in front of a large flashlight that temporarily blinds 70% of your vision. Then you will find a similar environment to when the magic on the stage hits. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Broken...

You do know this but today (Thursday) I have been under attack spiritually. I feel battered and broken....I feel like all is standing right now of my sanity is a shell. I am in so much emotional pain...I wish you wouldn?t have left. Oh how I wish you wouldn't have been scared of my pain. I wanted you to hug me, but I know you couldn't. You didn't know what I was going through, you didn't even know I was under attack. I wanted you so bad to pray for me right there and then. I wanted you to come to the rescue for me, like I had did earlier for you. But you left, and it has helped me to realize...in the end God is first because God is absolute. Absolutely there, absolutely caring...and has an abundance of strength that He offers to me. I need that strength right now...but why am I so afraid to reach for it, why will I not take His strength, and be victorious in my emotional and mental state. Because His strength means the death of me...I know that. I need that, if only I would want that. Sometimes I do...but not now. Forgive me Father, and pick me up back into your tender grace. Forgive me for loving myself more than you. It is through you that I have a voice in eternity. Amen.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Perspectives on Poverty, A suburban white boy trying to understand...



If you are reading this to perhaps catch an original thought from myself; today is not the day my friend. Today I would prefer to write about a book that has helped change my mentality of urban poor. I went down to Chicago this past week to help the poor and learn from them. This book was read in preparation of the event. The book is "Theirs is the Kingdom" by Robert D. Lupton. Through Robert Luptons self reflections and honest quips about his life and experiences, I have challenged pre-conceived beliefs that I have previously had about the urban poor. First, let me acknowledge that I have no experience being poor, not even close (although I am in college, I always have enough food to eat and a roof over my head).

"...because (I) realize (I) have not yet seen life through their eyes. (I) don't know how it feels to be chronically jobless with no legal capacity to support a wife or family. (I) don't understand how strong young men get trapped in a permanent pool of unneeded labor at the bottom of our economic system. And (I) wonder: how does it feel to be both disdained by society and impotent to achieve within your culture even the most basic position of respect - the head of the household?"

(a quote from Roberts, and just assume if you see any more quotes in this post that they are also from him). I have a heart for the poor, but is it a faulty one. I give to the poor, but do I let them give back to me? Do I belive they have anything to give back to me? Can I learn something from them? Roberts puts well into words my arrogant attitude that I didn?t even realized I had.

"I have resources and abilities to cloth the ill-clad, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless. These are good works that our Lord requires of us. And there is blessedness in this kind of giving. But there is also a power that allows me to retain control. My position as a helper protects me from the humiliation of appearing to need help. Even more sobering, I condemn those I help to the permanent role of recipient. When my goal is to change people, I subtly communicate: Something is wrong with you; I am okay. You are ignorant; I am enlightened. You are wrong; I am right. If our relationship is defined as healer to patient, I must remain strong and you must remain sick for our interaction to continue. People don?t go to doctors when they are well. The process of "curing" then, cannot serve long as basis for a relationship that is life producing for both parties. Small wonder that we who have come to the city to save the poor find it difficult to enter into true community with those we think needy."

But yet how necessary this is. Anyone can serve the homeless a meal or two. One does not loose their pride in that. It is in walking along side and being a friend, even associated with, is quite a different story. That sad thing is many don?t even take time from their busy schedules to serve the needy, let alone befriend those in poverty.

"But when I am honest with myself, I must admit that I cannot fully care for one who is suffering without entering into his pain. The sick must be touched if they are to be healed. The weak must be nourished, the wounded embraced. Care is the bigger part of cure. Yet I fear contagion. I fear my life will get out of control and I will be overwhelmed by the urgent affairs of others?I resist the Christ who beckons his followers to lay down their lives for each other. His talk of a yoke, a cross, of bearing one another?s burdens and giving one?s elf away is not attractive to me. The implications of entering this world of suffering as a "Christ-one," as yeast absorbed into the loaf of human need, are as terrifying as death itself. Yet this is the only way to life. The question is, will I choose life?"

