Random Graduate Thoughts....

The demise of a Penn State football coach causes me to reflect on inaction...

2012-01-23T21:09:00.003-05:00

Anyone following news lately is familiar with the outspoken faith of Tim Tebow. However, after listening to a podcast about the recent death of Joe Paterno, I never realized the Coach said a prayer after every game. I, like many, remember him as the coach who was fired for not doing something more to stop the children abused by coach Jerry Sandusky. Sad that not doing more was the legacy he will be remembered by many. Edmund Burkes is famous for stating "The only thing necessary for the triumph [of evil] is for good men to do nothing". Joe Paterno has publicly stated that he regretted not doing more to stop Coach Sandusky. It makes me recount in my life of the times where I have been guilty of inaction. It is my opinion that G.K. Chesterton said it best in his responded to an article in a respective newspaper. “Dear Sir: Regarding your article 'What's Wrong with the World?' I am." Ditto Mr. Chesterton.

Publish Post

Becoming a better online communicator...

2011-03-07T19:12:00.002-05:00

One of my weaknesses is communication. This is especially true of online communicaton. I found these helpful articles (here & here) that express good tips when sending out emails. If your like me, then they are worth checking out.

Comfort and the fish...

2011-03-03T20:06:00.002-05:00

"You should always take steps out of your comfort zone from time to time; for if you do, you are bound to come across something beautiful. Sometimes greatness waits just beyond the mysterious door that we never choose to journey through." A friend of mine wrote this, and I see its truth in my own life. Many of the times I've witnessed God work involved me stepping out out of my comfort. In fact, this serves as a reminder, since I've not done that lately. I remember back during my undergraduate days at something I had witnessed in my own life & upbringing... that comfort can kill Christians. If we become complacent, we can die. Harsh maybe, but the same is true of the salmon who swims up stream. If he lets the river win, then he dies. Our struggle in this world is quite similar only the life that we save is spiritual, and surviving may cost us our life- at least the one we want.

Have I lost a heart for the lost?

2011-01-13T12:47:00.003-05:00

Today's reading in Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest was quite convicting. He states "God continually introduces us to people in whom we have no interest, and unless we are worshiping God the natural tendency is to be heartless toward them." Chambers then asks if our daily activities are pushing out our time for Worshiping God. He ends with the question "Are our lives in the proper place so that we may participate in the intercession of our Lord and the Holy Spirit?"

This is especially convicting because the last six months I have not truly thought much about the salvation and restoration of my colleague. Just yesterday a colleague whose office is next to mine indicated that both she and Clark had been praying whenever she heard me talk to my office mate about God. It then dawned on me that the 3 Christians I know in my company of 400,000 (granted I've not even met .01% of them) have their offices next to mine. Could it be a coincidence that these two believers are only a ear shot away? Of course... but then coincidences are Gods way of remaining anonymous.

The Crappy Christmas Pt 2

2010-12-26T00:18:00.002-05:00

This is not the first time I've talked about a Crappy Christmas.

However, this year the sullen mood results from facing the fact that I soon will not have a Grandfather. Recently I've gotten to spend some quality time with him. In such a short time I've seen him express both extreme joy and deep sorrow.

A couple days ago I told him that I donated my birthday to Him, and used it to raise money for Blood/Water Mission. I was able to raise $370 dollars towards the cause. He started crying; first for the joy he felt, then for the unresolved sins in his life. It was very powerful- I've never seen him cry so uncontrollably before.

I also had to help my grandma clean up after he alleviated himself in his diper. I hesitate to even type these words- as the act itself is seems so degrading that it should remain private. And yet that is what people tend to do with their Sin. They try to hide it so the appalling reality is hidden under the covers. As disgusting as it was in both sight and smell, what I was witnessing was nothing in comparison to the way God views our sin. The process really made me reflect on the purpose of Christ birth and death on this Earth. Christs death allows God to pick us up from our own filth and wipe off the sin excrement. God then restore us to a pure state. Why.... because of His Love!

Designing a web interface and.... woah, I'm a Glutton!

2010-11-18T17:06:00.005-05:00

While looking at blogs to get ideas for designing a User Interface, I came across this phrase (linked here)

Most people think of gluttony in terms of eating. However, the more generic definition of this sin is over-consuming something to the point that it is wasted. It’s a desire to consume more than you can possibly consume.

Wow, I realize recently I have become a glutton for movies. Why? Is it because I download on average 6 movies a day? Is it because my Netflix in-box has 250 movies saved in its queue? Is it because I have two hard drives with about 500 gigabytes filled with movies? Is it because I have around 200 movies on DVD? Is it because I have an accounts at nine different video stores in the midwest? Is it because I know of all the web sights where you can watch free movies/TV? (stagevu.com, quicksilverscreen.com, hulu.com, veoh.com, crackle.com, sidereel.com, surfthechannel.com, southparkstudios.com, vimeo.com, youtube.com, megavideo.com, megaupload.com, tudou.com, .....).

While these are all symptoms of gluttony, I don't believe any alone represent my depravity. They are symptoms, not its source.

I identify myself as a glutton because I acquire so much more than I'm able to consume. Why do I do it? Because I can never have enough... because it is a habit....because I am sinful. We as humans are all to familiar with self destructive tenancies.

I recognize this tendency in my life. Please God, now give me the desire and strength to break it.

a dream within a dream....

2010-11-15T14:49:00.001-05:00

Last night I had a dreamed that I was dreaming about my ex girlfriend. It is weird to have a dream in a dream. Then in my dream I was analyzing what I needed to do in response to my dream. In my dream was planning how I would get her back. It was interesting because I don’t think about her much anymore, however she still seems to haunt my subconscious. Why is it that there are those who still haunt us despite having little to do with our current lives? People who have left their mark so vividly that even in their absence they haunt our dreams. Be wary of the people you entrust yourself to. The impact they have may be far greater than you can ever realize.

Driving vs. Crashing Through Life...

2010-11-09T15:10:00.000-05:00

Yesterday one of my housemates (and the nephew of the landlord) wrecked his car. Somehow he managed to hit a guardrail head on. As I heard him arguing with his uncle in a mixture of Polish/English, It made me reflect on an epiphany I had come to the week before while reading Tim Kellers Counterfeit Gods. To really dive into it, I need to introduce it as it was revealed to me.
Have you ever found yourself frantically search for your keys as you contemplate on being late for an appointment or work? If not, I commend you..., and you're a weirdo. For those more normal individuals who occasional find themselves misplacing things, this may strike a cord. I assure you there is a sense of urgency, and you experience a sense of tunnel vision where nothing else matters. The reasoning behind this is simple, if we can't find our keys then we can't get to where we need to go.
In Ephesians 2 we here Paul talk about the same dependence. Why don't I radically pursue Christ like I do when I lost my keys? Don't I realize I will never be able to drive on the Christian Road of life without Him? My past week I did little this to seek Jesus, and the byproduct was a multitude of selfish decisions. However, focusing on not making those selfish decisions is fruitless, because if I did not want to make them I would not have. My problem is I need to change not just behavior, but the mind in heart that leads to such behavior. Despite what psychology has taught me, I seem to be unable to do on my own. Therefor, absolute surrender seems to be the only option.

Life in Christ

2010-11-02T19:30:00.002-04:00

Chapter 3 of Collossians has such a similar message to the one Tim Keller Presents in Counterfeit Gods. Tim's Message focuses on the Empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power. Paul's message is that "we are to be concerned about heavenly things". This section is not a 10 point bulleted list of ways to "live the Christian life"... but rather something so simple it is easily missed, "Set your mind on things above...". If I lost my keys, I would look for them where I suspect I lost them. I wouldn't do anything else before I find them, probably because I wouldn't be able to get where I am going without them. I need to be as passionate when finding true life "In Christ", I must go where Christ is, and seek Christ, for only then will I be able to get anywhere in the Christian life.

2010-10-21T22:39:00.001-04:00

After reading this article, i am wondering if my ambiguious tendency was a factor in my three year dating relationship. The high ambivalence had been useful in counseling situations, but not ideal in long term relationships.

"Such shades-of-gray people tend to have trouble in relationships...they stay in relationships longer..."

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703694204575518200704692936.html

My problem with Multi-Level Marketing

2010-09-27T13:06:00.001-04:00

I had two friends pitch Network marketing (multi level marketing) to me last week. Not a fan of the whole process, especially since it has some inherent flaws. However, my problem is that I can no longer trust my friends. Let me explain. When I watch a advertisement on TV, I already know there is an agenda attached to the ad. However, when a friend recommends me something, I am typically more apt to consider their recommendation. However, when a friend wants to talk to me about network marketing (and does not tell me upfront), automatically they become a walking commercial to me, pushing to others what ultimately benefits them. I know in some fashion or another we all do this with our peers- but at a socially acceptable level. However, with multi-marketing, friends become dollar signs. I never wish to see my friends as means to an end.

faith.... allowing us to believe in fiction?

2010-09-07T14:08:00.006-04:00

After just having a great conversation with my office-mate about God, I am attempting to understand how he perceives the world. He sees faith as a way to believe the ridiculous. I have actually heard that statement a number of times with people, perhaps more so since moving to California. Is faith truly a way for us to bridge the gap between reason and the ridiculous? When Jesus talks about faith, how is it defined in the culture of His day? How do I communicate faith to a western world that believes science and religion are opposing forces? A world that does not believe what it can't see, and scoffs at the idea of God as the Creator Have we the church created this paradigm by not adhering to 1 Peter 3:15? Are we as individuals not prepared to give an answer to why we follow Christ? Have we not asked our self the tough questions that the outside world asks of us? Have we not given it with gentleness and respect? I find that those who are most adamant about their point in a discussion, are least comfortable with it. Perhaps more time should be spent reflecting on why we have hope. Do we except blindly what was put before us as children? Let us not forget that we are to worship God in both Spirit and Truth (John 4:23).

Usability testing & revealing the True Self....

2010-08-19T12:36:00.003-04:00

If I've learned one thing while doing usability testing these past couple weeks with participants, it is not to ask them about what they would do in the future. The thing is, when asked about a future scenario, many people do their best to answer truthfully. However, they answer with their ideal behavior. We like to think we'll behave in the most logical, effective manner. In short, we want to think we'll do the right thing. However, people don't always act logically, and we don't always do what's ideal. It is true we want to predict future behavior so we can anticipate software that will respond to this behavior. Yet, asking participants may not get the answer we need.The best way to predict future behavior is to look at past behavior.

The statement has personal implications as well. If we want to see the predisposed pattern that we gravitate towards, look at past decisions. If we want a realistic portrayal of our self... look at past decisions. Get the picture? To better understand the true self vs. the ideal self.... look at the decisions the true self has made. This reveals his/her strengths and faults, his/her shining moments and his/her sins. The best way to reach the ideal self is realize you are not that person- and embrace the true self.

Stolen Waters

2010-08-13T18:13:00.005-04:00

The moment the human body experiences that kind of relationship (sexual intimacy), the seduction is to find the feeling without the cost of it. And the cost of it actually is what preserves the feeling, otherwise even the feeling ultimately dies...it is not a feeling, it is a fact of a commitment which properly expressed, preserves the feeling. Improperly expressed, the feeling will die out and the person becomes diminished in the process.
...as painful as it is, you have to find ways and means ... to crucify yourself in that desire, and ask the Christ ...to be to you what only he can be to you in this and nobody else can. - Ravi Zacharias

Language # 2

2010-08-05T23:40:00.003-04:00

I guess it should be no surprise that the the more motivated you are to learn a language, the more successful you will be at language acquisition. I've been "trying" to learn Spanish since visiting Honduras back in 2006. However, I guess trying means listening to the podcast "Coffee Break Spanish" every so often and taping Spanish flash cards up around my room.

However, staying motivated to learn a second language seems equally as daunting as the language itself. One of the benefits of learning a language young include hearing the difference in pronunciation, which are cemented at a early age. Plus your faculties and energy are more honed in this skill. Since learning a language for me is simply recreational, I find it difficult to devote the time needed to the task. Right now learning consists of watching Soy tu Duena and a impromptu flash card session. I'm not even sure how helpful watching the hour long Spanish soap opera (it's true what they say) a day truly is. I hope one day I'll have the benefit of immersion to motivate me- but until then I'm left with a half heated motivation. On top of that, my recent schooling in french was actually detrimental to the Spanish I did know (it's called double semi lingualism). If you have stuck it out and do speak two languages- kudos.

The Truth about Science...

2010-08-05T19:59:00.008-04:00

This started as a simple response to a friends blog, however the response elaborated into my own post.
Objectivity is a tenant of science like legs are the foundations of a table. However, any firm believers in such objectivity may be sadly dismayed to find that objectivity better resembles the tablecloth rather than the foundation. Jack Webb's character on Dragnet was infamous for saying just the facts ma'am. (On a brief side note, this phrase is incorrect. The actual phrase was All we know are the facts ma'am). You may have also heard the popular phrase "the facts speak for themself".

Research is conducted to find the facts of a situation. However, those facts are sought to prove or disprove a hypothesis. When we make an argument for a case, our arguments contain a premise and conclusion. So what if a underlying premise is difficult to deduce? For instance, the statement "We are causing global warming" contains a underlying premise: the rate of increase in global warming is increasing, the increase is unhealthy, and we are the cause.

I still believe it is important to do extensive research in your suppositions and science is the best model we have of pursuing knowledge- but it is simply a tool that's at the mercy of its wielder. Scientist are still attempting to prove their own hypothesis. (not saying that in itself is not a bad thing; as human factors expert Jeff Atwood points out in his blog, research without a purpose is pointless). Therefore, unless you read the raw data, your simply getting a experts point of view. While good scientist recognize that they have an innate bias and factor that into their tests, this added value is lost on the reader if they lack a understanding of the data and statistics used to analyze the data. Since the average person is often unaware of complex arithmetic equations used in research, they are forced to trust the deductions of the experts. But, the experts don't always know what they are talking about (read the book "the experts speak" if you doubt this).

So to summarize, we should be aware that often we are getting someone's interpretation of the facts. These interpretations themselves carry their own baggage. This is unavoidable, since everything we do is colored with emotional overtones. Basically we can't strip the impact that emotions play in our decisions, choices, and beliefs. However, that's a topic for a different time...

giving up myself

2010-08-05T19:24:00.001-04:00

I give myself to God because he keep me from giving myself to unholier pursuits. I give myself to God because It is the only way to keep myself. I give myself to God because He gives the best return on my investment.I give myself to God because He makes new what I gave Him. When I don't give up myself, I end up loosing myself. Giving him the day releases any fears that my life is irrelevant and ultimately pointless.

The Old Man & the Fox

2010-08-01T18:30:00.006-04:00

(Not a true story, however it was inspired by my first experience with a Fox yesterday)

There was an old man, retired, who lived deep in the woods alone. However, the man did not feel alone. He had the birds to sing to him in the morning and the coyote’s song at night. His entertainment was watching the dear and the rabbit from his porch and the mischief of the possum. But his most recent and favorite guest of all was the fox.

Once a week the man would take 40 minutes drive into town to visit and gather food. He had the same routine of visiting the library for a few books, than the grocery store for some perishable items and sometimes the hardware store. The last stop he always made though was to visit the butcher, to buy leftover scraps for his friend- the fox.

The fox was a slender small little creature who made his first appearance only a short while ago. He was an extremely short animal, only a foot off the ground. The little fox seemed to have been separated from his pack. He was quite skinny and sniffed the grown around the porch for food. The old man sat on the porch and thought to himself that such an unusually shy creature must have a stomach louder than his fear of humans.

The kind old man had pity on the fox and threw out some scraps onto his hard from his dinner that evening. The fox readily consumed the scraps of food, and left. The following day around the same time, the man was on the porch and noticed this fox had returned, licking his lips in expectation. The old man welcomed the new company and gladly provided the days dinner. This pattern continued till almost a year had gone by.

One day however, the fox did not meet the man at their scheduled time. The man waited for a while- and finally went to bed. When he noticed the fox was absent again the second day, he went on a hike to find his mammalian friend. The man walked for miles and miles in the woods until evening approached. Before the sun sought to hide its face, the old man found his friend. Upon closer inspection, the man saw that the fox’s leg was caught in a trap. The man could see the fear on his little friends auburn haired face, and felt pity. The man reached down to release the creature from his bind. The fox felt fear and bewilderment- he did not understand the man’s intentions, only that the man was causing his leg to hurt more. The fox bit the old man.

The man withdrew his hand in pain, and for a moment was tempted to leave the fox. However, the man thought to himself, “my friend hurt me, but could it be because he is scared and in pain? If I truly care for this creature- I would think about his needs above my own.” Therefore, the man did not withdraw his help, even when the fox bit him a second and third time. After about ten minutes, the man was able to help the fox get his leg out of the trap. When the fox was finally free, he dashed into the woods, never seen from again by the old man. The man walked home and treated his wounds; all the while hoping the fox would be able to recover from his wounded leg.

