Lewd Acts....I was being pulled over for lewd acts. I looked the cop in the face with a half smile and said with a chuckle in my voice "Officer, you've got the wrong guy". To backtrack if I may, It was 10:00 at night in muncie, IN; I had just left my office at Ball State University's campus and was heading home. I get to my house, and all of a sudden as the intense flashing blue and red lights reflect off my rear view mirrors straight into my eyes I know I'm bused. I new I should have changed my expired license plate. Knowing that in just four days I will be in court appealing a previous ticket, not to mention that I've been pulled over about 14 times for everything in the book, I get ready to been down in take it like the newest inmate on death row. The officer pulls up to my window and I try to open my window, but it's stuck. I make hand gestures to him indicating my inability to role down my window. My smile disguises my happiness that I can make this more difficult for him. I open my door and stay seated as he asks me for identification. I hand him my license. While he is looking at it, I turn my head to the right and look at my apartment house. I wondered what my neighbors were thinking now... probably a mixture of laughing and sympathy. I wait for the the officer to ask the infamous question, "Do you know why I stoped you", but instead he goes straight for the jugular. "I got some reports of a man matching your vehicle in description, white male with beard driving a Honda Civic, performing lewd Acts".
Now, for those who don't know, the legal definition for the term "lewd” is: “Any conduct that is considered indecent or offensive". Often the term is often used when referring to pornography, prostitution and indecent exposure. So, this is where a smile comes to my face, and this time it's a real smile. I relinquish my Drivers license, and then wait for ten minutes. After he returns I get a few grueling questions, and then with tone of surprise he declares my innocence and allows me to leave. I laugh as leave to pull along the street adjacent to my apartment. I've been pulled over for seat belt, speeding, running red light, no lights, not getting in adjacent lane to ensure police safety when pulled on shoulder of highway....but I can safely say that this by far is the first time being pulled over for a suspected exhibitionist. Funny as this is, I realize that there is still a white male still at large in a silver Honda with a beard who loves lewd.... and then my smile fades into a frown.