But it?s not my problem. Many chose that life. A lot of the people are mental and are happier being homeless. All are excuses, all prevent us in facing the facts. Do you know what the average age of poverty is? It's 9 years old. Quite far from the stereotypical crazy old man with a beard like you see in the movies. There is many people who are homeless that you would never know it by looking at them. They don?t smell like whisky and don?t talk to someone who?s not there. What are you and I doing about that nine-year-old? You know what I do? I volunteer in homeless shelters and serve perhaps on average six or seven times a year. Is six times all it takes to help me sleep at night? What can I be doing more than just serving? How can I get involved in their life? Can I invite them over to dinner? You see, I don?t want to be a hypocrite. Let?s face it, you don?t love the poor if your not doing anything about poverty. And for people like me who work occasionally to help out?do we have the right heart? Do we truly love them or is it situational love. I was reading from the same book about a group of un-welcoming neighbors who fought to prevent cheaper housing (the cheaper housing was to help those burdened by poverty in the community) from being built across the street. Why? Because they did not want to see their property value decrease. These were not bad people, just your ordinary next door neighbor. But many were NIMBY?s. NIMBY?s will serve at the soup kitchen and give money to the women ringing the Salvation Army bell outside Jefferson and 18th street. But, they have a policy about how close the poor can get to their lives. The NIMBY policy means "Not In My BackYard". How sad that so many of us will go to the poor, but we don?t want the poor coming to us.
It?s their fault. They made the bad decisions? they are living with the consequences. Although I doubt many would be so blatantly harsh, I recognize that there is truth in that statement. But I wonder if a faulty system is also a big part of this? Did everyone have the luxury of being taught that they need to be good stewards of their money? Perhaps they were never taught that need comes before want? Some think that this is innate in a human being, but what if it?s not? What if those hurting are hurting more from a fallen system in a fallen world?

"Welfare. Such a positive word as Webster defines it. But its meaning has changed in recent years. It has become despised. It evokes feelings of anger and resentment. It is the generic term for a system that destroys people. Take people who are able and strong. Place them in the wealthiest land on earth. Surround them with unparalleled opportunity. Then pay them not to work, not to strive, not to achieve. Pay them to accept nonproductively as a way of life. Agree to subsidize their families with food, shelter, health care, and money if the fathers will leave. Do this for two or three generations and see what you produce. You will have a people who are unmotivated and dependent, whose hopes and dreams rise no higher than their subsidies- a people who have lost the work ethic, who have learned that other swill take responsibility for them and who therefore assert little discipline or control over their own lives. You will have emasculated their men, making them expendable and unnecessary to their families? existence. You will have created a generation of pride less, fatherless youth who believe that receiving and taking is better than working and investing. And when you have seen the hope disappear from the eyes of the young, you can be sure you have developed an effective formula for the destruction of a people. We call it welfare."

I do not believe welfare is entirely evil, yet as an individual favoring behaviorist theories (mainly Skinners beliefs), the effects of instant rewards for failure can be quite damaging. Am I suggesting we forget welfare and throw everyone using it out into the street who can?t pay housing? Of course I am?just kidding. No, not in the slightest. But can we not revamp the system. It their not a better way? And in this system, what is our role as the Body of Christ?

"The church ?(is) in a death drift that moves us from serving to preserving. We feel it carrying us along. Our spontaneous fellowship soon becomes a program. Bearing one another?s burdens becomes a budget line item. Self-sacrificing friends become paid professionals with titles (counselor, minister, director) and salary packages, longevity guarantees, and retirement benefits. Our meeting places turn into "holy places" with stained glass, polished oak, and locks. Taking "no thought for tomorrow" becomes sentimental rhetoric as we build bigger barns and amass insurance and endowments and reserve funds against the unpredictable events of our future. But the church has no future. We have only the present. In this present moment we must spend, lavish, and give away our tomorrows for the sake of his kingdom today. In short, we must die. Today. That is the only way to save our lives. The church is called to life at Golgotha. If perchance tomorrow morning we discover that our depleted spirits have a new supply of energy, that the emptied offering plate is full once again, and from sacrificial dreams whole new dimensions of life have burst forth, then we will begin to understand something of what the resurrection is about. In the other side of death, each death, stand our risen Lord. And he beckons us."

