The Edge

He stepped up to the red rocky cliff and looked out on the vast menacing canyon below. The view shared a striking resemblance to the badlands that he had seen as a kid in Arizona. He couldn?t help but ponder where life?s journey had thus far taken him. He chuckled to himself as he remembered a saying a friend often said; "It?s called Present because each day is a gift from God". "If that?s true," he said, "I am really not sure what to do with His gift". Truthfully, he could think of a number of things that he could do with this "present", and yet they all seem to fall short. He then laughed a nervous laugh at the pun he just made. He did seem to feel a deep chasm in his heart A chasm that he was now responsible for. Through growing up, he has found that he could rely on others to spur on his walk with Jesus Christ. In High School when he first met Jesus, it was through the youth group retreats, weekly gatherings and prayer meetings that he would stay encouraged in his faith. Then in college he was surrounded with encouragement. He witnessed many who were so in love with their Maker, and he saw this lived out. But now his relationship with them had changed. He would no longer see those same people on a daily basis, or even a monthly basis any more. Now he went from having everyone to no one. Of course things weren?t as bleak as this picture his mind painted for him, but isn?t the reality that we know through our mind?s eye. And further more, isn?t out decisions and moods therefore vulnerable to our mind?s chemical state. Perhaps with a little more serotonin in his amygdale would prevent him from asking such questions. Then he would remain as high as a kite. "But what goes up must come down" he told himself. He reminded himself that it was in the valleys of this life that he had formed who he was and especially his attachment to God. He knew this wasn?t about the chemical processes in his head, even if they were responsible for what was taking place right then. This was about a choice. This September he would have no Indiana Wesleyan University. He would have no "Spring Summit" to rekindle that purifying fire within. He would not have such an abundance of friends to pour into him what he desperately longed for. There was no doubt that he still needed the Body of Christ, this was for sure. But now it was his turn, his part to play.
He looked back at the winding road he had traveled to come up to this cliff. It seemed long, but that was deceptive and he knew that the trail ahead would be much longer. Then he looked to the sides of him. He noticed a path shortly east of his position along the cliff. The path traveled alongside this menacing chasm, you could get the feel of the great divide without falling into it. The path seemed like it had been traveled often. He sighed in a tired expression and removed his backpack and set it on rock beside him. In it he had all he needed to survive on the journey. Sadly, he had already learned that he wasn?t able to take it with him. There were other packs there too. A variety of different hiking packs; some were larger, others more colorful. It would seem their owners also learned that non-of this mattered, since the pack can no go with them. He stepped back from the ledge as thoughts went racing in his head. There was still so much to do, so much he wanted to know. And yet, he felt that all events in his life were experiencing a culmination at this moment. It was like they had been quizzes that were all leading up to this final test. Quizzes that were preparing him for this day. He stepped back farther from the ledge and pondered some more. He knew it was pointless to try anymore. Trying just didn?t work. He wasn?t strong enough to try the rest of his life. "Try to grow closer to God?" No, trying was impossibility, it could not be done. He would have to surrender everything, even the act of trying. "I need you!" he bursts out from the deep chasm in his heart, stepped back a little bit more, and then lunged forward. His breaths became gasps and air flowed through his hair and around his body as he sprinted towards the edge of the cliff. He ran with as much strength as he could muster towards the cliff. When he reached the cliff, he had no time to hesitate. Instead he thrusts his legs out from the rocks, propelling him horizontally as he fell vertically. As tears formed in his eyes from the sharp wind cutting around his face he thought, "I?ve done my part, it?s your turn Jesus".

What world do you live in?

I recently saw the film "X-Men: The Last Stand" and enjoyed it very much. The movie kept me on the edge of my seat; it was full of surprises. I have always enjoyed the cartoon and comics of the X-Men. Something about the idea that there are those with special powers that distinguish them from the rest appeals to me. I also enjoy the attempt to attribute more accurate emotions to the characters. Although it is straight fiction, the realistic emotional state of the characters makes the movie that much more captivating. Movies are nice in that regard. They give us a little break from our own little world. In just a short period of time we can experience a whole range of emotions. Excitement, love, sorrow; they are all possibilities. At one moment we can feel an adrenaline rush as the main character engages in a near escape with death; the next we can feel strong dislike for a character that seeks to harm another character in some way. Movies can offer that needed break from the daily routine of daily life, or give you that ability to turn your brain off and leave your emotions on. I think it is a dangerous place though too, that place where your emotions are engaged and your captivated into another world that exists through your minds eye. The first risk is the imposing of images that invoke emotions on your conscious without critical thinking there to sensor and rationally compartmentalize it. Two, there is a tendency to desire to stay in that place of stimulated amygdala response and frontal lobe relaxation. We can't afford to stay in such a state, there is too much work to be done in this world. We can't afford to get stuck into a video game that consumes hour?s upon hours of our time. Not when there are kids still going hungry on the streets. We can't afford to watch fifteen movies in one week. Not when girls are being forced into prostitution and widows are being evicted from their homes. We can't afford to be engaged in any form of entertainment that becomes our focus. Time is too precious and life is too short to be investing in anything else besides this world and its residents. As soon as we start getting wrapped up in some imaginary world and start neglecting this one, that is when we have become no good to this world. Martin Luther King Junior once said that "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." What is the line though that separates a mere casual desire for entertainment, and a unhealthy obsession to be entertained? Is there a line? If we have to ask that, we might as well ask ourselves when it was that our lives began to end