The next time the man was in town, he swung by the butcher to pick up food for himself. The butcher asked about the bite marks on the old mans arm and change in meat purchases. The man shared with him the story of his friend, the fox. The Bucher responded in bewilderment, “Why did you help a creature that hurt you in return, and showed no gratitude in the end.”

The man replied with a soft smile on his face “Caring means initiating without expecting a return. It seeks to understand the plight of a friend, even when they don’t understand it themselves. It may even mean hurting a friend more to help them in the end. It could involve subjecting oneself to pain, simply to see a friend free.” As the man left, the butcher was surprised at all the wisdom the man had gained simply from opening his heart to a small creature- the fox.

Touch me!

2010-07-30T03:33:00.005-04:00

Touch is good for physical health. It is a primary reinforcer and is inherently pleasurable. When you get touched on the forearm, it sends a signal to your orbital frontal cortex, which is involved in reward (click here to learn more). This is very similar to when we taste pleasurable foods, like chocolate for instance. The tactile system is also the largest system in the body and first to develop in a fetus (check out Haptic Communication). I probably should throw a disclaimer in here. Context is key. If a girl I liked touches me on the arm , then my heart is through the roof. However, I don’t like when mr. strange comes up behind me and starts rubbing my shoulders. Different cultures also have their own set of norms. For instance, in Thai culture, it can be considered offense to touch someone’s head.

This phenomenon is not unique to our species alone. France Dual & Jane Goodal discovered that chimps groom each other when there is no bugs in their environment. And why do chimps systematically share food with those who've recently groomed them? Because touch brings about reciprocity. Darleen Francis of UC Berkley also found that rat mothers who spend more tactile content with their babies had cubs with stronger immune responses and calmer responses to environmental stresses. (check out pg 170 in book emotions, stress, and health).
Not only has tactical content shown to reduce/remove external stresses, but babies also have been shown to live longer if they receive daily tactile content (cited in this article on orphanages). The research shows it and your body knows it- we want to be touched!

To learn more, check out the lecture "The Communications of Emotion" By UC Berkly professor Dacher Keltner- which you can download if you click here.

Going Ergo- to the -nomics

2010-07-22T14:30:00.001-04:00

Currently I work as a Usability Engineer in silicon valley. This means I deal heavily on Ergonomics, which is applying what we have learned in human sciences like psychology or medicine to improve the workplace (in this case the user to computer interface. The reason we do this is to offer secure solutions that are comfortable. To me this sounded easy at first, but consider if you will that people don't always know what they want (check out Malcom Gladwells TED talk for a frame of reference). Plus, factor in the diverse variety of users we have to design for. Each with their own slew of habits, knowledge and expectations. At times when I am designing these user interfaces, I feel I am shooting in the dark.

However, my psychological studies have enlighten me to certain human characteristics of our sensory, cognitive, and motor system that provides me with some framework. For instance, our working memory is roughly limited to what Georges Miller defined as 7 mnemes (information units). Where as our long term memory is able of storing an indefinite number of pieces of information (check out this woman who remembers everything!). One way to bridge this gap is by repetition, so when I design, I attempt to build repetition into the interface.

If you think the sensory system is complex, just try factoring in our cognitive system. Our brain is what forms the mental representation prior to action, but these mental representations are susceptible to any number of internal or external variables that makes it exceedingly difficult to fully empathize with the user. To keep it simple, I try to stick to a series of rules when creating an interface. They are as follows:

Short messages to enhance memorization
Put important info at the top
All information must be 3 clicks away
Allow each access to the home screen
keep navigation elements consistent from page to page.
Segmentation
Including feedback from to ensure the user is receiving a true representation of the system

What is Heartbreak?

2010-07-20T00:08:00.011-04:00

What is heartbreak? I believe it is giving your heart to another, and finding out they don't value it as high as you do. The feeling is indescribable. I better empathize for any I've hurt and ask for forgiveness for any heart i have not treated delicately. I am sorry to any whose hearts I have broken in anyway.

God has enabled me to reflect on this. I admit I'm still really close to it (45 minutes ago). However, I would not do anything differently. The experience has only confirmed what I've learned from previous heartbreaks. I would rather have you learn from me then experience it yourself...

1) If you end the relationship- it is not helpful to follow up with dating advise. Don't try to be a matchmaker.
2) They may feel horrible afterwards. It is better to expect this.
3) After you break it off, it is no longer your job to console the other person.
4) It nobel to want to provide closure- but short and sweet is the best way to end things.

5) It will take time to move on. Allow for such time, your thinking may be tainted by the emotional backlash. Don't make any immediate decisions that may have lasting consequences.
6) You may find yourself wanting to rebound. Resist this temptation, or risk loosing friends of the opposite gender who are close to you.
7) The longer you are together, the harder the break will be (and vice versa).
8) The more physical intimacy you share, the harder the break will feel.

9) No Girl (or guy) will be every girl (or guy). Don't end the relationship because they laugh too hard or can't swim like you.
10) Have God given standards that exist before you meet someone. If they don't meet up to these standards, then they're not the person for you- no matter how strongly you feel for them.
11) It may feel like no one can take their place. However, there is approximately 6,697,254,041 people in the world... so chances are someone will.
12) You can't really choose who you are attracted to. Attraction may emerge over time. If it does not- don't force it.
You should be attracted to physical appearance and personality. It is best not to initiate unless you feel both.

I am only 26, there may be exceptions to these rules that I'm unaware of. Yet, if you are younger than me, I doubt you know better. Save yourself some heartache and learn from me. Wish you the best in Life and Love.
-Nate

Remember....

2010-07-16T18:15:00.005-04:00

It caught my eye, a 25 year old named Nate from California who worked with one of the organizations I sponsored- Invisible Children- ripped from this world by a Islamic Extremist. A guy I don't even know has died and I am effected. I am sad that a young man around my age who has spoken out for the voiceless is now silenced. I am sad that another extremist from the Shabab in Somalia have taken lives in Uganda because the country contributes to the African Union peacekeeping mission in Somalia. I'm sad because this extremist group that condemn music, dancing and sports, have been arrogant enough to consider themselves purging evil from this planet. In a NY Times article a spokesperson for the group was quoted as saying “Uganda is one of our enemies. Whatever makes them cry, makes us happy. May Allah’s anger be upon those who are against us.” His statement caches me off guard. How could he think he is doing God's Will? Then I'm reminded how often we live our lives daily without even considering "God's Will". This terrorist knew a different God than I do. I am left to ponder, how would his life have been different if he had known the same God that both Nate and I do. May God be with Nate's family- and all the others effected by this disaster.

Danger!

2010-07-11T23:28:00.004-04:00

The danger of giving your heart away, is sometimes it comes back broken...

Friendship

2010-06-16T16:52:00.003-04:00

As I approach my last days in Muncie, I think about how the Lord has brought people in my life that have brought me joy along the journey.
A wise man named Aristotle categorized three types of friends. 1) friendships based on utility- like coworkers or business partners 2) friendships based on pleasure- like friends we enjoy partying with. 3) friends based on admiration for an others good character. The third friendships are more fulfilling, but rare. Such friends may be transitional-sharing the road we transverse for a period of time while making life's journey joyful. At times such friends may become written on our hearts. As sad as I am go see our paths diverge, I know that God will introduce me to new people on my journey.

Vicariously Ski with me

2010-05-21T14:25:00.004-04:00

So I've slacked in the area of posting lately. Afraid trying to compete in the job market has demanded much of my time. For those of you who still follow my daily ramblings, I'm giving you the rare opportunity to peak into my life. Back in March I went to Colorado to Ski. What you see below is a recent memento of the occasion- and the craziness that ensued.

simple comedy

2010-04-27T16:38:00.007-04:00

Take a break and enjoy my sense of humor. No insights or wisdom gleamed, simply comics that I found humorous. Have a nice day!

How can user end devices and networking change the world?

2010-04-22T13:54:00.003-04:00

How can we use computers as a catalyst for positive social and political change? How can we use computers to help us address the marginalization and silencing of individuals because of race, age, gender, handicap? How can we use computers to promote increasingly egalitarian exchanges among groups of people who have different levels of privilege and power? How can we use computers to promote both collaborative activities and to support dissent in its most productive forms? Hard questions derived from research on a seemingly unrelated topic, computer assisted writing)

The Theological Disconnect

2010-04-18T18:06:00.002-04:00

We have more access to information today then ever before, and yet individuals in the protestant church are more ignorant about theology than ever. Due to the heresy that existed in the church, the council of trent met and formed the Nicean creed. This became an instrumental part of the church, as it was a clear indication of what Christians believed. A similar creed who's name lends to the story that it was jointly created by the Apostles under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, with each of the twelve contributing one of the articles. It is also helpful in indicating may of the staples of the Christian faith. However, it still does not address some Christological issues defined in the later Nicene Creeds. for instances, the divinity of Jesus or of the Holy Spirit.

1. I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.
2. I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord.
3. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary.
4. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
5. He descended into hell. On the third day he rose again.
6. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
7. He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
8. I believe in the Holy Spirit,
9. the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints,
10. the forgiveness of sins,
11. the resurrection of the body,
12. and life everlasting.
Amen.

I believe in....

2010-04-13T09:37:00.006-04:00

We have more access to information today then ever before, and yet individuals in the protestant church are more ignorant about theology than ever. Due to the heresy that existed in the church, the council of Trent met and formed the Nicene creed. This became an instrumental part of the church, as it was a clear indication of what Christians believed. A similar creed who's name lends to the story that it was jointly created by the Apostles under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, with each of the twelve contributing one of the articles. It is also helpful in indicating may of the staples of the Christian faith. However, it still does not address some Christological issues defined in the later Nicene Creeds. for instances, the divinity of Jesus or of the Holy Spirit.

1. I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.
2. I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord.
3. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary.
4. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
5. He descended into hell. On the third day he rose again.
6. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
7. He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
8. I believe in the Holy Spirit,
9. the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints,
10. the forgiveness of sins,
11. the resurrection of the body,
12. and life everlasting.
Amen.

Peepoo

2010-04-13T09:20:00.004-04:00

Sometimes hearing the cries of the people require your mentality to get out of the way. Anders Wilhelmson knows this all too well. An architect who did not intend to go to the slums of Kibera to solve the problem of sanitation. Due to the lack of a solid waste management system, people relieve themselves in plastic bags and then throw them outside. This is especially a hazard during the rainy season, as water sources get contaminated. The aid agency Amref says incidents of cholera, typhoid and other waterborne diseases are rampant. It's estimated there is an average of one toilet for more than 2,000 people. Anders saw the need and wanted to make a difference. He created the Peepoo, a chemically treated bag that not only neutralizes waste, but makes it able to be used as fertilizer. Check out the article here.

The Disconnect

2010-04-06T22:35:00.005-04:00

As I look upon Las Vegas Boulevard, the flashing lights compete for my gaze. I scan the magnificent Casinos, built to awe their audience. From my hotel window I catch the fountains in front of the Bellagio, and the infamous Caesars palace. It is difficult to connect these images with other memories I have. Memories of children grasping for the food and water I have. The food warrants a break from their life lived in the landfills of Tegucigalpa. Here they live, sleep, eat, and do what they must to survive. I'm struck at the disconnect of such wealth all around me now, and yet having walked amongst such poverty. It is not that I live in the realization of these worlds. Often I am simply in the moment, oblivious to past experiences. Yesterday I spent some time amongst the miracle mile shops and casino. I lost thirty dollars in twenty minutes to the slots, enough for a child in Honduras to eat for a month. Why did I not remember these children then?

This brings me to another realization, I am not alone. It would seem that human nature is view our decisions based on our context. Perhaps the best way to reach out for aid is not to show a video of starving children and tell a sad story. That may reach a few empathetic souls, but it probably wont connect to most of us rich Americans. Perhaps companies like Toms Shoes or Kiva provide a better approach. Were may not be able to change human desire to focus on our self. However, if we provide a service that benefits ourselves and others, perhaps then we can bridge the disconnect that exists between those who have, and those who have not.

Ideology, Philosophy , Complementarianism, Chauvinism, Christian Egalitarianism...?

2010-03-31T21:32:00.002-04:00

Democrat or Republican? Progressive or Conservative? Radical or Moderate?

I always grew up hearing the term Conservative Christian, yet was unsure of the terms meaning. Conservatism is the belief that traditional institutions work best and that society should avoid radical change. The root word is Latin and means, “to preserve”.
A religious conservative seeks to apply the teachings of particular ideologies to politics. Ideally for the Conservative Christian, this would be the ideology of Jesus Christ. It’s important to note there exists a distinction between religious conservatism and its more radical extension. Radical religious conservatism generally sees the status quo as corrupted by abuses, corruption, or heresy. Similar phenomena have arisen in a large percentage of the world's religions today. The modern Western society that has inadvertadly pushed it’s value system has triggered many violent cultural collisions with traditional societies in question for the past 500 years.

Sometimes religious conservatism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservatism#Religious_conservatism) may find itself at odds with today’s culture. This is often a good thing. However, not all firmly held beliefs should be maintained. For instance, some would have been called conservative Christians were against the freedom of slaves. For such people this was a Progressive act. Progressivism is often viewed in opposition to conservative. Progressivism is a political attitude favoring or advocating changes or reform. The Progressive movement began in cities with settlement workers and reformers who were interested in helping those facing harsh conditions at home and at work. The reformers spoke out about the need for laws regulating tenement housing and child labor. They also called for better working condition for women. Typically today the term is associated with left wing politics. “In the late 19th century into the 20th century in reference to a more general response to the vast changes brought by industrialization: an alternative to both the traditional conservative response to social and economic issues and to the various more radical streams of socialism and anarchism which opposed them.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Progressivism)

I have hence learned that I too am a Conservative Christian in the sense that I seek a partial return to the way things were in the Body of Christ. In part, because I wish we had the social message and radical ideology, the unwavering faith and call to the broken that existed in the Way (early Christian Sect, not to be confused with current organization). I seek the action and reaction, the vibrancy and activity that existed in the early church. However, I don’t wish a return to the difficulties of roman persecution and lack of religious freedom, nor do I wish to reencounter the rampant heresy that existed.

Revisiting the research on Health Care...

2010-03-29T00:41:00.000-04:00

I've drawn understanding from the writings of Randy Barnett, a Georgetown University professor who wrote a article for the Washington post Is health care reform unconstitutional?.
When asked how a bill making people purchase health insurance or suffer fines could be constitutional, he suggested that

the most strongly pressed argument will be that this is a "tax" from which you can be exempted if you buy private health insurance. Courts have been very deferential to tax measures.

I was able to deduce from Randy's Blogg post He is not a proponent of the bill. He suggest that Judicial rulings have expanded the power of Congress beyond those given in the Constitution, and that mandating insurance by means of a fine labeled a "tax" is another example of this.

Some other major points of the bill are listed below:
What does bill accomplish: demands health coverage for all
Who buys insurance: A better question is who doesn't. Exceptions include certain people with religious exceptions, American Indians and people in prison.
Who gets subsidized: That Is determined by the Department of Health and Human Services. Those who make less than3x or 4x the poverty level pay about 10 percent of their income for a decent health insurance package. Those who make $14,000 would pay 3 to 4 percent of income on insurance If your flat broke, you enrolled in the Medicaid program.
Who pays for it: New taxes, fees on industries involved in health care, and cuts in projected spending growth for existing government health efforts, primarily Medicare. The bill cost about $940 billion over its first 10 year, plus 40 billion worth of tax credits for small business.
How can you get it: The bill will set up non profit or government administered Health Option exchanges, which is basically a a number of small business and individuals banded together to allow for the breaks that big corporations can negotiate for with their employees.

Health care, a step towards socialism?

2010-03-25T21:02:00.006-04:00

This bill does represent a step towards Egalitarianism. Opponents of the bill outcry communism or socialism, probably because both philosophies stem from the egalitarian philosophy. The root of the word is French and means equal. The political doctrine suggest all people should be treated as equals and have the same political, economic, social, and civil rights. The philosophy advocates for the removal of economic inequalities among people. I think most people today in the United States will suggest they believe this, until it cost them something.

Opponents to the bill should also be reminded of the two basic principles of democracy: equality and freedom. Ideally all citizens under our political government have equal access to power, inherent freedoms spelled out in our constitution, and quality before the law. Do these rights not include health care? I've heard the outcry before that were rewarding the lazy. If our institutions were true to Meritocracy then that would be the case (as if a meritocracy could actually exist since it merely serves to justify the status quot). Meritocracy is a system of government where responsibilities are assigned to individuals based on demonstrated talent and ability. However, our society reflects a mesh of democracy, plutocracy, nepotism and cronyism. We are not all born in a wealthy loving home with equal opportunity. The truth is some of us are born into better situations then others.
As a proponent of biblical equality, I believe that human persons are equal in fundamental worth and moral status. While this idea enjoys wide support amongst intellectuals in many countries, is is debatable whether any of these ideas have significantly implemented in practice. This seemingly egalitarian attempt may fail as did previous, but that does not remove our call to action. Inequality is correlated strongly with social problems, and social problems present a price paid by the middle class too. Therefore, if we are not willing to assist others, at least let us help ourselves.
Alright, I'm officially fed up with writing and reading about the health care.