Alright, since my blog is pretty much Robert?s blog, due to the amount of his material I have used, I am just going to end my final quote from him:

"Indeed, His (Jesus?) teachings are suicidal for the successful. The downward mobility of the kingdom strikes at the very heart of our earthly strivings. It feels like death to let go of our diligent proportions for the next step up and the investments that insure our tomorrows. Who in their right mind would gamble away a reasonably predictable and secure future on a high-risk, intangible faith venture like the kingdom of God? A balanced portfolio makes more sense. A good mix of earthly investments with enough heavenly stock to carry us if the bottom falls out of the economy. The best of both worlds we might say."

It?s to bad God didn?t leave us that option though:

Matthew 6:24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Favorite Web Sites

I think you can tell allot about a person by the web sites he visits. Does he or she use the web for personal enrichment most of the time? Does he /she use it as a communication's medium? Does he/she use it to download copywrited material? Is he or she addicted to something or someone on the internet? The internet has many uses and has been quite good to me. To give you a little taste of who I am, I have included ten websites that I enjoy. Who knows, perhaps we have similar interest.

1. http://www.congress.org/congressorg/home/ It is how you can change our political system, one step at a time.
2. http://www.govliquidation.com/ The extra things that the army is trying to get rid of, it sells. Check out some of the things you can buy on here.
3. http://www.abandonia.com/ - contains old Doss Games that you can download, were talking some classics here!
4. http://www.mediathatmattersfest.org/mtm04/index.php -I like media that remindes me that my life's not about me
5. http://www.gutenberg.org/ - here you can download books for free (any that are on the public domain)
6. http://abort73.com/ If you ever want to know the truth about Abortion
7. http://www.writely.com/ A free Word processing tool online. Now you can break the Monopoly of Word
8. http://www.ijm.org A great ministry site, check it out. Sure makes me glad to be born in America
9. http://www.snopes.com/ A site that proves or disproves urban legands. Kind of fun.
10. http://www.soundamerica.com Site that ofers free music and more. The coolest thing about this site is that you can download most of the Christmas music known to man.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Do you need to smile today?

For the many in the world today who just maybe need a laugh, here are some of my favorite one liners...and don't take life so seriously, otherwise you will never get out alive.

1. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
2. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
3. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
4. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
5. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
6. Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
7. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
8. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
9. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
10. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
11. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
12. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
13. DARE to keep cops off donuts.
14. Dyslexics of the world, untie!
15. Don't steal. The government hates competition.
16. Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
17. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
18. We are all part of the great statistic, 10 out of 10 people will die. This point may not be funny, but their is nothing funny about not knowing where your going when you die. Please, I beg of you to search for an absolute truth.

A huge disaster and a ounce of truth...

After going on a five-day trip to help the victims of hurricane Katrina, I must confess feelings of utter helplessness and sadness. To see the far-reaching impact of the disaster and yet how profoundly impacted each individual life was. My heart goes out to the many more now that do not have a place to call home, nor a roof over their heads. It is also sad that many insurance companies are not considering the flood damage part of the hurricane. Only those impacted directly by the winds and waves are covered by insurance. Many are left to fend for themselves and without government aid or fellow human compassion they would be helpless. But isn't that how it works in a capitalist system based on social Darwinism? The strong survive and the weak are washed away? Hardly, for situations like this can not be explained by social Darwinism or any other political/social/spiritual theory (nor should they be). One should not be caught up in a figure of speech so that the "metaphor becomes an ideology". Bad things happen, that is an unavoidable truth that we can not change. How we respond to them is a different matter. After just getting back from Gulf Port in Mississippi, I can tell you that there is still very much a need for volunteers to help. We went through World Hope; you can check it out here at http://www.worldhope.org/e-letters/sept05e-letter.htm.