The Children of the Landfill

This is my fifth day being back in the United States. I was only there two weeks, but it was long enough. There was enough time to fall in love with the kids from the streets. Long enough to develop relationships with the kids in the Manuelito Project. Long enough to see the needs and long enough to have the faces at the landfill burned into my mind. I still feel like what I saw was a dream, I have to force myself to believe that it is happening this very moment, the sight is that unbelievable. Imagine that you are ten years old. You have never heard the term baseball, and you have never owned your own stuffed animal. You do not have time to worry about that, you have to help feed your family, you have to feed yourself. You make money by scrounging through a city landfill, finding something that you can recycle, sell, or even eat. The trucks come and back into the large landfill, not even pausing for you to get out of the way. They dump the trash and you dig your little ten-year-old hands through the waste. You have to fight to get anything of value from the crowed that has now surrounded the newest delivery. You pick through sharp glass and rotten food, the smell no longer bothers you, you have grown up in this landfill. You have picked through trash only to uncover parts of aborted babies, been pricked by used hospital needles, and seen people run over by garbage trucks. I do not pretend to even have an idea of what it is like to live by picking through trash, making if lucky 40 cents a day. I only can imagine from the stories I have heard what the experience would be like for a child. Fortunately, there is something that you and I can do?
Check out the World Gospel Mission video on the ministry at http://www.wgm.org/cms/story/Story.asp?tid=3&did=675&pid=1846#top

It is my fifth day in hondurous right now, it the manulito project is amazing. I love the kids, and I am starting to understand more and more spanish. The girls found a scorpion in their room a couple days ago, and then it dissapeared. Also, alot of people have shotguns here. the police are deffinitly a lesser role. Everything else is great, weather is 90 degrease and high humidity (with little rain). God is doing amazing things. Please pray for Joel, a member of our team. His grandpa died two days ago. Also pray for Bethany strickland, who has thrown up the past two days. We are improving their water pipes, and so we do lots of digging, mostly with pick axes because the ground is so tough. Pray that our strength holds out, and that we are very effective in our work. The key is not to try to do it on our own strength, but God's. Pray that we depend on him instead of our own power. Thanks for your prayers, they are coveted! Buenos Dias!

Yes, but why Nyquil?

If I have any regular readers out there, my apologies for not writing regularly. I have been quite distracted by the pressures of school. In fact, I still have to finish a literature review on breast cancer, a workbook on my theology, and a presentation for a Missionary video for St. Croix's Christian Union Church. So with all that to do, why on earth would I take Nyquil? Maybe it was because I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and it was all I had. Maybe because for some reason I thought I could withstand any of the effects. Maybe I thought my daily dose of adderall would counter the drowsiness. Well, of course I fell back asleep and woke up at 7:15 in a dreamlike state. A dream that was continually pulling me back towards my bed as if I was experiencing the effects of a black whole. I finally gave in at 6:30 that afternoon. So, life lesson? Nyquil for nights, Dayquil for days...period.

How simple this Christian life can be, and yet how complicated it can be at the same time. In the past I would fill my days w/ activities or involve myself in activities that I thought God would be pleased with. And at the same time I would find that I was to busy to be in Gods word and in prayer. And yet, How easily I recognize now that any day I do not surrender to the heart of God through prayer and scripture (and a number of other ways) are days I have ultimately sinned against Him. Any day without setting aside time and seeking God is a day that I unconsciously think I can handle without Gods divine interaction in my life. How can I know what He want's me to do if I am not in tune with him? Father, before I try to do anything for you, help me to spend time with you. (Isaiah 41)

Three True Thoughts from an adult with ADD?

Background: At local coffee shop/pub (Beatniks) for St. Patrick?s day with three other friends and we are given a St. Patrick?s day party pack that contains hats, pins, necklaces, noisemakers, and pulled firework poppers.
Brief laps of intelligence: "Hmm, when Katie shot her firwork confetti popper just a second ago, it didn?t go very far. Perhaps if I shoot while pointing at her face, it won?t hurt her but give her a funny scare."
Reality: momentary blindness and irritated eyes for Katie while Nate apologizes profusely.

Background: Book check for theology 1 is due Monday. Have to finish it up on suday night. Sit down at 1:30 am to get cracking.
Brief laps of intelligence: "Perhaps if I wash the show Stargate on my computer while I type, the whole process will go by faster."
Reality: working on book till 6:00 am in the morning.

Background: I get back from class and decide to make cinnamon roles. I place them on baking pan and put on icing, forgetting that icing goes on last.
Brief laps of intelligence: "Well, perhaps even though the icing is on they will still bake fine."
Reality: Smoke alarm is going off as crisp smoking cinnamon roles are pulled from the oven.

It?s not easy being ADD. Sometimes, I have no idea what I was thinking. There is no cause for alarm. This happens 10% of the time, and God is watching over me 100% of the time. Chance of hurting others or myself, about 1% of the time. But then?we must ask ourselves, maybe it was your or my time to go. (Please don?t take anything just stated seriously, this dose not reflect the theological doctrine of this writer).