Facts vs. Fiction in the Health Care Bill

2010-03-23T16:26:00.007-04:00

My research revealed myths and half truths about the health care bill. For those who cry communism or socialism, the new health care plan does not involve government taking over health care like in Britain. The government intends to help people buy health insurance from private companies, not pay their bills like the Canadian system does. However, these fears of socialism intrigued me. Here are portions of the bill that may reinforce such fears.
For instance, Medicaid will now cover all poor adults indiscriminately. Low income people who qualify for new credits to buy insurance would see the biggest drops in insurance premiums.Plus, If your against government involvement then your probably upset that those who can financially afford insurance and don't will see a minimum fine of $695. Insurance companies will also be regulated heavily.

Barack Obama suggest premiums will go down, but actually most people won't see a significant decline in premiums. In fact, people who buy insurance on their own and are not qualified for government subsidies may see a 13 percent rise in premiums due to expanded coverage. Obama also suggested that the plan will save more than $1 trillion in the second 10 years. That estimate according to the CBO is highly speculative. While the plan is supposed to reduce the cost on health care spending, the plan will cost $940 billion over 10 years. It is actually the new taxes, penalties and cost savings that would offset that spending.
I see a philosophical divide among the American people towards this bill. On one side are those who think having health care human right regardless of ones economic condition. The other side feel health care it is a privilege that people provide for themselves rather than Uncle Sam. I'm sure everyone would say that those who need healthcare should be able to get it, but it is a different matter when the cost directly effects us.

Heath Care Reform Passes March 21, 2010

2010-03-22T13:29:00.006-04:00

The recent health care bill passing prompted hours of research on my end on the bill and the underlying philosophy behind it. The amount of data was overwhelming and I was provided with a plethora of topics to cover. Therefore I decided to break up the topic of health care into a posting each day till I run out of material or get tired of writing about health care- whichever comes first.

It's true that health care reform passed, bringing about the most tremendous sweeping change in national domestic policy in a generation...and some people are pissed. Now that in itself isn't anything new. Political discourse has reached the point to which we distrust politicians and expect the process to be debased and inherently flawed. I'm not bashing emotional appeals, but they should impact real issues. We should be able to clearly see the substance behind an argument. Hence, I've taken some time to better familiarize myself with the two sides of the debate. First, I looked into why a large majority is angered by this bill.
Opponents to the bill suggest that preventing insurance companies from denying coverage means policies will have to spread their investment further, making
rates rise and reducing access. The Virginia Attorney General claimed that the proposed Health Care Reform violates the 9th and 10th amendment to the constitution. The reality is the the constitution is vague in this matter, and for the constitution to apply on this (and other matters) requires judicial interpretation (Randy calls this judicial construction).

Another outcry against health care reform is that it is against the will of the people. This argument hits the heart of a democratic society, which is ruled based upon the popularity of people. However, the reality is that there are proponents of the bill. A majority of individuals have entrusted those in place to represent our state and to represent us. Recent American history tells us that politicians are not deaf to a majority of people, especially since their popularity effects their reelection. If we can then assume that politicians votes reflect the population, then a little more than half the people are for the bill. The difficulty we face is not a government ignoring its people, but rather a will divided.

Facebook...and what the man is doing behind the mask.

2010-03-03T20:16:00.005-05:00

Maybe your like me and you hate Facebook quizes. Then again, maybe your one of the people that send them to my wall. There is only one thing I dislike more than facebook quizes, and that is status updates from the stupid facebook games people play. Well, there is a reason for both of us to hate them. First, to truly understand the veracity of this violation, click here and go to this cute little quiz by selecting "run application".

Ok... so I am assuming you did that. Obviously what you want to do now is go to your privacy settings and chance what applications have access too... it is kind of scary that corporations are getting information by using programs like these on Facebook. You don't even have to be using the program like Farmville or Mafia on Facebook for corporations to get your information. If one of your Facebook friends plays the game,that sends both yours and their personal information to the application provider.

Do we spend our time on undeserved pleasures in this life?

2010-02-25T12:22:00.003-05:00

"It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not to strong, but too weak. We are half hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far to easily pleased." -C.S. Lewis

Temptation: don't blame ... name!

2010-02-23T20:10:00.007-05:00

It is true that I've grown more aware of the opposite sex of late. It seems that recently I've been especially tuned into the strong force of female attractiveness. I suspect it is due to the increased number of engagements/weddings of close friends. This has also led me to wonder if the Intimacy that I long for leads to lustful cravings. Is lust a perversion of the need for intimacy? If I'm still single, then how can I combat this? I believe the solution starts with asking the right question.

If you are familiar with conflict resolution techniques, than you might be familiar with the phrase "Don't blame, name". The idea is as simple as the phrase. Blaming does not lead to a solution. However, naming what upset you often lends to the diffusion of unrighteous aggression.

I believe this approach can be useful in addressing the real issues behind lust. I believe that blaming makes it easier to give into such temptations. I've blamed my sinful nature, I've blamed my gender, I've blamed my physiology. The problem with blaming is that it covertly shifts the responsibility away from ourself. When instead we seek to name the true source of temptation, we are better able to understand it, and ideally overcome it.

Smallville to Soapville

2010-02-22T00:08:00.006-05:00

I'm not sure when Smallville started playing mainly towards females, but It has made the show quite painful to watch. I always knew there was excess drama thrown in, but lately the show has gone to the extreme. The long exchanges of emotional charged dialogue between characters, the zoom in on the facial cues, the dramatic change in stories with surprising twists. I knew the writers were slightly appealing to emotional longing for the perfect wedding that women plan for after watching the latest episode of Lois in a wedding dress. I don't know a guy that would have enjoyed the dramatic dance of a love struck lois- thrown out of character by the blue kryptonite. And yes, they brought in another form of kryptonite- this one allows him to control people. What's next, a pink kryptonite that causes clark to act flamingly gay? A balance of action & innovative twists has been replaced with a stale plot lines & cliché dialogue. I was sucked in by the story of Superman, but the thick Drama has made this show blow. If I ever see a superman love triangle again it will be too soon! One more thing; considering how many times the main characters in the show were knocked unconscious, they should be in a coma by now!

Is God sick of my prayer?

2010-02-19T10:44:00.003-05:00

Well, theologically the answer is no. However, I was captured by a phrase Oswald Chambers used in My Utmost for His Highest.

If God were human, how sick and tired He would be of the constant request we make for our salvation and for our sanctification. We burden his energies from morning till night asking for things for ourselves or for something from which we want to be delivered! When we finally touch the underlying foundation of the reality of the gospel of God, we will never bother Him anymore with little personal complains.

After reading this passage you may want to vindicate your prayer request. You may be saying "Hey, who are you to say such stuff, if you only knew". Oswald is not seeking to devalue out prayer life, but rather call to attention where our heart is. I've noticed during my Sunday school classes that prayer request share the same theme for a sick relative or friend. Sometimes they are about physical or emotional loss, or perhaps for a test that is coming up. I'm not trying to deprecate these request, but I don't ever recall hearing a prayer request about the souls of the lost. I assure you that I myself fall into the same trap at times where I can become focused on the temporal here and now situation rather than the big picture of eternity. I don't believe God tires of our prayers, but hopefully we are aware of who and what were praying for. What if a journal recorded all of our prayers? Would they see it as simply repeated request for personal care for ourselves and those closest to us or as a selfless cry for the lost & broken?

Web Site Creation

2010-02-17T20:49:00.001-05:00

A variety of tools exist that can lead to a richer experience when viewing the web. For instance, flash based games are considered rich content because they draw consumers to a richer experience (Lancie, 2009) Another example of rich content is material that offers a higher degree of detail. For example, it is no surprise that visual content offers a more attractive way of conveying information. The ideal is being able to combine visual medium with intractability. Below are a number of tools that offer such engagement.
Tools of engagement like a zoom viewer or data capture focus on interaction and enable content to be rich in their own self-contained setting. A benefit of this is the blurring of the lines between entertaining and educating (Lancie, 2009). Google wave offers Real time collaboration with the ability to embed media and documents (Jefferson, n.d). An example of a website that utilizes this approach is Google wave. This site is dynamic and allows two or more to collaborative view and work on the same document. Another advantage is user communication resembles forum threads, an advantageous way to view and respond to comments .
Another tool called Typekit can help set a website a part. This service allows users to purchase fonts to be used on websites. Considering there are 7 fonts users typically use for the web, this service offers creative alternatives to the standard. Such a service is unique, and Typekit may be the way to reinvent typography. Blog.typekit.com
Wordpress is another possibility at improving the users inability to participate in a website. Having the ability to comment on a websites creative content has become a popular tool utilized that have emerged beyond blogs. Such a program is also imperative where feedback is needed. The ability to leave feedback may for instance, help real-estate viewers understand local market and make more informed judgments. An example where this is implemented is realestate.com.au/localvoices
Adding video can make your site visually interesting, especially since 11 billion videos were shown in September of 2009 alone (Jefferson, n.d). Video hosting sites that specifically allow companies more control and customer service includes such sites as Sorenson Media’s 360, VideoBloom, and Fliqz. Since there is a preference to watch a video over reading text, videos will increase a websites audience.

Website of interest:
http://holding.macheist.com/evidence/ - does a interactive website where
http://www.doritoslatenight.com/ - scans bag and plays blink 182 song
http://ge.ecomagination.com/smartgrid/#/landing_page - allows you manipulate smart grid
http://www.toyota.com/vehicles/minisite/newprius/ -can manipulate prius car
http://bldgblog.blogspot.com/2009/05/evil-lair-on-architecture-of-enemy-in.html - on the architecture of the enemy in video game worlds
http://www.hobnox.com/audiotool - create electronic music with this tool in browser
http://devkick.com/ - computer scripts to use for designers
http://weloveyouso.com/ - inspirations for movie “where the wild things are”

Unattainable Beauty

2010-02-09T19:31:00.003-05:00

One of the frustrations with our present age of technology is the ability to be fake. Not only can technology provide us with the ability to communicate great distances, but it also allows us to better mask the true us. This concept of fake can be seen in a number of different facets. How often is what we see in magazines or the big screen a true representation? How well can we trust that the person communicating with us via myspace actually represents their picture. How easy is it for us to plagiarize thoughts or ideas? For a more visually enlighttening example, check out ReTouch. Also, check out the article that this Blog Title was based on here.

shot down...

2010-02-03T23:54:00.002-05:00

So I crashed and burned tonight, not a pretty sight. I was going to the Opera with some fellow classmates. When we got there, we were greeted by the most beautiful girl. those of you who know me know that my taste is particular, so me finding someone that is my standard of attractive is rare. Anyway, I was able to talk to this girl while we were waiting to sit down, and I found out she was a education major & a junior at that. It was during the second half of the show that I gathered the gumption to go over and talk to her. I hung back till the second act started, then when I noticed she was sitting down in the back, I sat behind her and introduced myself. She said her name was Michael, and responded "oh, like the arch angle". She responded, 'Yeah, I'm married to david". I thought we were still talking about biblical stuff, so I was confused, since David in scripture was Married to Basheeba, not Michael. Then I realized she was not talking thousands of years ago, but now. Then I noticed the ring on her finger. Thankfully I got a phone call from my friend dan, so I was out of there like a fat kid in dodge ball. Well, I know you miss all the opportunities you don't swing at, so strike 1 for me.

Transform... your life

2009-07-21T21:03:00.003-04:00

Im back... while school is still intense and I lack the time to write, I realize that this is a healthy outlet for me, and for others who want to get to know me. I've decided to try to be consistent in certain areas of my life. No matter how busy life gets, I want to keep some habits. Today's Random Thoughts don't come from Graduate school, but from casual readings. I found this article about Shia LaBeouf, and I was surprised at his honesty and humility in this article. I took a few things from this interview. The first, was that honesty is refreshing, especially since it reminds you that no one has it all together no matter how blessed they seem. Second, I was reminded of how fleeting money and fame truly are. I'm not addressing them as true evils, but interesting how even fame is itself a trap. There is no freedom except through Christ, anything else is like grasping at sand, it just sifts through your fingers. I say this, not as one who finally understand, but as a Sand Grasper. I, like Shia LaBeouf don't pretend to have all the answers; I'm honest about that. Still, at least I'm asking questions...
(See Matthew 7:26)

I recommend the article, if you want to read it, click here for pg1 & pg2

Greener Pastures...

2009-04-20T23:26:00.006-04:00

(Click Here to see me do the Irish jig with a few beautiful movie stars )
I came to the realization that one danger of constant media exposure is the unrealistic expectations that we place on our romantic relationships. I do believe that you have to be attracted to that special someone in your life... but with that said the bombardment of female figures in the media may be breeding dissatisfaction in your relationship. Careful with comparison my friend, many begin that destructive journey by longing for greener pastures, only to find out it was a mirage.

Passover

2009-04-09T11:42:00.003-04:00

We see it in Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and paul talks more about the events implications in Hebrews 8-10. I am talking about passover. Passover celebrated the night of Israel's exodus from Egypt (Ex 12), while the Feast of Unleavened Bread commemorated the exodus journey as well as the beginning of harvest season (Lev 23:5-8). With time though the Jewish people seemed to forget that God had freed them and they developed other priorities that superseded the God almighty. I understand all too well where they were coming from. I am attending Ball State working on my second masters, and time is often spent on homework or other related at activities. WIth this said, if I want to find myself walking throughout my day with a consciousness of being on such a mission as restoration of this world, I have to recognize that this is only made possible through the closest intimacy with Jesus.

During the passover Jesus discusses his impending sacrifice with his disciples. It was a meal to remember, not only because this event formed the basis of the Lord's Supper but also because Jesus predicted betrayal, defined true leadership, promised authority to the eleven disciples, predicted Peter's failure and warns of coming rejection. Even as he faced death, Jesus serves by preparing others for their tasks. This reminds me of a Demotivator poster with the word "Mistakes" and a picture of a ship sinking. Underneath the word reads “It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others”. Funny as this is, it has been true of many who called Jesus “Lord and Savor”. Taking times of breaking bread and fellowship allow us to remove the sin from our own life and be real with one another. To encourage one another in the faith.

"When the church takes this meal looking back to this event, it becomes a statement of solidarity with Jesus, a public covenant renewal--which is why taking the meal is such serious business for Paul in 1 Corinthians 11:17-34." - bible gateway.com

So break bread with loved ones and remember today as the day Jesus faced the most difficult decision any of us could ever make, to lay down our lives for those undeserving. No act of humility has ever come close to his work of restoration, my savior, my God.

2009-03-21T17:15:00.003-04:00

"All pleasure cost (somthing). For legitimate you pay the price before pleasure. For illegitimate you pay the price after pleasure. -Ravi Z.

Am I living for Pleasure? II

2009-03-16T22:20:00.005-04:00

It was six in the afternoon and I was sitting on my bed attempting to read chapter nine of my Physiology Book. My hands had submitted by propping the book up in a position that aided reading, but my minds with my eyes help were successfully resistant. They were focused on the media that played on a propped up ipod touch resting on a dresser parallel to my bed. While watching the third episode of Blade the television series, I was prompted to ponder a question thrown out by one of the main characters. “Is that what were living for, pleasure?” while the questions purpose did not apply to my situation (having to do with consuming human plasma) the self contained message still echoed in my conscious. The epiphany hit me like a steak through the heart. I was pretending to invest in the future when in actuality I was investing in immediate pleasure that offered no long term benefit to me or humanity. My supposed value for knowledge and degree in clinical psychology was being undercut by my value for pleasure. I was as busted as a thief breaking into a police station; my mind was a double agent working against me.

Other people I know have little problem admitting that pleasure is their first pursuit, but this behavior to me contradicts my credence with Christian dogma. Living for pleasure is a selfish pursuit that reflects a priority to oneself rather than others. It conflicts both the teachings and the life led by Christ and his core disciples. It also minimizes my impact in my desired application of psychology. Such time may be better spent reading counseling literature that could be applied to the young adults I service at Allen County Juvenile Center. It diminishes my authority in Christ by reducing the time available toward spiritual disciplines. Lastly, it hinders progression towards my goals to serve others for Christ overseas by stealing available time better spent planning, preparing, and pursuing for such an endeavor.

You see; some remnants of the implied context of the question remain. We may not have to worry about vampires feeding off our blood, but what do we allow to diminish our life… our impact… our purpose?