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."-Anonymous

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

A book mark made out of dead skin cells?

I will tell you a story and you can tell me if you find this disgusting. While I was in a class I took out my book entitled "The Portable Arthur Miller", a small paperback book containing some of Arthur Millers greatest plays. I had purchased the book online some time ago and had not gotten around to opening it yet. Well, when I opened it for the first time I found something quite repulsive in my opinion...Hair. Not just one or to strands, but many hair follicles littered in the pages of this book. Were talking black, thick strands of hair. Hair that is so fresh, the ends that once were sprouting from a fleshy head were sticking in between the pages. I couldn't believe how much hair was in the pages of this classic work of literature. So with that I urge you, please...use sticky notes, scraps of paper, if you must even fold the pages. Under no circumstances though should anyone ever use hair to bookmark their pages, no one wants your hair in their book. I don't care if you think it preserves the paper or even adds to the story. The only thing it truly adds to is the repulsion of your readers.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

To shatter one's self perception..




As l ponder at the point l reside in life's spectrum, l wonder if l am able to face the dark nights of the soul. Can l withstand the three to six that we all must go through, the darkest watch of the night? What will keep me standing when others around me break in agony and wither on the cold pavement of life?s unfair reality? Will it be my character? Perhaps, but where does my character reside? Does it play a role in my life now? As a Christian man, I believe certain truths. I believe that I must keep my mind and eyes pure from sexual images and ideas (as I am unmarried). Do I practice this and strive with all sincerity? Do I plead and cry out for help when I am unsuccessful? Do I practice truth in all areas of speech and action? Am I consistently late (and selfishly view my time as more important)? Do I life for my own convenience or the service of others. I ask myself this so that I may shatter my self-perception and view through the broken pieces to the harsh mirror of reality. I desire to see myself for who I really am?but would I be able to handle what I see? Through the eyes of grace someone sees us for not who we are, but for who we can be. But we can be nothing without His Son. May Jesus continue to show you not for who you are, but what you can be. Of course, it is pointless to do anything without Christ Jesus. If you don?t spend time to know and grow in Him, you won?t be able to see yourself for who you really are.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

The depravity of a sinful man


Sin
Like a parasite, it sucks all the life out of you...and keeps taking. Like a disease it makes you vile and unclean. It affects your behavior, I hesitate to be by people because they might get infected. Hypocrite, I live a double standard. Even when I feel on a valley and have divine protection....it hovers over me. It slimes accross my body, scanning for a habbit or weakness where it can eat away from the inside. It strikes and twists and claws at my flesh, making me a hollow man. Once I encouraged others to keep me accountable, but now like Mr. Hyde I snap at them, hoping they will run. Run, Run, everyone run...from my sickness, my slime of sin, it becomes a pool at my feet. The pool forms hands...the hands form talons...from the hands come arms...arms that seem so strong. They pull on my skin and flesh, grabing anything that they may grasp. They are so Strong! They pull me under, to there detestable leval. "HELP"...I ring of a blood curtling screem, "HELP, PLEASE...". Tears streem down my face and fall into the impeding Slug. "I am sorry", I choke out..."I am sorry I pushed you away, all of you away...please don't leave me here"!! "Are you going to leave me here?!?" But no one can hear my cry, for they can not see my silent unmerciful killer. People walk by me, and they smile. They look apon my sufficating body...and THEY SMILE! Why do they smile? What inhuman person would see one of there own, choking, struggling, dying.....and smile?!? The strangest part is...I smile back. And then, I loose hope. I discontinue my struggle, and allow the razor sharp talons...the crusing hands...and the blackest arms to tear me apart and submerge me. All Hope is lost! I am discusting. I am weak. I am empty. I Am cold. I am hurting. I am alone.
And then He comes. At the moment when no one else is willing to touch me... He reaches down. His strenght is unfathomable, as He lifts me out of the devouring muck with ease. My hands touch His hands, and then I understand...my skin touches His...and I feel his scars. Scars that were created, that were inflicted, for this exact moment, so he could lift me up from this deadly dark murk. I examin myself to find that none of the sticky poision is attached to me, it lies at a puddle at my feet. I say to him, "How is this possible"? He says "What is impossible for man, is possible for God." (Matthew 19:26)