We ought to make the best possible use of God given opportunities and should not waste our precious time by neglect or carelessness. Many people say; there is plenty of time to do this or that; don’t worry. But they do not realize that if they do not make good use of this short time, the habit formed now will be so ingrained that when more time is given to us, this habit will become our second nature and we shall waste that time also.” – Sadhu Sundar Singh

“Whoever is faithful in a very little is faithful also in much” – Jesus (Luke 16:10)

put our money where our mouth is...

2009-02-19T16:39:00.004-05:00

The cover story in the magazine Christianity Today of December:

Scrooge Lives

was quite a contrast to their previous

Hunger Isn't History

published a month earlier. After reading these two articles online (Scrooge lives vs Hunger Isn't History) was a reminder to me of the importance of budgeting over just casual spending. I myself have recently tried to implement a budget into my life. Actually I had to do this when my spending output surpassed my financial earnings (I'm in grad school, this is not hard to do!). Consider this, the next time you feel like you have eaten to much or find yourself tempted to say the common phrase "I'm starving" when you have skipped one or two meals that day; consider that this reality exists for millions daily. For simply 30 dollars a day you can keep a child from hunger... so what's you reason to keep food from a child? Starbucks? Drinks with friends? Vacation?

Regression to the mean... and Francois Fenelon

2009-02-10T09:41:00.004-05:00

In statistics regression to the mean is a mathematical inevitability. I feel in my life this same inevideable pull towards normalacy. Two underlying problems emerge when I attempt to coincide this with my faith. The first is that Christ calls us to a standard of holliness that is quite far from the "mean" of this world, but rather a radical outlier, a data point that is not even on the same graph. Second, I seem to be unable to resist the pull towards the mean. What is the solution to my problem?

There is none. Well, no procedure that fits into the exact formulas that we find in statistics. In statistics we need control variables, but in life these seem to be few and far between. Still, I attempt to derive insights from a radical outlier who came before me: Francois Fenelon (1651-1715 AD). Francois Fenelon was a prominent member of the court of Louis XIV and tutor for the duke of Burgundy. His defense of the Quietist movement (which stressed the complete detachment from the things of this world) led to his eventual denunciation by Pope Innocent XII and banishment from the king. I have chosen these excerpts from his work "Christian Perfection", where discusses the path towards a "spirit filled life."

Christian perfection is not so severe, tiresome, and constraning as we thing. It asks us to be God's from the bottom of our hearts. And since we thus are God's, everything that we do for him is easy. Those who are God's are always glad, when they are not divided, because they only want what God wants and want to do for him all that he wishes... What God asks of us is a will which is no longer divided between him and any creature.. which wants with out reserve whatever he wants, and which never wants under any pretext anything which he does not want... Happy are those who give themselves to God! They are delivered from their passions.... from the crule remorse attached to wicked pleasures and in the end from the eternal condemnation of God. So let us scorn earthly things, to be wholly God's. I am not saying that we should leave them absolutely, because when we are already living an honest and regulated life, we only need to change our heart's depth in loving, and shall do nearly the same things which we were doing. There would be this only difference, that instead of being devoured by ... our overbearing passions.. we shall act instead with the hope in God.

We must be born again, renounce ourselves hate hourselves, become a child, be poor in spirit, weep to be comforted, and not be of the world which is cursed because of its scandals. These truths frighten many peole and this is becayse they only know what religion exacts without knowing what it offer, and they ignore the spirit of love which makes everything easy.

But woe unto those weak and timid souls who are divided between God and their world! they want what they do not want. They are torn by passion and remorse at the same time... How dangerous it is for our salvation... to want always to stay where we are! Our whole life was only given us to advance us by great strides toward our heavenly country. The world escapes like a delusive shadow. eternity already advances to receive us. Why do we delay to advance while the light of the Father of mercies shines for us? Let us hasten to reach the kingdom of God. One commandment suffices to blow away in a moment all the excuses which we could make for having reservations from God: Thou shalt love the Lord they God with all they heart, with all thy soul, with all they mind, and with all they strength... He (God) suffers no division, and he allows us no longer to love outside of God except what God himself commands us to love for love of him. We must love only him not only with all the stretch and strength of our hearts, but also with all the concentration of our thought. How then could we believe that we love him if we cannot resolve to think on his law and to bend our energy to doing his will? Those who fear to see too clearly what this love asks fool themselves by thinking that they have this watchful and devoted love. There is only one way to love God: to take not a single step without him, and to follow with a brave heart wherever he leads. All those who live the Christian life, and yet would very much like to keep a little in with the world, run great risk of being among the lukewarm of whom it is said: they will be spewed out of the mouth of God.

(works taken from: Foster, R.J., Smith, J.B. (1993),Devotional Classics "Preparing for the Spiritual Life", New York, NY)

Do distractions keep me silent...

2009-02-07T19:03:00.003-05:00

Andy Stanley talks about "living in the margins", which means being a Christian influence in whatever one is doing. While studying at the library today a student came up and asked me for my cell phone to call his friends for a ride. I thought it peculiar that he asked me as I was obviously not the first one on his path he could have asked. I agreed and as he left a message on the machine, I offered to give him a ride home if he did not have when I left. He came by in a half hour later with his ride, and thanked me as he smiled and then left. After he left, I immediately wished I had shared something about a God who loved and died for him, yet I did not feel any words from the Spirit.

Then I thought... well should I have any? While I in no way believe God works in an established equation (Bible + Prayer = predictable God), I couldn't help but wonder if by surrendering this week to Him I would have been prepared for that moment. two weeks ago I re-surrendered my walk to Christ, and the week following I began to pray and read his word. This is something I have neglected to do this past week. Why? Distractions of this world.... how numerous they have become. Why do I feel a pull in the unseen reality to keep me distracted so that I don't follow the Holy Sprits leading? I think a number of people who call themselves Christians in the Western World have this problem: movies, music, TV, relationships, friendships, work.... they all can be a distraction. Could this by why a number of those people have Undergraduate or Graduate Degrees and yet are infantile in their faith, not understanding the Christian world view, not thinking logically or apologetically, being unable to give a reason for this hope they have. I believe that these distractions can contribute to the missed opportunities to learn and share about our Savior. Lord, remind me that I am a pilgrims and not residents in this World. May I not be distracted by what it has to offer, but instead renew my mind on things above. Amen!

The art of Introspection...

2008-09-29T20:11:00.002-04:00

It was Plato in his work "Dialogues, Apology Greek philosopher in Athens" (469 BC - 399 BC) who wrote about his mentors phrase “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Supposedly Socrates said that at his trial for heresy, for his ideas challenge the accepted beliefs of the time. His message, think for oneself. The idea of introspection is examining oneself, and discovering why we do the things we do (both in thought and action). As a Christian I must point out that while I start with introspection, I don't end there. I get understanding from myself, but not answers. Still, it is important to understand oneself. This includes preconceived biases and beliefs, predispositions and dislikes. The celebrated psychologist Carl Jung once said: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” It's often good to have our beliefs challenged, but as long as we seek to resolve those challenges. Here are a variety of questions that can help get you started (titles are listed above):

Sex/gender/sexual orientation
Is this something you embraced or struggled with.
Have you felt ostracized?
Did you siblings of opposite sex get treated differently as a child.
Do you feel you have adequate social support? How does your immediate family act to your choices in life? Do they reflect your families beliefs?

Socio economic level or Education
Did you feel that you had less opportunities that those around you.
Did you feel that education was highly valued in your family structure.
What is the education level of your parents?
Religion/spirituality
How much of an impact does your religion play in your daily activities/life?
Does your religion limit that you can date/marry?
Have you felt discriminated in a work or social setting because of your beliefs?
Have you felt threatened by any others whose religion is difference than yours?
Age
How does your age effect your sex life?
Have you ever felt victim to ageism?
Do you feel that western society has a greater appreciation for youth and beauty or age and wisdom.
Did you have a mid life crisis, and if so…how did it get flushed out.
Name a common misconception that you feel elders have with your generation
Political affiliation
Does your political affiliation coincide with your parents
Do people stereo type you based on your political affiliation
What are the stereotypes for your political beliefs.
Do you even follow politics?
Disability
Do you prefer the term disabled or handicap
What is word disability means to you
Is there a tendency for others to overly altruistic due to your disability
What is one myth that you would like to dispel about your condition.

Am I slave or am I master...

2008-09-09T06:53:00.001-04:00

Lately I have found a number of things in my life I have not wanted to part with because they mean too much to me. This serves as a wake up call that I may be ripe for an enslaving destructive dependency… if left unchallenged, deception and denial will spread and blind my heart, and this deception will allow my addictions to gain their foothold. If the problem is unchecked, addictions can destroy my capacity for self control. So why do I engage in such behavior? Because it turn my lows into temporary highs, providing doses of relief that I control. All are ways that I find to relieve pain or helplessness or boredom.
The realty is that its promise of freedom is really a house of mirrors that traps me with little hope of escape, the effects are always self destructive. Of course I would quit if I could on my own, but I have become a slave to my own desires, and often I believe I deserve the relief and power my addiction provides.
Don’t get me wrong, the desire to feel good is not unhealthy, but having a belief that one needs relief “NOW” regardless is a trap leading to enslavement in a destructive dependency. When feeling good becomes more important to a person then doing good, loving others, or knowing God, they are drifting on the waves of the addicted. A need for relief does not have to drive us into arms of addiction. The question I need to ask myself is "am I willing to feel the inescapable pains and valleys in my life?" The alternative is committing to immediate relief and control. Ravi Zacharias reminds me that “All pleasure cost (something). For legitimate you pay the price before pleasure. For illegitimate you pay the price after pleasure.”

a spoonful a day keps the doctor away...

2008-09-07T21:34:00.002-04:00

Why is it that people are willing to use Aspirin for Headache and birth control for decreasing one’s chances (97% to be exact) of impregnation , but when the idea of behavioral modification techniques or psychotherapy is introduced people resists stating they don’t want a part of that psycho stuff. Do they not realize that just as there body’s are chemically composed, so are their brains. More precisely, they have the limited ability to change the chemical compositions in their own brain, influencing their own perception and behavior. Scary to think one’s perception is actually formed by a serious of chemical substances interacting in a nero network of cells. Perhaps our perceptions then if subjective to external and internal stimuli aren’t as invulnerable as we might think.

Is your girl high matinance?

2008-09-01T18:19:00.003-04:00

Is your girl high maintenance? From the article the top ten signs that your chick is a high maintenance girl:

1 - She's unfair.
2 - She's daddy's girl.
3 - Going out is like the countdown to eternity.
4 - Irrational demands.
5 - Bills.
6 - She doesn't do "dressed down".
7 - What does "sacrafice" mean?
8 - Difficult to please.
9 - Social brick.
10 - My way or the highway.

2008-08-29T20:40:00.002-04:00

"It is easier to shun the bait...then get caught in the snare."
-Ravi Zacharias

Obama said...

2008-08-28T23:14:00.002-04:00

Just got done watching the Democratic national convention. Obama ended it with the scripture reference "let us hold firmly to the hope that we profess". The actual verse he was referring to was most likely Hebrews 4:14 (New International Version) which states "14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.".... gotta use it in Context Obama. So do you think he used it in the right context?

Lessons from a Dog...

2008-08-28T21:56:00.002-04:00

Today was a long day! I was at Ball State till 9:30, after which I quickly went home to my apt. Thankfully I resisted the urge to turn on the TV and turn my mind off. Instead I sat on the balcony and pondered while the warm august breeze blew ever so gently in the nights presence. I noticed through the glass sliding doors from my 3rd floor view that a tenant in the 1st floor apartments was playing tug of war with his large doberman looking dog. And then it hit me, my story with the living God was often like this animal. As does this salivating beast depend on his master for food, so I reach to the father for true nourishment. Often the dog is accepted into families not for his intellect or his contribution...but simply because he loves and surrenders to the master. My disobedient acts led me to mentally form the picture of once such dog walking along with his master. In my minds eye I could see at times how patiently I would walk along side the Father...but when something I liked would catch my eye, and I would chase after it. I was oblivious to any dangers that would lay ahead. Of course He always saw farther than I, and His patient walk reveled that He had been on this trail before. Eventually the chase would end and I would come to my senses. I would turn around and see that the master had been running along side me, concerned about my life. Like so many times before I would turn with my tail between my legs, recognizing my mistake and desiring to resume my walk with Him. He has always happily excepted me back into his loving arms, embracing me no matter the distance. The analogy contains many flaws, but in it's essence it serves as a reminder to me that ultimate dependence on Jesus is not a burden... but in fact is liberating. Reliance on my self... well that's just plain dangerous.

"...Time....is on my side...yes it is..."

2008-06-25T01:57:00.003-04:00

It's amazing how often I procrastinate on those things that matter most, only to delay the inevitable. I often find myself finishing those little tasks like cleaning the apartment or doing dishes, when more important things require my attention (don't even get me started on my thesis). I found myself doing this very same thing just hours ago. I have a large paper due that is worth a significant portion of my grade, and instead of rushing to finish it...I decide it's a good time to shave all the hair off my chest.

Now before you go deleting me from your phone book or removing me as a friend on facebook, allow me to explain. I don't normally shave my chest (*Coff* Luke Burger *Coff*), but this was a special circumstance. I had gotten sun burned all over my chest, arms, and back two weeks ago and in the past week the skin has been pealing off my body. When I get in the shower (warning, this is gross), the skin peals off and clings to my Brawny Paper Towel Man chest hair. This makes me look like I just stepped out of the radioactive Chernobyl, not the effect I want if I am going to the pool. This at least solves that problem. Yet don't you think this could have waited.

It's not just me, The author of "How to eat a frog" talks about how, in every one's life, there are those things that influence most the impact of one's life. They represent in importance around the top in the list of the things we plan on getting done. Ironically the majority of people spend 90 percent of their time on those tasks in the bottom of that list and only 10 percent on the top. If I devoted the majority of my time to what was truly important... such impact would be noticeable. Think about it. Oh, and have you recognized yet that the quote from the title is from a song, "tiiiiiiiimmmmmeeeee, is on my side...yes it is". Don't recognize it? It's also sung by Azeal in the movie Fallen with Denzel Washington (good movie).

the problem with self control...

2008-06-24T12:50:00.002-04:00

Behavioral psychologists agree with the statement while psychoanalysts scoff at it. Humanities idea of “self control”, is considered by some to be an immeasurable internal force which allows us to show self restraint. Behaviorist suggest instead that we are a product of our reinforces and believe that proposing the idea of a construct inside us to explain internal motivators actually takes control away.

Many are familiar with the famous experiment involving Pavlov’s Dogs; how he was able to elicit salivating in dogs to a unrelated stimulus of a bell ringing. In a similar way we are reinforced everyday by a process called the A.B.C method. An example of step A (Antecedent) would be the phone ringing. An example of step B (Behavior) would be picking it up. An example of step C (Consequence) is someone answering. In this situation we have a example of unconscious positive reinforcement. If the consequence was pleasurable, the person is likely to repeat such behavior. Another example of reinforcement is hitting the snooze button. In this situation we have a negative reinforcement; the annoying noise was taken away.
It get’s interesting from here. If we continue conditioning theses neurological process for a sustained portion of time, the axons become hard and permanent. When this happens, the only treatment to undue this is brick therapy (bash em in the head with a brick). So here is my problem with pornography. If someone has a history of looking at a certain type of porn for example, they can retrain what they are actually sexually stimulated to (depending on what they are using as a stimulus at). Perhaps it’s no coincidence the majority of known pedophiles have a shared history of looking at pornography.

It must be noted that this simple conditioning with reinforces is much more complex in humans, probably more than behaviorist care to admit. A fellow named Maslow developed a hierarchy of needs that we attempt to fill, and any number of our behaviors can be unconsciously driven to meet one of these needs.
So if you your tired of making promises to yourself that seem to be broken as quickly as they can be made, alter your behavior through simple behavioral modification. Were all unhappy in some fashion with the frequency, duration, or intensity of one or more behaviors. Such modification will involve altering these factors: response effort, environment, and reinforcements. Regardless if this mentality may seem fatalistic, it is important to remember that in every opportunity we can still turn towards goodness. The problem is with each selfish decision we make, were more likely to repeat that process again.

the impact of your bro's and hoe's

2008-06-24T00:06:00.003-04:00

Isn't it interesting in life how people can make all the difference merely by there presence. If there involved in your life, they influence it, and hopefully in a positive way. It makes you wonder if heroes and villains in our everyday struggle are simply characters in life responding to their supporting cast. The funny website "Garfield Minus Garfield" is an example of this to some degree, without the character...Jon is a crazy person... the comic is funnier to.

we have the ability to make a difference ...

2008-06-17T23:43:00.001-04:00

Now more than ever we can make a difference in the word on the behalf of justice. Those who are against poverty can now put there money where their mouth is. The micro lender Kiva (www.Kiva.org) allows you to micro loan money out to impoverished people to make a better life for themselves. To under stand more about the process, check out "Banker to the Poor" by Muhammad Yunis.

I have been given much

2008-06-15T12:42:00.002-04:00

A man was driving his Lexus from church one Sunday, praying on his way home. He prayed that he would get the promotion, that time of to take a vacation to Hawaii, and be able to pay off the loan on his car. just then a car pulled out in front of him, forcing him off the road. The next thing the man knew, he was waking up in heaven. Finding himself just outside the pearly gates, he shouted to those inside, requesting if he may meet with Jesus. Jesus soon came out to meet the man. The man was very grateful for all the great things God had been given him and wanted to thanks Jesus, saying "ever since I excepted you into my life, everything has been great!" Jesus paused for a moment and explained "I think you have my words confused for another. There was a reason you were given so much...

You were given youth, so that you may serve the elderly.
You were given education, so that you may teach those who need to learn.
You were given wisdom, to keep others from making wrong choices.
You were given freedom, to speak out against those oppressed.

You were given food, to feed the hungry.
You were given wealth, so that you may give to those poorer than you.
You were given health, to heal those who are sick.
You were given strength, so that you could strengthen the weak.

You were given hands, to help serve your neighbors.
You were given legs, to walk with those in despair.
You were given eyes, to see hope beyond pain.
You were given ears, to here the stories of the suffering.
You were given a voice, to speak on behalf of the voiceless.

Luke 12:47-49 (The Message)
"The servant who knows what his master wants and ignores it, or insolently does whatever he pleases, will be thoroughly thrashed. But if he does a poor job through ignorance, he'll get off with a slap on the hand. Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities!

I've come to start a fire on this earth—how I wish it were blazing right now! I've come to change everything, turn everything right side up—how I long for it to be finished! Do you think I came to smooth things over and make everything nice? Not so...

Lesson learned #5- Vegtible Oil does not reduce smoke

2008-06-10T12:54:00.002-04:00

I live in this unique house apartment along the river in good old Muncie, IN. I enjoy my apartment and chose it for it's uniqueness. It's an attic apartment, with a winding staircase and triangle rooms. It's actually quite spacious with two bedrooms, living room and kitchen (and bathroom), and at 325$ a month (includes all the necessities) it is a steal. Yet there are also quirks with this apartment that I have come grown used to. For one, The triangle shaped bathroom forces me to use the restroom in a sitting position. If I was to stand without leaning I would be just far enough away from the toilette to reduce to 93% accuracy. Also the shower is quite small and the shower spout is equal to my chest. For the first three weeks, before I got new shower nozzle, I had to shower in a crouched position. Another thing I noticed was that when I started using the stove, I noticed that three of the four heating coils lightly smoked. Not totally sure where it was coming from, I found I was able to eliminate the smoke if I sprayed water on the coil. This worked for the most part, except when the burner was on high. So, last week after continually spraying the largest coil, I decided a quick fix would be to pour vegetable oil on it. My thinking was that oil doesn't evaporate as easily and so would be less work. Well, as many of you know already my thinking was very wrong. I found out oil actually is worse in this situation due to it's tendency to sizzle and splatter at hot temperatures. And of course right then my ADD must have kicked in full gear because I pour water on the oil thinking it would reduce the temperature. This only resulted in the stove break out in flames. Thankfully that lasted a totally of five seconds, and immediately turning the burner down caused the smoke to subsided. Lesson learned, disaster avoided, dinner saved.

Warning.... Vista movie maker may cause violent agression

2008-06-04T11:01:00.007-04:00

Normally I don't use my blog as a therapeutic way to vent my anger, but it's either that or break the monitor....so I'm trying to restrain myself. The situation is this, I have a year old tower with Vista Ultimate on it. I also own a windows xp laptop, and am borrowing a mac desktop currently. You might have a urge to say, "nate, do you really need that many computers"... Well... fight it..because how many computers I have is not the focus of this article. With the windows xp I'm satisfied, with the Mac (tiger) I'm quite ecstatic, and with the Vista...lets just say I would pay more for poop in a box. But I digress... the real beef I have is with movie maker. The first issue I have is that it comes up with hundreds of error message all the time, then shuts down and I loose my work. Second, I can only have music or a narrative, not both. Three, it only lets me have one line of video... Four, it's cumbersome. Five, it claims to work with a wide variety of video. Yet, try to export your video and it will come up with the bogus error message "File will not save, error: not enough space, project files may be missing, or drive may be unavailable". "Oh, really?...that specific, huh?" I mean, come on, that's like three separate problems there. Anyway, it turns out that there are a number of files that often cause problems. they are are; (Video) Mpeg, MOV, Mjpeg and divx-avi (Music/Audio) MP3 (Stills/Pictures) Jpeg. This makes me laugh...these are main types of formats, some even consider them industry standards. How could Movie Maker not notify the user of this when it lets you edit these files? How come Microsoft didn't patch this up? So, I spend 5 hours of work, only to deal with two more hours of hassle. Basically, in the end I got it to work for 5 minutes, enough to produce a very small video. Your welcome to see it (I will post it in this blog)...unfortunately it's about the best I can do. I guess the moral of the day is don't expect to eat lobster when you starting with S***,

Media's influence on Mentality...

2008-06-02T14:15:00.003-04:00

After reading 1 Corinthians 15 I am left with questions. For example, verse 33 in the new king James states “be not deceived: Evil communications corrupts good manners “. I was wondering if this is only talking about fellowship with peers, but perhaps also media such as TV/Movies…couldn't they not also have a negative influence on an individual? It seems since the late 19th century that there is a trend in the U.S. toward obtaining pleasure, self-fulfillment, and immediate gratification. When did enjoyment became the central measure of a fulfilling life in our American experience? It is as if there is a public fascination with fashion, travel, and amusement. Part of this transformation may be the result of the flooding of our everyday world with mass-produced visual images. "Motion pictures are particularly adept at conveying the tangibility of things and their desirability as possessions" (Berger, 1972). It seems the idea of instant gratification and the freedom to obtain personal happiness have been Hollywood's tradition for generations and contemporary films reinforce this view. Our present broad socialization encourages especially the youth to follow their impulses, to do whatever attracts them or feels good. So how much impact do movies truly have? do they influence our institutions? Our family, laws, politics, or religion? I can't help but thinking that youth who are still forming beliefs and opinions may especially be impacted by this medium. Some destructive examples include the over glamorization of artistic professionals that increase unrealistic expectations for the youthful viewer. Movies portray family life as either funny and simplistic or overly tragic and Alcohol use is shown with great frequency. Few characters are shown depicted as driving recklessly or exceeding the speed limit as a result of drinking. The same unrealistic portrayal exists with sexual behavior. Sexual diseases, broken hearts in relationships (which is reported as a high cause of suicides among youth), and unwanted pregnancy seem to very rarely follow the main characters sexual encounters, and yet they all to often follow unprotected rushed real life sexual intimacy. When you put a frog in a boiling pot he jumps right out. Take that same frog, put in a pot and change the temperature slowly...the frog boils to death. The temperature has been turned up and yet we don't even realize the immorality anymore... so I guess the question now becomes how can I resist...how do I fight back?

By the way, if you wan't to see a great science fiction movie that plays on this idea ...check out "They Live"(1988)

Vivo en Chicago?

2008-05-28T12:17:00.002-04:00

Amount spent on train in chicago, $4. Bus fair with incorrect diretctions... $4. Cost of taxi... $5, tiping drivieres... $6. homeless man asking for money, $2. Attempting spanish and making a friend with a child on a train...priceless.

True story, and out of my experience in chicago comes some wisdom. First, that make sure you know where you are going in chicago direction wise, because chances are nobody else does. I asked four people how to get to the sheraton hotel and I was pointed in four diffrent directions, only one was right. After a hour of walking I decided to hail a taxi. But how did one do this? and how expensive would it be? Turns out the movies are right, jut put up your hand (like your answering a question in class) to a taxi as it's driving by and it will pull over. As for cost, it only cost me 5 dollars to get to a hotel that was maybe two and a half miles from my location. I heard that some times taxi drivers will take you the long way, so be careful I suppose. Aside from this, presenting at the APS convention in Chicago was worth the work. Last tip for those not native to Chicago, it's best to park outside of the city (like I did at bedford park) and take the train in. It's alot cheaper on marking, which is easily 25-40 dollars downtown. Oh, and my spanish friend? Yes, a seven year old boy with his parents who loved guitar and talking. I talked to him (although he knew more english than I did spanish thankfully)for 30 minutes, and gave him something to remember me by. I have to say, in a society with social norms it's great to have Children around to break them once in a while. Keeps us from taking ourselves to seriously.

Thoughts on faith despite evolution

2008-05-20T15:11:00.003-04:00

In my class on “history and systems of psychology”, I am being taught the different scientific revolutions, including Darwins Evolutionism. Our professor stated that Darwinism came and crossed out our previous perception of intelligent design. First, I must disagree. In no way does Darwinisms theory of evolution attempt to explain the origins of life; his manifesto focuses on adaptation and survival, not on origin and existence. Second, He stated that it changed the way we previously believed about life. Originally we believed that there were three facets to life. Plants, animals, and humans. Today, the break up exists differently, where as the three main groups are Bacteria, plants, and animals. Humans are a subspecies of animals. I also noticed how the prof mentioned in a dismissive tone how religious groups were resistant to this idea. At first I didn’t see a huge distinction between believers in Cross Species Evolution and those who believe in Creationism. Yet the claims that humans arrived from animals must be questioned. For if this is truth, its implications are quite dangerous. In 1 Corinthians 15:39 it states “For all flesh is not the same, but there is one kind for humans, another for beasts, another for birds, and another for fish.” This verse talks more about our existence than our origins, and those uneducated about the evolution debate should focus on this point when conversing with unbelievers. For from this we recognize that “we must not live like beasts, as we do not die like them” (Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary).
Darwin “If it could be demonstrated that any complex organ existed which could not possibly have been formed by numerous, successive, slight modifications, my theory would absolutely break down” (origin of the species).

How a Cyclone halfway across the world affected me...

2008-05-15T15:39:00.002-04:00

Anyone listening to the media knows about the severe cyclone that took thousands of lives in Myanmar on May 3. The hurricane was literally so destructive that it changed the terrain, leaving much of the Irrawaddy Delta flooded. The International Federation of Red Cross estimated the total population affected by the cyclone at between 1.6 million and 2.5 million. An estimated 2 million survivors are still in need of emergency aid, but U.N. agencies and other groups have been able to reach only 270,000 people so far. The UN today put the confirmed death toll at 38,491, with another 27,800 people missing. Hardship and hunger Are no stranger to the country of Myanmar. Before Tropical Cyclone Nargis struck, about one in three children in the country formerly known as Burma were malnourished. Now untold numbers of corpses have been left rotting in ground that is little more than a saltwater swamp, thousands of hungry people are begging in the streets, and most rice stocks are soaked and ruined. Fishing boats along the coast have helped ferry survivors to safety but can't make enough rounds a day to rescue everyone. “The trip is a stomach-wrenching journey”, said Maung U, a 36-year-old driver of a rescue boat. "Each trip takes five or six hours through a narrow waterway littered with dead bodies," he said. "Every few meters, you see another dead body, human or animal." Reading about such tragedy has left the question of “what can I do” circling in my head. I already took the liberty to donate to Gospel for Asia, an organization that has apparently been able to assist as it’s staff are comprised of locals to the area. Yet, is that it? I have food and a comfortable home and yet thousands are in need of a simple cup of rice and shelter. At first I brushed this situation off as a tragedy that’s beyond me, but I found a quote that has left me asking if I can do more: “Love will find a way. Indifference will find an excuse.” (Anonymous) (note some of this article was taken from a variety of news articles)
In addition to this article, I have comprised more exhaustive informative update of the situation in Myanmar by piecing together pieces of news articles and the history of Myanmar from the web (see the previous post). I think it is important to be well informed on the plights of neighbors both distant and near, so in case you’re still a bit unfamiliar of the situation, feel free to read. You may note that a bit of artistic license was used, and while the following was produced mainly form news articles, it is from my viewpoint, and contains many of my opinions about the situation.

Summary and comments of Cyclone disaster in Myanmar...

2008-05-15T15:35:00.003-04:00

On May 3rd the Tropical Cyclone Nargis struck Myanmar, taking thousands of lives and leaving much of the coast including Irrawaddy Delta flooded. In the midst of this disaster is a greater tragedy, Myanmar's ruling junta’s refusal to allow foreign aid workers into the country. This has left most survivors living in miserable conditions without food or clean water. First, the state controlled media did nothing to warn residents of the incoming Cyclone, and with a continuing possibility of an additional cyclone continue to do nothing.

Efforts to rush food and medicine from Labutta to lower-lying parts of the delta that were hardest hit have been slowed by the military's intense micromanaging. "The government wants total control of the situation although they can't provide much and they have no experience in relief efforts," said a leading aid worker for an international aid organization. "We have to report to them every step of the way, every decision we make. "Their eyes are everywhere, monitoring what we do, who we talk to, what we bring in and how much," the aid worker said in a soft voice, constantly looking around nervously as his assistant turned off all the lights except one dim lamp. "We don't want them to see you here. They don't trust us, as it is," he told a foreign reporter in Labutta. The few reporters and aid workers who have made it down to the Irrawaddy Delta continue to report heartbreaking scenes of hungry, homeless people who have lost everything and are now forced to wash and draw water from flooded plains where dead bodies are still floating.

The military, which has ruled since 1962, has taken control of most supplies sent by other countries, including the United States, which began its third day of aid delivery today as five more giant C-130 transport planes headed to Myanmar with help. The directors of several relief organizations in Myanmar said Wednesday that some of the international aid arriving into the country for the victims of Cyclone Nargis had been stolen, diverted or warehoused by the country’s army. Marcel Wagner, country director of the Adventist Development and Relief Agency, confirmed that aid was being diverted by the army. He said the issue would become an increasing problem, although he declined to give further details because of the sensitivity of the situation. The junta has barred all foreigners, including credentialed diplomats and aid workers, from accompanying any donated aid, tracking its distribution or following up on its delivery. Mr. Wagner said he and his agency’s foreign staff members were now barred from the Irrawaddy Delta, even to areas where the group has ongoing projects dating from before the storm. Fortunately, he said, he has Burmese staff are permitted come and go through an increasing number of military checkpoints. A number of countries have offered to bring in aid and deliver it from the south, by ship, but the junta has adamantly refused. One of the generals’ most enduring fears is a seaborne invasion by Western powers it refers to as “foreign saboteurs.” “These guys really believe we are planning an invasion,” Ms. Villarosa said. The United States said this week that several of its military ships were in the area and ready to provide help in Myanmar. “It’s nuts! We’re not! But if they hear that a large U.S. ship is off the coast, they don’t receive the message that it’s a genuine humanitarian effort,” she said. Myanmar has long been suspicious of the outside world, which the junta fears could bring in destabilizing ideas and values, such as Western concepts of democracy and human rights. The junta has brutally suppressed any sign of dissent. At least 31 people were killed when troops crushed monk-led pro-democracy protests last September.

Myanmar's ruling junta told visiting Thai Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej that it is in control of the relief operations and doesn't need foreign experts. "They have their own team to cope with the situation," Samak said after returning from Yangon. Despite condemnation over its stance, Myanmar's military government tightened access to the cyclone disaster zone Wednesday, turning back foreigners and rejecting new pleas from Thailand's premier Samak Sundaravej. He said the junta gave him a "guarantee" that there was no starvation or disease outbreaks among survivors. In Yangon, Samak visited a government relief center. Yet Un They insisted they can take care of their people and their country. They can manage by themselves," he said after the meeting with Myanmar Prime Minister Thein Sein.

Such insisting falls on deaf ears as the international community remains unfooled by such blatant lies. A top European Union humanitarian official said there was now a risk of famine, after the May 3 storm destroyed rice stocks in a main farming region in one of the world's poorest and most isolated countries. As for Samak, it is quite evident that his history is similar to that of the heartless generals. Currently the Prime Minister of Thailand since January 2008, yet in 1968 Samak became head of the renegade right-wing faction of the Ruling Party. In the 1976 general election, he defeated Kukrit Pramoj and was made Deputy Interior Minister in the cabinet of Seni Pramoj. He quickly became prominent for arresting several left-wing activists. In 1992, as Deputy Prime Minister in the Suchinda administration, Samak justified the military's brutal suppression of pro-democracy demonstrators by declaring that the government had the right to do so as long as the United States could send troops to kill people in other countries, a reference to the Gulf War against Iraq and Saddam Hussein taking place from 2 August 1990 to 28 February 1991. He remains unrepentant and continues to stand by his justification, stating that the military was merely trying to restore law and order after the pro-democracy demonstrators, which he branded as "troublemakers", had resorted to "mob rule".