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Do not dry pants in the oven...


One would think that by getting up an extra hour early, I would have plenty of time to get to work. This is not the case though, especially since I had no clean pants and my dryer doesn?t work. This was my predicament this morning. I had a wet pare of kackies that I needed dry. The mistake I made was assuming that the oven would do just as good of job as the dryer. It doesn?t, for those of you who don't know that yet. I didn't have a big pan or a big oven (it was an electric oven for those of you who think that this story might end with fire, it doesn?t). I had to fold the pants three times to fit them on the pan and get them in. To make a long story shorter, I pulled the pants out and they were not evenly dry. There were some wet spots still, but the water was evaporating do to the high temperature of the pants (I could not even hold them they were so hot). I then noticed something different about the pants. They were discolored; the ends that were folded were discolored. I was appalled, my nice new pants looked like some three year old tried to tie die them and failed. I had purple streaks on my once brown pants....it was a disaster. What is the moral of the story? Wearing wet pants is better then purple striped pants.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


"I am 13 years old. I come from Bagato village a few kilometres away from Hangu city. I was admitted to the Madrassa Tajweedual Quran two years ago. The Holy Koran is comprised of 30 chapters and I have learnt seven chapters by heart so far. "

This was quoted by Muhammad Hashim who is on his way to completing the Hiffaz (which is learning the Koran by heart). He is one of many Islamic males who embark this quest, and it would seem many finish in their mid twenties. Few I find show such devotion to a book. When was the last time that you or I were so devoted to a book that we set out to memorize every word on every page? I am a servant of Jesus Christ, and I am shamed to say that I perhaps spend .1% of my day specifically devoted to memorization. It is true that I am not sure what motivates such individuals, perhaps legalism or parental pressure. That dose not excuses my ability to be easily sidetracked. Video games, television, movies, they may not all be bad, but what part do they play in my future. What impact will I reverberate in our world by spending my time playing Video Games? Even if I don’t believe in Muhammad Hasim’s God and recognize that his studies are in vain, he could teach me a lot about dedication and priorities. May I be as devoted to my One True God as Muhammad Hasim is to his. You can see the interview with Hashim and others at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/talking_point/4715235.stm#muhammad

Saturday, January 15, 2005

A mighty rising impasse treads on as drops of water conform into one giant serpent slithering along the vast land. Glints of silver can be seen fighting this stubborn serpent, defying the rivers will. I, Nate, am one of these salmon. The salmon spends a lot of their life fighting the current. I as a Christian am doing the same. I am fighting the rushing rapids of our culture as It seeks to devour my destiny and direct me with all the other life in the river. I may align myself with the salmon, but I recognize that I am barley worthy to wear such a title. Sometimes I feel as if I am facing the current, but not necessarily fighting it. Fish perhaps watch my defiance, but pass with belittling thoughts. Other times I find myself drifting with the current: resting and loosing ground in the process. Lord, I pray you make the current of our culture noticeable for all, and that you would raise men with the leave to fight the lack pf purity, the increase in immorality, the rise of homosexual sin, and the pride of prosperity. To stand as a sign against fake tolerance, and surface acceptance, may I be of those men whom life goes against the grain. Amen.