This Friday a Thai medical team will be the first foreign aid group allowed to work in the ravaged region. That’s 13 days after the disaster! The European Union's top aid official, Development Commissioner Louis Michel, said today he is not opposed to the idea of air-dropping aid in Myanmar but does not think it will work. Others have suggested unilateral air drops to circumvent the junta's restrictions. Red Cross warned that the death toll from Cyclone Nargis could be at least 68,833 and as high as 127,990 -- considerably higher than the government's official count of 34,273 dead. Un’s Ban has made several attempts to speak directly with General Than Shwe, Myanmar's military leader, UN spokeswoman Michele Montas said Myanmar's mission to the UN gave Ban two phone numbers to call and no one has ever answered those phones. Ban said the operation to help the Myanmar people was entering its "second stage", reflecting views that almost two weeks after the storm hit, it may already be too late for many sick and hungry victims who have got little aid from a government that insists it can manage the catastrophe alone.

Yet of course the government is willing to except money. Myanmar's government told the UN yesterday that at least $260 million will be needed for rice planting next month, replacing livestock destroyed by the cyclone and rebuilding the nation's fishing industry. Yet in the delta town of Labutta, where 80 percent of homes were destroyed, authorities were providing only one cup of rice per family per day, a European Commission aid official told Reuters. The United Nations appealed for $187 million in aid, even though it is still not confident the food, water and tents flown in will make it to those most in need because of the junta's reluctance to admit international relief workers. India and Thailand both have been satisfied with unloading their supplies at the airport and leaving them for the junta to distribute. The UN is balking at that kind of an arrangement and threatened Friday to suspend relief fights when a shipment of its energy biscuits was impounded by the military. It quickly backed down, but it is still trying to negotiate an agreement that will ensure the world community's aid goes to those who need it most.

The U.S. has repeatedly criticized Myanmar's military, which has ruled the nation since 1962, over its corrupt and oppressive rule. Bush said two days ago the world ``ought to be angry'' at the way the junta has delayed the relief effort. The US has made attempts in the past to stop the human atrocities that occur in Myanmar, but with little results. While impervious to Western economic sanctions, the generals have avoided total isolation by using Myanmar's vast natural gas reserves to befriend energy-hungry China and India.

Groups opposed to the Myanmar regime are calling for an international day of protest on Saturday. These troubles added on top of global rice prices skyrocketing (triggered in part by export restrictions in countries worried about food scarcity) will cause further hardships for the Myanmar people, prices are expected to remain high.

There was even talk for a a UN-led "invasion" of Myanmar -- to rescue a desperate population from its ruthless dictatorship. Can’t say congress would justify “Humanitarian justice” as reason for making our casus belli. Not that such a threat would put that government off its lunch. Undistracted by global cries of horror and outrage, the country's ruling generals prefer to watch their citizens die by the thousands, rather than open the border to foreign aid workers who are trained to save lives by distributing tons of urgently needed food, water and medicines in a disaster zone. But still the junta refuses to let aid shipments land from the United Nations or from numerous international relief agencies who refuse to turn their precious humanitarian shipments over to a corrupt regime. The notion of human rights is not in this government's policy book. While the number of avoidable deaths after the cyclone may be greater than any other atrocity in its closet, this week's events are nonetheless just the latest evidence of a repugnant regime.

France is set to deliver 1,500 tons of rice aid aboard the warship Mistral, which would arrive in Myanmar's waters in the middle of this week, the French foreign ministry said on Sunday. France wants the aid on the Mistral to be distributed either by the ship's crew, or by the staff of NGOs already on the ground, or by U.N. teams, a foreign ministry source said French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner told French newspaper Le Figaro on Saturday that France would not consider entrusting aid to the Myanmar authorities

Despite alarm bells from the international community about feeble cycle relief effort, the junta kept its focus on a weekend referendum on a new constitution, part of a "roadmap to democracy" culminating in multi-party elections in 2010. Myanmar's ruling junta, facing growing domestic and international pressure to ease its authoritarian rule, recently announced it will hold the constitutional referendum on May 10 as part of a "road map to democracy." Critics have said the charter is a sham designed to perpetuate military rule and to keep pro-democracy leader and Nobel Peace Prize laureate Aung San Suu Kyi from running for office.- Myanmar's generals diverted manpower from the cyclone aid effort Saturday to oversee a controversial referendum on a new constitution, while more than a million victims of the tragedy continued to wait for rescue. Myanmar's top general, Than Shwe, made his first public appearance since the cyclone, casting his ballot in the new capital of Nyapyidaw. State-run TV warned of "foreign interference" in a broadcast message urging people to vote yes for the constitution. Most people were expected to do just that. Of the 20 people Reuters interviewed near polling stations in Hlegu, only two admitted to voting no. Even then, it was in a whisper and with a nervous glance over the shoulder first. Critics say the referendum, which comes in the wake of the junta's grudging response to the devastation of Cyclone Nargis, only will serve to further cement the military's hold on power.

The referendum was the first vote of any kind in Myanmar since 1990, when Aung San Suu Kyi's National League to Democracy swept to victory in an election the general refused to honour. To the xenophobic regime, getting the vote out in areas not affected by the cyclone appeared as important as getting clean water, food and shelter to the 1.5 to two million of its citizens the United Nations now estimates were "severely affected”. Today Myanmar announced a 92 percent vote that keeps them in power (fake democracy). If the rulling Generals would take their foots of the necks of the people, the vote's to keep them would only be six, one for each general.

For a background on the distrust between the Burman government and countries in power, copy and paste the link in your Browser:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burmese_Kingdom

The cost of a Tooth...

2008-05-14T10:55:00.003-04:00

Again, to any casual readers I apologize for my lack of writing. One of my biggest weaknesses is consistency, so this is my re-new years resolution for the summer. As the title suggests, teeth cost something, and not surprisingly are very expensive. How do I know? I chipped one. Well, actually my friend chipped it with his racket during our game of racket ball. He was swinging as I was dashing towards him for the ball. His racket and my mouth connected and I then saw half a tooth drop to the floor. I thanked everyone for the game and told them I had to retire on a mission to save my tooth. I rushed home, put the tooth in milk, and called my friend (a dental assistant) for advice. She broke the bad news, the piece of tooth didn't need to be in milk, it was lost forever. Since then I have had three dentist visits ( two more to go) and two orthodontist visits. They have drilled, plastered, scraped, given me x-rays, to my poor mouth. Right now I have a fake tooth in, but it is my hope that a real tooth will follow here shortly. As for cost, my insurance covers next to nothing, so all in all I am now 3,000 in the hole. Yet I have no reason to complain, such problems pale in comparison to hurricane destroying everything I have. All in all it has been an adventure. The lesson in all this? Two Words: Mouth Guard. You may look stupid for the moment, but loose a tooth and you will look stupid for a lot longer.

phantom dreams

2008-04-21T00:04:00.003-04:00

I had two dreams about the x-girlfriend this week. Not sure why, but they were kinda weird. In both I broke up her relationship to get back together with her. I woke up in that state not knowing if it was a dream or reality. If you would ask me the question" Is it better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all".... that's easy...to never have loved....it's less painful.

awake 89 hours and counting.... (not counting microsleep).

2008-04-17T17:41:00.004-04:00

I feel like I have so much to write about...alas it is also crunch time at Ball State University, so I'm trying to keep my head above water. So, it's six in the afternoon on a Thursday and I am chillen in my office, perplexed at the fact that I'm not tired. Of course that in itself is not a big deal, but sine I haven't slept the past three nights (not a badge of courage, but a statement of shame), I'm surprised I'm still standing. I once did this same thing in undergrad, and once I laid down I crashed for 12 hours. So why am I not tired now? Most people that I know make a huge deal about how important sleep is. While I may disagree, I do acknowledged when I don't sleep, I often find myself accidental sleeping in pass class. Not a good idea when you have Spanish 101 every morning (which is why I have a flippen D in that class, argh...). Buneos Noches.

Church History Quiz

2008-04-08T23:50:00.002-04:00

A Church History Quiz relating to important doctrinal issues in scripture... I love this kinds of stuff, it makes me realize how much more I need to explore the history of what I believe. Let's see how much you know, I got a 16 out of 23: see if you can do better. Feel free to post your score :). Answer each question below either true or false. Answers are found in previous post.

Church History Quiz
1. Emperor Constantine launched one of the most ruthless campaigns to uproot Christianity

2. The Gnostics were an ancient sect that emphasized the physical over the spiritual

3. Pelagianism was condemned by more church councils than any other heresy in church history

4. Pelagius taught that St. Augustine's doctrine of grace would lead inevitably to moral apathy

5. Arianism was the belief that Christ only appeared to have a human body

6. Orthodox Christians deny the title "Mother of God" as being applicable to Mary, the mother of Jesus

7. The Middle Ages were fairly calm in terms of heresy, due to the strength of Christendom

8. Martin Luther was the first reformer to attack the popularity of Pelagian works-righteousness in the church

9. Jerome Savonarola, in the 15th c., brought morality back to Florence and was, therefore, a precursor to the Reformation itself

10. Erasmus, a Renaissance humanist, was a major obstacle in Luther's breakthrough to understanding the Gospel

11. Martin Luther's great discovery was that the only way a sinner is acceptable to God is if the grace of God alone, by the power of the Holy Spirit, transforms the sinner into a godly Christian

12. The Reformers discovered that God doesn't expect us to be perfect, but that he forgives and accepts us on the basis of our love for him even though we still sin

13. John Calvin believed that the Old Testament law should govern modern nations and that is why he had a little girl stoned to death and had Servetus burned at the stake

14. Luther and Calvin believed that the main purpose of Holy Communion is to remember what Christ did for us and to commit ourselves anew to serving him

15. The Anabaptists were a group of English missionaries who helped advance the Reformation

16. At the Council of Trent Rome anathematized the Gospel

17. The Puritans were a group of English Arminians who sought to bring in the kingdom of God by prohibiting alcohol and banning the theater

18. Calvinists are the only Protestants who believe in unconditional election--that is, the doctrine that God elected sinners to be saved before the creation of the world apart from anything on their part, including foreseen faith

19. The position of the Roman Catholic Church and Arminianism is identical on the main questions of justification and sanctification

20. Pietism was a movement of mainly German and Dutch Protestants who wanted to emphasize the heart over doctrine

21. Modern liberalism arose out of a desire to emphasize Christianity as an intellectual philosophical system rather than a way of life and personal relationship with Christ
system rather than a way of life and personal relationship with Christ

22. The doctrine of conversion and the experience of being born again is central to historic evangelical Christianity

23. The most dominant view of end-times throughout church history has been the Rapture of the church prior to the Tribulation and the personal return of Christ to establish his millennial reign on the earth
false

Answers to Church History Quiz... see latter post above

2008-04-08T23:41:00.005-04:00

To See Answers, hold down left clicker and drag mouse over text, and it will appear

1. FALSE - Galerius was the last of the persecutors and when he died in 311, Constantine launched the building of "Christendom"
2. FALSE - Just the opposite, they taught that matter is evil and spirit is good
3. TRUE
4. TRUE - Pelagius denied original sin and believed that all one needed to do to be saved was to follow Christ instead of Satan
5. FALSE - That's Docetism, an offshoot of Gnosticism; Arianism held just the opposite: Christ was merely a man, not the God-Man
6. FALSE - The Church insisted that the child Mary carried in her womb was no less than God himself. Thus, the title was calculated to defend the divinity of Christ. If she was not the mother of God, of whom was she the mother? Jesus. But was Jesus not God? They did not infer any notion of her being the mother of Christ according to his deity, of course, but those [like Nestorius] who wished to separate Christ's divine and human nature were warned against this by the title
7. FALSE - The period saw the rise of scores of sects, heresies, and schisms especially in the West
8. FALSE - Thomas Bradwardine, 14th c. archbishop of Canterbury; Johann von Staupitz, Luther's mentor, and the Waldensians, Wycliffe--14th c., Hus--15th c., were opponents of what Bradwardine referred to as "the new Pelagians"
9. FALSE - The Reformation was a recovery of the Gospel, not a moral crusade
10. FALSE - It is said that he "laid the egg that Luther hatched," by recovering the meaning of the key Greek words for "justification," "repentance," from the perversions of the Latin Vulgate
11. FALSE - Rome said that justification was due entirely to God's grace transforming the believer, while the Reformers insisted that justification, unlike sanctification, was a legal declaration, not a spiritual or moral transformation, even though the latter always follows
12. FALSE - They knew that God demanded perfect righteousness, and that's why justification is a perfect righteousness imputed rather than an infused righteousness or ability to pursue righteousness
13. FALSE - Calvin never had a girl stoned and actually pleaded with the city officials not to burn Servetus. He did not believe that O.T. civil law is applicable to modern nations, as he states in the Institutes
14. FALSE - Although they held different views, both believed in the "Real Presence" of Christ in Communion and denied that it was a mere memorial
15. FALSE - They formed the "Radical Reformation," believing that Protestants [Lutherans and Reformed] didn't go far enough in condemning Romanism [viz., infant baptism, the creeds, etc.] and that they denied that the Spirit is above and speaks apart from the Word. Many Anabaptists taught unorthodox doctrines, including Menno Simons' denial of Christ's true humanity, and embraced works-righteousness
16. TRUE - The Council of Trent of the Roman Catholic Church officially condemned the doctrine of justification by faith alone and its related teachings.

17. FALSE - They were English Calvinists who wanted to purify worship from what they believed to be persistent superstitions. Against their popular image, they actually were at the forefront of worldly affairs, including the arts, literature, science, exploration, and politics. See Joseph Butler's Theatre and the Crisis (Cambridge) and Leland Ryken's The Worldly Saints (Zondervan), for starters
18. FALSE - Unconditional election is the classical position of both the Roman Catholic and the major Protestant communions that came directly out of the Reformation
19. TRUE - Arminians traditionally deny the Protestant formula of justification [i.e., "justification by grace alone through faith alone because of Christ alone"] and argue that faith itself is the ground [rather than instrument] of justification. Further, they see justification as a process of being conformed to Christ
20. TRUE - Originally, they simply wanted to recover the union of doctrine and life, but the movement ended up creating anti-intellectualism, legalism and a cynical view of the institutional church
21. FALSE - Actually, its source was pietism and the desire to locate religion in a "spiritual" realm that would be safe from what the assault of the critics. Even though Christ may not have been raised in real human history, "he lives within my heart."
22. FALSE - Historic Protestantism focuses on the objective work of Christ for sinners rather than on the subjective work of Christ within sinners, while affirming and defending both
23. FALSE - The Dispensational scheme, including the idea of the Rapture, arose in the nineteenth century for the first time

the problem in pleasure...

2008-04-06T23:59:00.001-04:00

Lately I have found a number of things in my life I have not wanted to part with because they mean too much to me. This serves as a wake up call that I may be ripe for an enslaving destructive dependency… if left unchallenged, deception and denial will spread and blind my heart, and this deception will allow my addictions to gain their foothold. If the problem is unchecked, addictions can destroy my capacity for self control. So why do I engage in such behavior? Because it turn my lows into temporary highs, providing doses of relief that I control. All are ways that I find to relieve pain or helplessness or boredom.
The realty is that its promise of freedom is really a house of mirrors that traps me with little hope of escape, the effects are always self destructive. Of course I would quit if I could on my own, but I have become a slave to my own desires, and often I believe I deserve the relief and power my addiction provides.
Don’t get me wrong, the desire to feel good is not unhealthy, but having a belief that one needs relief “NOW” regardless is a trap leading to enslavement in a destructive dependency. When feeling good becomes more important to a person then doing good, loving others, or knowing God, they are drifting on the waves of addicted. A need for relief does not have to drive us into arms of addiction. The question I need to ask myself is am I willing to feel the inescapable pains and valleys in my life? The alternative is committing to immediate relief and control. Ravi Zacharias reminds me that “All pleasure cost (something). For legitimate you pay the price before pleasure. For illegitimate you pay the price after pleasure.”

The parodox of external freedom vs. internal freedom

2008-04-02T23:49:00.003-04:00

For those who noticed that I decided to change the name of my blog, I felt that the previous name didn’t always fit with my posting. Adam Thada (by his tote bags for a good cause) was right to put a link to my blog with the words “unpredictable”. My thoughts and postings are often erratic. Granted it sucks if you’re a reader… which is probably why I write this more for my therapeutic value.

On a different note, I was at the funeral for my great aunt last week. First let me metion that when you are stating that someone has been cremated, it is apparently inappropriate to use the statement “ …they burned her.” Apparently it is disturbing to the listener and implies she was alive during the ordeal…. now I know. I define this as a “Nateism”. I am defining the word “Nateism” as a statement where the “use of one’s wording falls humorously far from its intended meaning”.

Moving along, there were two things that stuck out to me in the freezing cold of that cloudy morning (seriously, who has a funeral at 10:00 am?) First, the highlights of her eulogy were the places she had visited (These being Las Vegas, and whale watching in California). I found it odd that they were mentioned in such a way that led us twenty in attendance to assume they were the most important aspects of her life. Not to knock anyone’s death speech, but the last words for a parting loved one shouldn’t include the vacations they attended; especially when contrasted with scripture. Predictably the scripture wasn’t Luke 6:9.
The second was the revelation that my great aunt was in World War II, not on the front lines per say but ever bit as important (honestly, I don’t know what she did). There was a gun salute at her funeral, a practice that is common with Veterans who served in the War. As the old men with raisin like features hoisted their guns in the air and let of a piercing sound in unison, I was reminded of the fact that we as Americans are strong believers in external freedoms. Freedom of speech, freedom of the press; it seems that many controversial issues deal with freedoms. Freedom to have an abortion, freedom to have a gun, these are just a few that come to mind. Yet, why is it we are less enthusiastic when our internal freedoms are in jeopardy. 1 Corinthians 6:12 states “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible, but I will not be mastered by anything”. I wonder if the average person realizes that the decisions they make, when made repeatedly, often become habitual responses. Something so simple as watching TV or checking facebook to something more devious like pornography or smoking; each of these things may threaten our freedom. Yet, we welcome these till the point where they become addictions, fooling ourselves that we are as in complete control of the situation. We may be in control, but there is a line when choice becomes habit, when habit becomes character, and when character becomes destiny.

what is beautiful?

2008-04-01T16:01:00.002-04:00

Pretty isn't beautiful, Mother.
Pretty is what changes...
What the eye arranges
is what is beautiful! - Stephen Sondheim, Sunday in the Park with George

thanks for the words of wisdom Teddy

2008-03-26T00:31:00.002-04:00

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat." -Teddy Roosevelt

I'm being pulled over for what?!? Lewd Acts!?!

2008-02-22T12:17:00.002-05:00

Lewd Acts....I was being pulled over for lewd acts. I looked the cop in the face with a half smile and said with a chuckle in my voice "Officer, you've got the wrong guy". To backtrack if I may, It was 10:00 at night in muncie, IN; I had just left my office at Ball State University's campus and was heading home. I get to my house, and all of a sudden as the intense flashing blue and red lights reflect off my rear view mirrors straight into my eyes I know I'm bused. I new I should have changed my expired license plate. Knowing that in just four days I will be in court appealing a previous ticket, not to mention that I've been pulled over about 14 times for everything in the book, I get ready to been down in take it like the newest inmate on death row. The officer pulls up to my window and I try to open my window, but it's stuck. I make hand gestures to him indicating my inability to role down my window. My smile disguises my happiness that I can make this more difficult for him. I open my door and stay seated as he asks me for identification. I hand him my license. While he is looking at it, I turn my head to the right and look at my apartment house. I wondered what my neighbors were thinking now... probably a mixture of laughing and sympathy. I wait for the the officer to ask the infamous question, "Do you know why I stoped you", but instead he goes straight for the jugular. "I got some reports of a man matching your vehicle in description, white male with beard driving a Honda Civic, performing lewd Acts".

Now, for those who don't know, the legal definition for the term "lewd” is: “Any conduct that is considered indecent or offensive". Often the term is often used when referring to pornography, prostitution and indecent exposure. So, this is where a smile comes to my face, and this time it's a real smile. I relinquish my Drivers license, and then wait for ten minutes. After he returns I get a few grueling questions, and then with tone of surprise he declares my innocence and allows me to leave. I laugh as leave to pull along the street adjacent to my apartment. I've been pulled over for seat belt, speeding, running red light, no lights, not getting in adjacent lane to ensure police safety when pulled on shoulder of highway....but I can safely say that this by far is the first time being pulled over for a suspected exhibitionist. Funny as this is, I realize that there is still a white male still at large in a silver Honda with a beard who loves lewd.... and then my smile fades into a frown.

Ash Wednesday

2008-02-06T16:33:00.001-05:00

Today is Ash Wednesday, which is the first day of Lent in Western Christianity. For those unfamiliar with lent, in most Christian denominations, it is a forty-day liturgical season of fasting and prayer before Easter. The forty days represent the time Jesus spent in the desert, where he endured temptation by Satan. In that past I have paid little head to this ancient church practice, but today I wish to start by practicing this ancient holiday. Unlike the tradition of giving up meat or food for lent (while I will fast from food, it won't be daily) I will give up the activity of TV watching. David Mcclelland suggested that worldly asceticism is specifically targeted against worldly pleasures that distract people from there calling, and may accept worldly pleasures that are not distracting. To me, the visual media falls into this category, and so to better prepare my heart and mind for the death and resurrection of my Lord, I feel it is only appropriate. Last year I did little to prepare for this event, and the experience was shallow. I believe this year I will take it more to mind and heart. Truthfully, I am not sure I can give it up for 40 days…that's how I know I need to.

short but sweet....thats what she said

2008-02-01T00:57:00.000-05:00

Dan asked a good theological question, and I like it so I am going to ask the same. If God is omnipresent, he would have to be everywhere, right? So, with that said, Will God Be in Hell (I say will be, because Hell has not been created yet)? Let me know your opinions on this.

only live once!

2008-01-17T03:38:00.000-05:00

Nate’s to do List:

Go skydiving at least one time.
Play a small part in an action movie
Eat dinner with a political leader in your country.
Go on a date with the President of the University.
Sing a song in front of thousands of people at a rock concert.
Travel to the moon with the astronauts on a special discovery mission.
Go bungee jumping from a very high bridge.
Drive a race car over 150 km/hr.
Spend all your money shopping for clothes.
Learn how to fly an airplane.
Travel on a submarine. Travel on a helicopter over a jungle.
Marry someone who is rich and famous.
Publish a book about your life.
Go scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.
Go to medical school and become a heart surgeon.
Get your PhD and work for a University.
Chat on-line with a group of friends.
Text message a friend you have not heard from for years.
Ask an employer for a raise.

Run accross the great wall of China
Invite someone to a party on New Year’s Eve.

I haven't bathed in months...

2008-01-15T17:51:00.000-05:00

I read Romans 12 today to renew my mind, and it was if cataracts were removed from my eyes. I am reminded again why Satan desires to separate us from the Word, as it is our only offense against him. Since Satan is considered the God of this age (2 Cor. 4:4), it is no wonder that the current mind set seen in the ideals, opinions, goals, hopes, and views of the majority of people are a reflection of Him. It is this world system that he has used to blind me of the things of the true God. Sadly I have formed a clinical addiction to a number of things that are against Him. This happened because I neglected spending any time with God, and when man is left to himself he follows the system of this world , deeping his state of moral darkness. I thank God that He has put in me the desire to read His Word again and be reminded of this. Romans 12:2 reminds me that the “renewing of your mind” (eph. 5:18) is a supernatural process where the Holy Spirit literally transforms our thinking through consistent study and meditation. The best comparison I can think of to understand this transformation process is when we wake up each morning and look in a mirror and take a shower. Forgive the flawed analogy, but what if Satan was able to distract us from this step every morning? Can you imagine in just a week what a state we would be in? The problem is we would not recognize this since we were no longer looking in the mirror. Scripture lets us see ourselves for what we really look like (not just what we think we look like in our minds eye) and the other disciplines allow us to clean (sanctify) our self so that we may be clean. It’s time I get back to bathing (Spiritual disciplines). Thanks God for this reminder!

Back to the basics...

2008-01-11T00:46:00.000-05:00

I am reminded of the simple theological truths that the world seems to totally miss regarding the Christian Faith: Jesus Loves You. People try to add things on to this statement such as: "Jesus loves you, but..." or "Jesus loves you, if...", but they are wrong. Philip Yancey in his book "What's so amazing about grace"reminds us that one of Jesus' last acts before His death was forgiving a thief hanging on a cross. Christ knew the thief had converted out of fear. He knew that thief would never read his bible or attend church. He would never make amends to those he had stolen from and hurt. "He simply said 'Jesus, remember me.' and Jesus promised 'Today you will be with me in paradise'. It is a ... shocking reminder that Grace does not depend on what we have done for God, but rather what God has done for us... all we must do is cry 'help'". I encourage you to think on this when you feel burdened that you must "do" to maintain your faith, "God dispenses gifts, not wages". Second, follow the footsteps of our founding brothers in sisters in Christ who were known as history's pesants and simple folk. The many who could not read and write still would memorize the apostle's creed to known the foundation of their beliefs. They did this to keep from being led to beliefs of those that deviate from the Historical Church, being a Christian who affirms the historical church, I probably should do the same. Check it out below:

"I believe in God, the Father Almightly, maker of heaven and earth;And in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord; who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, Suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and buried. He descended into heaven, and is seated on the right hand of God the Father Almighty. From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church (meaning the church as a whole, not to be confused with the "roman catholic church"), the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen."

Have we lost our Roar...

2008-01-10T14:04:00.000-05:00

Of course narcissistically I title this entry "have we lost our roar....", when in fact this is a confession of my own lack of courage. Yesterday while Ben (my office mate) and I were walking from our psychotherapy class back to our office, he was stopped by a fellow student and asked to fill out a blue survey. Ben reluctantly agreed to fill out the survey. I continued walking with a greater sense of urgency to avoid sharing his fate. I was in our office only a minute when he walked in. He informed me that the survey was for Campus Crusade, knowing I occasionally attend the event. He then proceeded to tell me the type of questions on the survey. Interestingly he started first with the declaration that he was "already set in faith" and then continued, "it asked me if spirituality was important to me, and if I wanted to know about Jesus more". He caught my interest, and I asked his response to the question. His abrupt reply of "No" caused me to miss the rest of the sentence. I was silent for a moment, and then asked him what he believed. He responded, "About what?" I clarified that I was interested in what his religious beliefs were. He stated, hesitantly at first, that he "Believed in Jesus Christ came and died on a cross. Again my surprise of his answer caused the remainder of his words to fall on deaf ears. I was perplexed on this acknowledgement Jesus. I responded by nodding my head in silence, but the voice inside me was anything but silent. It knew exactly what to say. In that moment was a chance to bring to light the apparent contradiction of Ben's beliefs. If he truly believed that Jesus came to earth and died for him (I knew from previous conversation that he was aware Jesus’ claimed deity), than it would only make sense that one would want to know Jesus and reciprocate this action through serving Him. I knew such a question would challenge Ben, perhaps cause him to be uncomfortable. I remained silent; Ben's conflicting statements remained hidden; his paradigm escaped unaffected. Ben probably would have preferred that at the present, yet I was convicted, for I knew I had missed my chance to speak truth into Ben’s life. Pondering this defeat has reminded me that if I am to impact lives as and when Christ calls me to, I need to show courage. I need to be able to challenge people even if it makes things uncomfortable. Considering that people often surround themselves with those who have perceptions like their own, it's possible such opportunities, when taken, can echo in eternity. I only can hope the Holy Spirit gives me another opportunity.

Always time for distractions....

2007-12-11T13:43:00.000-05:00

Even with exams all around me, I am trying to keep up with the updating. Although to be honest, I am cheating. I am posting some of my newly discovered favorite web sights. There is so many awesome web sights out there, some are a little too addicting (as those of you know with my previous Veoh obsession. So, here are some of my favorites:

http://www.peevid.com/ –ok, get your mind out of the gutter, it is a website that lets you watch movies and TV online. Not like Veoh though, you don’t download. Instead you just watch them online. So far I have watched Mario Brothers, Blood and Chocolate, and A Smallville episode. Best yet, this lets you put it full screen, so forget going to family video (although the quality can be somewhat lacking).
http://www.veoh.com/ –yeah, I am listing addictions. This website is my favorite for downloading video. I downloaded (and sadly watched) all episodes of X-men (the cartoon fro the 90’s), Sliders, Smallville, and a few others. The best thing about this sight is there is a filter, so it keeps you from seeing the stuff you don’t want.
http://www.channelchooser.com/ – ok, you’re your probably sensing a theme here. This lets you watch live television. Although most of the channels aren’t your average channels. Still, it’s entertaining, fun to check out.
http://www.techsupportalert.com/best_46_free_utilities.htm#1 – this website is freeware that replaces some of the best programs out there, but does a better job. This is coming from a computer analyst, it’s my job to fix computers that professors have busted. A lot of the programs I knew about that I thought were under the radar were on this sight. Who would have guessed anyone knew about Opera (internet browser). Although the sight doesn’t have one program that it should… Ccleaner- best program out there for fixing your registry. http://www.ccleaner.com/
http://www.stumbleupon.com/-This is the best of all of them. All you do is download this program, and tell it what you like. It then finds websites that have been rated high by other users. Forget having to find the best websites from your friends, this does it for you. I have been seriously impressed with some of the sights it showed me…its actually how I came across peekvid.
http://www.ultrasonic-ringtones.com/ -It’s true, there are actually sounds out there that you soon are unable to hear. Well, not that soon, try 20+. People are using them as ring tones know in school so that teachers can’t hear when their phone goes off.

And why your at it, check these fun sights out:
http://www.christiantuner.com/ - listen to any Christian radio station
http://www.thinkgeek.com/ -website that lets you order fun stuff.
http://www.ruckusnetwork.com/ - if your in school, it means free music for you.

And don’t forget if your down with the Jesus movement…
http://www.wordmadeflesh.com/
http://www.hisholyspace.com/
http://fourthseason.blogspot.com/
http://www.projectmanuelito.org/
http://www.micahcentral.org/

Stupid Papers!

2007-12-06T16:12:00.000-05:00

I’m no smarter than the average bear. In fact, if I was any bear, it would be far from yogi, it would probably be Poo... he always struck me as kind of retarded. I am not retarded, but I'm what they call "Learning Disabled". I didn't have to ride the short bus, but I didn't get all the normal treatment either in school. I am not saying I want everyone to be the same... this semester going through grad school has definitely taught me that. There is one girl in our clinical psychology that just turned twenty not even a month ago. She finished college up in a year. When she writes a 10 page paper, it probably takes her six hours. When I write a ten page paper, it takes me 25 hours (no seriously, I just spend two days writing 10 pages... although it did cite 26 other publications). Speaking of paper, I have to go finish one... so I guess this is where I leave any readers out there some parcel of wisdom....well I got nothing. Go read a book.

Procrastination and Masturbation...

2007-12-06T02:26:00.000-05:00

I heard a good quote from a friend of mine Tabitha a month ago. Truthfully, it was her cousin who came up with it. I think it's something most people struggle with some time in their life that leaves them saying, why do I do this to myself? She said "Procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good when your doing it, but in the end your only F*%$@#% yourself." God knows I procrastinate like it's my job. Heck, my name is part of the word! But that's no way to live, is it. C.S. Lewis said "laziness means more work in the long run". He is right...and on that note I am going to finish this abnormal test that is due tomorrow at 12:00...in fact why am I blogging if I have a take home test due tomorrow? Do you see how twisted i am!

lesson learned #436

2007-12-05T09:38:00.000-05:00

Another lesson was learned this morning after noticing my handiwork from last night. I had run out of cleaning supplies for the bathroom, and assumed that if I put some anti-bacterial Listerine (orange flavored) in a spray bottle, that it would serve as a substitute. Even now it doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me. In reality though, it was. I used this makeshift cleaner to clean the toilet, sink, shower, and kitchen sink. This morning I woke up and went into the bathroom. My first endeavor was to clip my toenails. So I sat down on the edge of the tub and clipped away. It was when I got up that I noticed the edge of the tub had clung to my boxers. Getting up felt like pulling off the wrapper of a candy role up. Apparently while Listerine was fighting gingivitis in my tub, it was also leaving a sticky residue for me to clean up this morning. Yeah, that sticky residue was everywhere. Imagine what my shock would have been if I had discovered this on the toilet! So I guess I’ll add that to some of the other lessons I have learned over the years like: Don’t dry pants in the oven, or don’t mess around when on scaffolding, or my personal favorite…don’t take model rockets apart and then light the gun powder in your basement. My left eyebrow never was the same after that.

quote of the day

2007-12-03T23:02:00.000-05:00

The quote of the day comes from Rob Bell. He is referring to the Christian Life when he says, "You have to smoke what your selling". It's impossible to do (living the Christian Life) when done on our own strength. I don't know why I have to learn this simple point again in again...but I am guessing it has something to do with being human. Another thing I have learned about this statement, smoking what your selling will always require sacrifice.

thanks for the wisdom...

2007-12-03T22:42:00.000-05:00

I had a friend recommend a great idea to me that I have just incorporated into my life. Like a post it note on one's desk or those inspirational posters in school hallways (click here to see spoofs of such posters), it serves as a reminder during regular day to day activities. It's also been a great way to encourage me to pray even during simple tasks like washing dishes (read "Practice in the Presence", by Brother Lawrence to be enlightened in this area). What is it you ask? It's putting a penny in your shoe. Feeling the penny benith my foot serves as a reminder of God and His goodness. It's not as irritating as it sounds, promise (although this would require you to wear shoes Tim Founds, sorry). Try it for a week and let me know if it helps you reflect on God.

unwelcome guest...

2007-11-24T23:14:00.000-05:00

It’s five O’clock in the morning and I am sitting at my desk working on a paper when suddenly I see out of the corner of my eye a little shadow dash along the baseboard of the wall behind my dresser. Since it’s 5 am and I hadn’t had any sleep yet, I suspected I had started to hallucinate. Still, I put batteries in the flashlight and began to investigate. After a minute of inspection, I turn the light off and rose up from my investigative crouch near the dresser. Suddenly, there it is again, only its trajectory was the opposite of its previous path. So I follow it back to it’s origins under my desk and low and behold there is a large crack where a mouse could have entered the house. At least I know I wasn’t hallucinating, but it’s a lot easier to get rid of hallucinated mice than the real deal. So, the mouse hunt begins. This adventure inspired me to write the small children’s story you see below in my previous blog post. Of course you may recognize some similarities to previously read material…thanks Dr. Seuss!

Green Eggs and Ham Parody...

2007-11-24T23:07:00.000-05:00

A Mouse in the House"
By Mr. Felt

A parody of the following work "GREEN EGGS AND HAM" By Dr. Seuss

I am Nate
I am Nate
Nate the Great

Do you like
a mouse in your house?

I do not like it,
says Nate the great.
I do not like
it makes me irate.

Would you like it
here or there?

I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
a mouse in my house.
this I hate,
for I am Nate the great.

Would you like it
in a cage?
Would that then
alleviate your rage?

I do not want it
in a cage.
that would not
alleviate my rage.
I do not want it
here or there.
I do not want it
anywhere.
I do not like a mouse in my house.
it makes me irate, for I am Nate the great.

Would you catch him
in a box?
Would you feed it
to a fox?

Not with a box.
Not to a fox.
Not in my house.
Not that mouse.
I do not want it here or there.
I do not want it anywhere.
I would not like a mouse it my house.
it makes me irate, for I'm Nate the great.

Would you? Could you?
Live in your car?
Live there! Sleep there!
And Drive your car.

I would not,
could not,
live in my car.

You may like him.
You will see.
You may make him
Your family!

I would not, he could not be family.
Nor I live in my car! While he be the star.

I will not catch him in a box.
I will not feed him to a fox.
I do not want him in my house.
I do not want this little mouse.
I do not want it here or there.
I do not want him anywhere.
I will not live out of my car.
He should be the one leaving far

A train! A train!
A train! A train!
Could you, would you,
Live on a train?

No to a train! No to my car!
No to this mouse! I’m Nate! It’s my house!

I will not catch him in a box.
I could not feed him to a fox.
I do not want this little mouse.
I do not want him in my house.
I do not want him here or there.
I will not want him anywhere.
I do not care if the mouse may plea.
It is my house, let me be.

What if only at night?
He chose to delight…
In your house, would you accept that mouse?

I would not, could not,
Even in the night.

Would you, could you, if it rained?

I would not, could not,
Even if it rained.
Nor in the night. Nor will I live on a train.
Nor my car, the disdain!.
This mouse is not right for me.
Not in my house. Not in a box.
Not with a friend, not in my sox.
I do not want him here or there.
I do not like him anywhere!

You do not like
This little mouse?

No, I do not!
Not in my house!.

Could you, would you,
If he paid in cash?

I would not,
could not,
if he gave all his stash!

Would you, could you,
If he granted wishes?

I would rather have a itchy rash
Then take any of his cash
I will kick him out in the rain.
Rather than live on a train.
Not at night! I must be free!
Nor live in my car! You let me be!
I do not want him in a box.
Nor could I feed him to a fox.
I do not want him in my house.
I do not like this little mouse.
I do not like him here or there.
I do not like him ANYWHERE!

I do not want a mouse in my house

This makes me irate, I’m Nate the great!

You do not like Him.
So you say.
Meet Him! Greet Him!
And you may.
Meet him and you may, I say.

Alter personality,
If you will let me be,
I will meet him.
You will see.

Say!
What a cute little mouse!
That has moved in to my house!
I will not force him in the rain.
to do such a thing would be insane

He can walk about in the day, and the night.
Use my toothbrush, and sleep in my bed, oh what a sight!
For he is so cute, so cute, you see!

So I will put him in a box.
And still not feed him to a fox.
I will let him in my house.
And I will befriend this little mouse.
And his friends will join him here and there.
And diseases will be EVERYWHERE!

I do so like
This little mouse!
Come!
Join me,
In my house!

Tragedy strikes Bangladesh

2007-11-19T12:08:00.000-05:00

Currently in Bangladesh the death toll has risen to more than 3,100 people, with estimates that up to 10,000 could be dead once officials survey the other surrounding islands. I was reading a news excerpt about the disaster (read here) online and some of the stories were quite chilling. One 45 year old farm worker called Mridha who lived with his family in Barguna Bangladesh thought that nothing would come of the warnings he received about the storm. Between sobs he states that "Just before midnight the winds came like hundreds of demons. Our small hut was swept away like a piece of paper, and we all ran for shelter." Miridha was separated from his wife, mother, and two children. He found their bodies the next morning stuck in a battered bush along the coast. Such tragedies break my heart and are significant reminders. I am reminded that this is not my home, I belong to a heavenly place where there is no pain or death. Second, the call resounds even stronger to bring Christ's world to Earth. We could live in a world where aid to others is the priority, and not time and money spent on self pleasure. I consider myself guiltiest in such matters. We live in a world now where "What can I do?" no longer needs to be asked. Prayers can be prayed, money can be given (see here) , people can be sent. Marshal Macluhen suggests that we are a global village, but tragedy like these remind me that value is still found more in our residency than in our humanity. How truly global are we? The most destructive natural disaster in the history of the U.S., Hurricane Katrina, killed 1,600 people across our gulf coast and made 800,000 people homeless overnight; Americans showed an unprecedented outpouring of aid and public support. Twice as many people have died in Bangladesh and three million are effected and yet comparing to the previous disaster, little media coverage is given. Finally this disaster poses a question that has haunted me of late... assuming that altruistic action is the outpouring of compassion... Why don't I care?

Lethargy, that bX*&%#

2007-11-13T17:50:00.000-05:00

Before you read this, I want to put a little disclaimer on this piece of fiction. Not sure where it came from, or what it is, besides a work of fiction. I started writing about an idea I had for a story, and this came out. I don’t like it, it seems confusing and pointless, like a cheap hooker trying to be mysterious. Regardless, I would rather post this story than admit to myself that I just wasted a good two hours of my time precious time. So with no further torture, try to enjoy the metaphor

A slender yet strangely solid man runs through a dense woodland passage. He runs with a determination, face flashing a strong resolve as think as blood. The same thickness mixes with sweat and drips from his brow. He continues to run towards his vision. The world around becomes a blur. He longs for nothing but distance from its deathly stale smell; its deceptive glare; the hardness of its embrace. “It doesn’t matter any more”, he mutters to himself in a smooth commanding tone, “None of it matters”. None if it, not the approaching bluish moon slowly being reviled as the sun retreats behind the horizon, nor the songs of the crickets that seek to claim nights silent state. When he gets tired of running, he jogs, but he never stops. When his legs begin cramping to the point where muscles seem like they will tear through flesh, he slows, but doesn't stop. Instead he clenches his jaw and keeps on keeping on, for he can’t stop. He can’t sit. He can’t rest.

Rest…. The idea appears to his mind as beautiful as the angle Gabriel. It calls to him with faint whispers. He wants to listen, but he fears another voices will affect his pace. A voice that asks no one to speak yet silences many. His ears honed in on the voice; his eyes become sharp swords as he scans for an attack. The voice calls for him again but he sees know one. It calls at him like a female dog barking in heat. He knows this sound for he was once in this snare. Odd, it would seem his memories were betraying him. What was once as clear as crystal was now met with a foggy mist, such that clings to the windshield in the early morning?

Lethargy was what he called her, but never did he remember her seeming so sweet. He continued on pace through the ever darkening woods towards the bluish hue that spread out over rolling plains. His running was towards the embodiment of his dreams. Still, rest had not given up her sweet smooth speech; still she softly invited him to her soft featherlike embrace. The voice was peaceful and just hearing it brought out a powerful sigh from the depths of his lungs. Then his abdomen tightened as the one he knew as Lethargy resumed her song. Her voice was also sweet, but not soft like that of Rest. Her tone was powerful like Rest, but it was not peaceful. Rest’s call was like a babbling brook under a hot summer sun. But Rest’s sisters darker words were eerily appealing with their slight echo that enhanced her voice. She didn’t sing like Rest, but instead she summoned like the sirens. Whose’ purposes were also similar, persuading people to linger longer then they aught, thus causing their destruction. The saddened sweet voice seemed quite powerful. Yet its empathy cry was like that of Orpheus, whose bodiless head cried out for his Eurydice's even as it floated away down the Hades stream. “No more talk of water”, he said to himself in a condescending way. It had been such a hot summer. Waking up to run towards the dream in the morning, then coming home at night to Rest. As night approached and took back the land from day, our heroes resolve began to wane. He felt himself suddenly stumbling towards the soothing voice of Rest and the trance of Lethargy; it didn’t take long for him to find them, or maybe for them to find him. Before him were two beautiful delicate sisters shining like polished ivory as the cobalt blue moon cast shadows on their slender bodies. Separate cloth that shining of sharp silver covered both beauties, as they were anticipating his arrival. Rest approached and layers her soft hands on his shoulders. His eyes go shut, suddenly the eerie blue is no more.

His eyes opened as the blazing sun began to rise, revealing it’s hiding place behind the earths graceful form. He plants his firm stance on the ground and begins to arise. But alas, he sees a beautify site near his resting place. It is Lethargy, her slender form kneels behind him and her touch causes his shoulders to droop. As he returns to the place that rest had once prepared for him, he now is able to see Lethargy face to face as she stared down at him. Her appearance is still like that of a Goddess, but the golden sun leaves shadow across her face.

Her eyes do not display the look of motherly concern like earths did. These eyes are solid black, and seem to reflect everything around them. The fiery ball that floats in the sky blasts raise of rejuvenation over Him, but it does not matter. He can see his reflection off Lethargy’s dark stare. As his eyes close and his mind retreats, he mutters curses under his breath. His eyes shut, and what once were broad arms now resemble lead weights. What was once strong legs now are heavy burdens that ignore his command? Each morning he tries to rise and each morning she gently pushes him back down. As he ages, he remembers her half cocked smile, and her cold stare. Every morning she looks over his face. Each day he remembers a little bit less, and each time the day seems a little darker. Finally after habit has set in, he forgets who he is and what he was chasing. Lethargy leaves, she is no longer needed. He has lost his pace and forgotten his goals. The worse part is he forgot where he came from, and so he could not see where he was going. Lethargy may be at work in some of you too. It doesn’t have to be lethargy though. It can be Pride, or addiction. Perhaps fear or loneliness holds you down. For me it is lethargy, sloth. What makes it so much harder is I know the truth. If you allow yourself to be distracted by the little insignificant things that everybody else is distracted by, you will never rise like the rest, you will never get up and continue the quest, you will have sacrificed what some consider the best.

Measuring my life...

2007-11-05T11:52:00.000-05:00

Do I rest enough....

Am I eating a balanced diet...

Do I exercise regularly...

Am I too stressed or to relaxed...

Am I taking times of solitude and quite....

Am I healthy?

Do I have a addiction to a drug, emotional feeling, TV show...

Do I control my feelings or do my feelings control me....

Do I rely on a drug or stimulant on a daily or weekly basis....

Do I over work myself..

Do I schedule times of solitude and quite...

Do I harm my body?

Do I spend time with those I love...

Does my time reflect my priorities...

What can I sacrifice today for the greater good...

Do I consume without limit...

Am I helping the helpless...

Do I build up or tear down my fellow man?

Do I only love those who love me....

Do I truly forgive and forget...

Do I welcome pain or try to avoid it...

Do I learn from my mistakes...

Do I have a goal or purpose in life?

Remember that thoughts become actions...actions become habits.....habits become character....character becomes destiny

What is it about women at night…?

2007-11-01T01:22:00.000-04:00

What is it about the female species during the later hours of the night…? As I sit in the library and study for my upcoming research methods test tomorrow (pray for me ), I can’t help but notice the number of women who are loudly laughing at each other (seriously, it’s distracting). I am talking “fall out of your seat” laughter at situations that seem to be only mildly humorous. Observing this behavior triggers memories of my previous girlfriend’s or female friends, even female family members engaging in similar comical behavior after the sun had gone down and the darkness had crept around us. And so I ask you in all sincerity, are the majority of women susceptible to increased perceptions of comical episodes resulting in larger amounts of laughter during later hours of the evening or night? Alice Eagly mentioned in her in her book “Sex Differences in Social Behavior: A Social-Role Interpretation” (1987) that “in social situations women smile and laugh more than men”. The research seems to agree with such a statement (Hall, 1984), but why? Perhaps examining the research with greater scrutiny will give us an indication. A study conducted at the Stanford University of Medicine ran physiological tests on one group of men and one group of women (10 subjects each) to examine the way that a person's brain responds to humor. They did this by exposing subjects to comical stimuli). The study found that the women were more likely than their male peers to use the part of the brain that processes rewards during exposure. Further analysis of the data seemed to suggest that women had lower expectations in regard to a reward (in this case, the reward being the punch-line of the joke or cartoon), which resulted in them enjoying the experience more than the men (visit the address http://www.helium.com/tm/395919/several-recent-studies-suggested for further exploration). Could it be that the expectations in regard to a reward in females decrease at night?
Of course this is simply one study with one possible interpretation to why women laugh more than men, so it’s quite difficult to draw causality, especially if a study is still vulnerable to research biases. What if things are not funnier, but that women are simply less hindered in expressing emotions when tired? Research does support the idea that women are more emotionally expressive than men (Brody & Hall, 1993; Broverman et al., 1972; Zuckerman & Larrance, 1979). Perhaps circadian rythem is tied to emotionally expression, and more noticable in the more vunerable?
I recognize that proposing a valid hypothesis about such a statement in only an hour’s review of the vast research available on female and male nonverbal & verbal communication is impossibility. It is futile and a obvious and unfortunatly overly successful time consuming distraction. It is now 1:20 in the morning and I have a test to study for. Seriously, I can’t believe I spent a hour and a half writing/researching this when I have a very hard test tommarow morning…what the %#@$! is wrong with me?!? (sigh) goodnight…(and pray for me)

By the way, If such seemingly futile questions appeal to you, check out Sex Roles: A Journal of Research published Jan, 1995 by Nancy Briton and Judith A. Hall. The article can be found at http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2294/is_n1-2_v32/ai_17012184 .

Confessions

2007-10-31T00:36:00.000-04:00

For the will commands that an act of will should be made, and it gives this command to itself, not to some other will. The reason, then, why the command is not obeyed is that it is not given with the full will. For if the will were full, it would not command itself to be full, since it would be so already.
It is therefore no strange phenomenon partly to will to do something and partly not to will to do it.It is a disease of the mind which does not wholly rise to the heights where it is lifted by the truth, because it is weight down by habit. So there are two wills in us, because neither by itself is the whole will, and each possess what the other lacks.
-augustine (Confessions)

Today, six hours on Veoh
Yesterday, four hours
This past weekend, 27 hours
Since I have been in Grad school, 149 hours…and that’s only in 2 & 1/2 months!

Yeah, I would say I have an addiction. Not sure why it took me so long to realize it. I had the epiphany this morning. I was so mad for wasting my time on Veoh, and made up my mind to delete it, when I felt something resisting inside me. That is when I knew it was controlling me… It had to go. Trying to barter with anything that has a hold off you is always a loosing battle. So guess what I did this afternoon…yep, invested five hours on Veoh. Tonight I came to my second epiphany, that I can’t do this by myself. I need help, especially God’s. Claiming His death on the cross has helped me with addiction in the pass, and it can help me now. So if you’re reading this, ask me if I deleted it from my computer… I could use the accountability. The worst part about it is I had two test this week. If I can learn from such mistakes, than I am a better man for it. If I don’t learn and continue down this road, then I am a fool who is like a child who is invited to the Ocean by his father, but continues to play with mud in the dirt, ignorant to how grand the ocean is (paraphrased from a quote by C.S. Lewis).

P.S. For those of you who don’t know, Veoh is a program that lets you stream and download tv shows and movies.